It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage
Though they've been married for all of five years, they have known each other for 15. Not quite college sweethearts - in fact, far from being so, these two hotel management professionals have traversed assorted terrain in their long association with each other. From being two radically different personalities in junior college who didn't much care for each other; to gradually becoming good friends; to eventually falling in love - this is one equation that has benefited from the diverse milestones it has crossed. Naturally, in his latest turn as an entrepreneur, chef Sarvesh Jadhav enjoys the full backing of his best friend and wife Utpala Patankar, even as the duo take turns to dote over their bundle of joy - three year- old Sharvi
Chef Sarvesh Jadhav has always enjoyed experimenting with his cooking. "I love giving an innovative twist to my recipes," he says. "Even a classic recipe can be creatively represented." Considering that he has also featured in the Limca Book of Records for creating the world's tiniest pizza - not to forget busy processing a patent for his take on the first ever Chewable (!) Coffee. It was perhaps a given that he would choose the rough and tumble of entrepreneurship over the security of a lecturer's job at a prominent catering college.
On her part, his better half, Utpala only too glad to back to him - though she does confess to a pang or two of deep anxiety especially since she herself is on a sabbatical - currently with their little girl Sharvi. A lecturer and hotel management graduate like her husband, she feels that for the moment, her child needs her more.
And though Sarvesh (a Masters in Personnel Management apart from his hotel management degree) would love to see his gifted and academically oriented wife back at work, he lets her do the choosing. This understanding which is the cornerstone of their relationship serves as the enduring platform that helps both aim higher. The long years of being friends definitely help. However, it wasn't always this way.
This wasn't quite a love story scripted in school though they studied together. (Sarvesh was a batch junior to her.) Nor did he cut much ice with her during their time in junior college. "She felt I was a flirt-and very laidback to boot-apart from being flamboyant and mischievous," he grins. "The very opposite of her good girl persona."
"Well he was like that indeed," is her quick retort. Quiet, self-effacing and reserved she didn't make much of his Mr. Popular image - though he was quite the favorite with fellow students and faculty.
In short, he's an extrovert, and she an introvert. So how did this unlikely pair end up together? "We first got to know each other well in the course of our first job at IHTM," narrates Sarvesh. Engaged as they were in their first professional stint as lecturers there was much to share.
Slowly the ice broke and friendship happened. Around this time, Utpala's family began to look for prospective suitors for her. "I was keen to help her find the right match and helped scan through the profiles, he says. "By now, she was a good buddy and I only wanted the best for her."
The 'best' though turned out to be none other his own good self. The turning point in their relationship came quietly enough though. "There was no grand, filmy realization of romance or any such thing though," she says. In fact, it was as mundane a moment as could be almost. "We were in the kitchen together, cleaning up after a cooking session and that's when it dawned on both of us that perhaps we were meant to be more than just friends," he says.
The families were none too pleased. For starters, there was the matter of their castes, though they are both Maharashtrians. She's a Brahmin, while he is a Maratha and as per the elders in the family - the twain was not supposed to meet.
But that was not all there was to it. Utpala, who lost both her parents early in life, has been brought up by her aunts and uncles. "They felt all the more responsible for her," says Sarvesh. "In a way, I can quite see their point of view. If things went wrong in the selection of life partner, people would say that the relatives didn't do the right thing by the young girl," he says.
Despite the opposition, the two of them stubbornly hung in there. Fed up, one-day Utpala suggested they elope but Sarvesh was having none of it. "I was confident that one day they would say yes. But it was important to have our families bless us," he says.
Two confusing and difficult years later, the families relented and the duo was wed with due pomp and ceremony. "They understood that what we shared was both rare and real and gave us their blessings," says Utpala.
When you spend time with elders, you actually begin to appreciate life differently. Never ignore them, no matter what the demands on your time
-Sarvesh
Both Sarvesh and Utpala believe marriage is an union between two familiesSo how difficult has it been to adjust with each other considering the differences in lifestyles. "Well, it took time," admits Utpala. "But we were both mentally prepared for the differences in lifestyle, cooking, celebrations, rituals and so on. The fact that we were and are basically friends-has definitely gone a long way in easing up things."
Despite the obstacles that inevitably arose, they have one solid ground in common. "We both dislike the term 'adjust' and prefer to concentrate on 'understanding' instead; when you adjust the mindset is negative and resigned; on the other hand understanding each other as well as the situation is a far more joyful process," expresses Sarvesh. "Understanding leads to acceptance."
What's more, their differences have only worked in their favour. "We complement each other well," he says. "I am a people's person; full of fun and not very careful about finance. On the other hand, her difficult childhood has made her strong and practical. It is precisely this rock-solid persona of hers that I cherish."
However, it's not as if Sarvesh has had it easy either. Having lost his dad early on, he was keenly aware of his mom's struggles. "I am grateful to be blessed with such a mature and understanding partner. In fact, she's all that I have ever prayed for."
Neither Sarvesh nor Utpala believe in the conventional definition of romance. "Candlelight dinners, flowers and gifts are all superficial things," says Sarvesh. "I mean, plotting and planning to spend time together is an intention, not romance...I mean, it's the little moments that happen spontaneously that are both rich and meaningful."
One for the frame: (L to R) Utpala, Sarvesh's mother, with little Sharvi and SarveshAt the moment, life is both hectic and happy. Sarvesh is almost two years into his restaurant- the uber cool yet casual restaurant Austin 40 Cafe house on Pune's bustling Bhandarkar Road that looks at redefining atmosphere and foodby adding an eclectic touch to both. From the little post-its on the wall to music blaring from the jukebox to a veritable potpourri of multiple cuisines on offer-the restaurant is young, funky, warm and welcoming.
"Entrepreneurship has its crazy moments," he confesses. "But I finally feel like I am living, not just existing."
On the other hand, Utpala has her hands full with little Sharvi. "I am quite a strict mom," she smiles. "In the sense that I am particular about following a certain discipline in terms of food, habits and routine. He is more relaxed-so it's a good balance," she says.
What they are united on though is the big things. "We simply want her to do her best, whatever she does," says Utpala. "We don't believe in forcing career options on to her either. Let her do what she wants as long as she's happy."
Five years later, what according to them, is the secret of married life? "We have a simple enough rule: never go to bed angry," she shares. "Whatever the problem, it can be sorted out by talking it out and gauging each other's point of view."
Both are family people and believe in giving time to each other's elders. "When you spend time with elders, you actually begin to appreciate life differently," he says. "Never ignore them, no matter what the demands on your time."
Last, but not the least, both root for friendship as the first and penultimate goal of every marriage. "When we got married, I urged her: Utpala, be my best friend, not just my wife," he says earnestly. A stance that continues to serve them well.
By Kalyani Sardesai
