Trust is the glue

Trust is the glue“Your hand fits mine like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle,” goes the line. For Brinda and Pratik Khandwala, the aforementioned isn’t just poetry, it’s their lived truth. Marrying pretty soon out of college, this young Gujarati couple has grown up together in more ways than one. This is their story, and this is how they tell it

The last five years have been hectic for the Khandwalas. Not only have the couple managed the all-consuming move from their hometown Mumbai to Hong Kong, they’ve done so amidst demanding careers interspersed with the growing academic rigours of their teenage son and daughter—Ranveer (16) and Reyna (13.) It helps that Hong-Kong’s vibe is similar to that of amchi Mumbai back home—cosmopolitan and accepting—despite being in another country. It helps even more that this is one couple used to managing the rough and tumble of life and work for almost their entire adult life—together.

They met at 19—Back to the beginning

Mumbai’s HR college of Commerce and Economics, Churchgate, in the late nineties and early aughts, was the perfect place for young people to meet, study and grow at their own pace. More so, when the couple concerned had common friends and similar backgrounds. (Both are Gujaratis— she’s a Jain while he’s a Vaishnav.) Both believed in family, ambition, goals and responsibilities. The conversation flowed seamlessly. From the outset, Brinda was impressed by his focus and commitment towards his academic and professional goals. “I loved how particular he was about completing projects to the best of his abilities. But despite being serious about studies, he also has a charming sense of humour,” she says. “Plus, he got along with folks with absolute ease. My friends became his almost instantly.”

On his part, Pratik admired her for her people skills, the way she dealt with friends, her simplicity and focus on education. "She’s also been quite the calming factor in my life, given that she’s the patient one," he said.

The relationship was destined to go from strength to strength. The families liked their choice of spouse, and the two were wed by 25.

“Looking back, one might believe that 25 is just too early for marriage. And perhaps it was considering that Pratik was still studying and completed his MBA post marriage,” says Brinda. “On the other hand, we were young and malleable, and it was easy for us to bond and grow together as a team. It also helped to have elders around in those challenging early days when we had to be separated for his studies,” she adds.

Here's where the strength of the joint family system came into play. “Pratik has a twin brother. Both he and his brother went away for studies. But his parents and mine who lived close by, were a great help,” she says. “They were my biggest support when my first baby came along,” she adds.

Considering that they’ve been together for 24 years, what as per both, are the pillars of a relationship? “A sense of balance,” says Pratik. “While we are inter-dependent as a couple ought to be, we are also particular about giving each other space. Respecting the other person for the individual they are is critical. Your partner has the right to explore life too,” he adds.

Meanwhile, Brinda believes that trust is the glue that holds it all together. “Trusting your partner’s goals, their vision and judgement are key. Love must be backed by trust in every aspect of one’s life,” she says.

When it comes to day-to-day life, both Brinda and Pratik keep it simple—and share responsibility as per their strengths. “It’s honestly more about skill sets than adhering to gender roles,” says Brinda. “While he’s the finance guy who looks after investments and decides on the trips we ought to take together; the kids, their education and other aspects around the house are my responsibility.”

The couple moved to Hong Kong in 2018. Pratik initially came alone, but Brinda and the kids joined him a year later. “Luckily, help was available and relatively easy to come by, so it was easy for me to get back to work pretty soon,” says Brinda.

Speaking of careers, Pratik worked with Ernst & Young for 12 years in Business Transformation, but has recently joined the upcoming firm Capco as director, business transformation, APAC region.

Meanwhile, Brinda who has enjoyed an innings as a content writer with several portals, is now exploring a different dimension in the communication space—as a social media marketing manager for Coach & Cook Fitness, a gym and nutrition space rolled into one.

While their schedules are tight, they are firm about spending quality time together. “We go on trips and hikes and nature trails, check out new spaces as a family,” says Pratik. “Being with the family and kids is a great stress-buster,” he says.

Bringing up babies, tangoing with the teens

“Well, our kids are 17 and 13 respectively,” grins Brinda. “So, both are coming into their own, both have a lot of questions and overall, it’s very interesting. The trick is to answer all their questions with honesty—which is something that’s important to us as parents. From hormonal changes to other tricky questions about all that’s happening in their world, I hope that we can make them comfortable enough to share everything with us,” she adds.

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Bringing a sense of balance to all aspects of family life, be it work or entertainment
• Trust and respect
• Playing to your strengths and supporting the unit
• Appreciating each other

While academics are important, the kids must also enjoy every aspect of life and develop a well- rounded personality, adds Pratik. “For instance, our son is very good at art. So, we are figuring out how best to enhance this side of his personality.”

That said, Brinda points out that their way of parenting is different to their friends. “We have never put the kids before each other; they have never been treated as the most important people in the house—this, I believe, has worked for us to establish authority. We have seen friends struggle with that. And their kids end up playing one parent against the other,” she says. In short, elders must be respected, and they’re the ones to set the boundaries.