Life Lessons from my Mother

A curious human being, Sahil Nayar, senior associate director, KPMG India, says that he chanced upon HR and wondered why does the function suffer from a credibility crisis. Over the last 12 years, every touch point with candidates or colleagues has been for him, to create a moment of truth that challenges this long standing perception in the minds of people. From being a Certified NLP, MBTI and Design Thinking Practitioner to taking the time out to listening in to the junior most colleagues on the team, it has been a wonderful responsibility for Sahil.

Giving back to the fraternity comes naturally to Sahil—at a recent lecture series of Sri Balaji University, Pune (SBUP), he held them spellbound with his talk on various life lessons he learnt from his mother. Corporate Citizen brings the excerpts from this scintillating talk

My mother always tells me that if things go your way, be happy. But, if things don’t go your way then they are going as per God’s way. Therefore, trust him

I wanted to pay tribute to a living person, a person who has been my inspiration, who has been my idol—my mother. I am sure for each one of you, your mother has been someone who has played a very important role. This is the first time, she is attending a session with me and I wanted to share with you, something that she shared with me. What I am going to be sharing with you is 10 life lessons—the best things that work are, Maa ke nuske (Formulas from my mother).

Learn, unlearn, and relearn

My mother is from Delhi—when you come from the northern part of the country, you have a certain culture, a way of being, a way of upbringing. My dad is born and brought up in Mumbai. People who move from North India and come to the West of India, have lived in houses that are bungalows compared to living in Mumbai houses that are like matchboxes, because real estate in Mumbai is just so expensive. That was the first shock that my mother ever experienced—she said that the size of the bathroom they had in Delhi was equal to the size of entire flat in Mumbai. She was feeling like, where I have come? But, I guess she fell in love with it—from the sizes of houses to its culture and ways of being.

The lesson that I want to share is that culture is something that you should definitely learn in these two years at the institute, while you are doing your MBA. Because, irrespective of what job you take, irrespective of which organisation you join, unless you don’t understand the culture, you can end up becoming a misfit. And therefore, what you need to know is Kaunse jagah pe kaunsi chij chalegi aur kaunsi chij nahi chalegi (What will work, what will not work, in which place or situation).

You can learn the four Ps of marketing in b-school; you can learn the 14 Principles of Management by Henri Fayol here. But, ultimately if you do not know what works in a country like India, you will never know what works in an air-conditioned company office, you will not know how sales happen in a FMCG supply chain. And therefore, as future managers there is a lot that you need to do in terms of unlearning, learning and relearning in these two years. Whatever you think you already know, unlearn it, come here with a fresh slate, upskill yourself and learn. Ultimately, when you hit the corporate world it may be very different from what you learned in all these years. The point is, irrespective of geography use these two years to reset yourself to unlearn, learn and relearn.

Love yourself. We have had enough of pain, suffering, tears. Start loving yourself. If you want to have that hot chocolate, which costs `500, go down the road and have it. If it makes you happy then do it. Don’t wait for your birthday. Do it today

Strategy takes time

The next lesson from mother is, Jo seedi aaste aaste chadta hai, uski saas nahi phoolti (If you climb the stairs slowly, you will not get breathless). What the generation (Gen Zs and Millennials) want is instant gratification here and now. I want to become a senior associate director tomorrow; I want a Rs 20 lakh package and so on. Nothing is bad with it. It is an amazing aspirational generation and all of us are part of it. But the question is, how do we learn from the senior’s and teacher’s experiences and how do we build on that experience to climb the stairs faster? Anybody who will climb the stairs very fast without practice or training, will get breathless. You all learn a lot in these two years of MBA programme, build a lot of knowledge. But, what skills are you building? Because if you don’t build skills, you will not be able to generate income. What is the problem that you are solving for any organisation today, that it will be comfortable paying a package of Rs. 15 to 40 lakhs. Of course you will get that money, but it will depend on what you will be doing with the 700 days of your MBA programme—every single day counts.

Celebration is the key

Next lesson is, whenever you have a moment of success, celebrate it. Because unless you don’t celebrate small milestones, you will not have big milestones to look forward to. In your first semester you top in a subject, celebrate it. You have a moment of happiness/ success, celebrate it. It does not matter whether there are 100 people or five people around you. I think many of us become so harsh on ourselves that we don’t really celebrate small milestones. Trust me, celebration is not getting drunk. Celebration is a lot more. When you internalise that happiness, that happiness stays with you. For many people, success might not be equal to happiness. For many of us, happiness may be the smaller things in life. Therefore, whatever makes you happy, whatever you believe is success for you, celebrate it. And when you celebrate it, you will realise that the amount of endorphins that are getting released in your body—it will actually propel you to look forward to the next day, a lot happier as a person than just someone being in that rat race, trying to chase things.

Today I have brought my mother here to attend my talk session. I was sceptical, as to how will it look if I take my mother to a session like this? But the reality is, I didn’t care about what people would say. This was my 1000th such session and if it makes me happy that I could bring my mother to attend it, I would do that. The question is what are each one of you doing for yourself to be happy.

Knowing how to learn

How many times, have you got into an opportunity where you could help someone. Helping someone blind, who is struggling while crossing the road. Can you just do something that can help that person, make that person’s life, a little better. While all of this may seem very sentimental—you may be a great communicator, learnt alpha physics, good at equity research or derivatives, but the reality is unfortunately you might be losing the sheen of being a good human being.

While you are learning, pick-up projects, pick-up internships, pick-up a lot of virtual internships that you can do in a hybrid model that your college would allow you to do to actually earn alongside. And the most important is learning agility. We all need to learn every single day. Keep your vision very big so that you can achieve it.

Challenging status quo

Unless you don’t challenge status quo, you will never ever do something different. You will get-up every day, go to work, have a nice day, have a couple of promotions and do well in life. If you die, go to heaven and God asks you, what have you done in your life? What will you answer—you will find it very difficult. I am sure each one of you have had an opportunity in your own small way, in your own small circle, to do something that has never been done. Find such opportunities. Because the moment you challenge status quo, it is the time you will find an opportunity to do something different. Whether it is in term of academics or whether it is extra-curricular activities, going out there and doing something there for your city or for your country. If you want to be extraordinary, you gotta get up and do what it takes to actually be in a very different space.

There are times when the rubber hits the road, it becomes very difficult. Because, that’s when you will have opposition, that’s when you will have people who will shoot you down, that’s when you will have people who will come and show you the rule book, that’s when you will have people come and tell you – sorry fall in line. But, then it’s not just about your confidence, your calibre, your competence—it is about your character and if your character allows you to stand up, do stand-up because you never know who you would be making a difference to.

While all of this may seem very sentimental—you may be a great communicator, learnt alpha physics, good at equity research or derivatives, but the reality is unfortunately you might be losing the sheen of being a good human being

What cannot break you, will make you

You may have situations where you may expect them to be the best but they may not be the best. So in such a situation the question is about, how is it that you can stand up in a moment like that to motivate your own self, tell your own self that what’s within you is a lot stronger than what’s outside you. We all become victims of our own behaviour. The reason for me to actually talk about something like this is not to scare you, but to open your eyes. Two years from now, you will move out from a protected world of the institute you are learning in. Once you pass out and go to out in the corporate world then it will be very different world. Of course you will meet nice people. Of course you will meet mentors. You will have coaches. But ultimately it will be about yourself.

Each one of you in your life would have had instances, where you would have fought and bounced back. May be you did not get admission in a good college. Maybe you weren’t in a good space. You did not do well in something. Maybe someone came and told you that you cannot do it and you still did it. Never forget those moments. Because it is those moments that force and propel you to do even better. It is those moments that will make you stronger because what cannot break you, will make you.

Trust God’s plans

How many of you pray? How many of you pray to ask God to give an opportunity to help someone today? That is also asking, but it is asking in a very different way. He has much bigger plans. My mother always tells me that if things go your way, be happy. But, if things don’t go your way then they are going as per God’s way. Therefore, trust him.

In an earlier session, someone asked me, “I am an atheist, what do I do?”. My answer was very simple, “Who do you believe in?” He replied, “I believe in myself.” I said, if you believe in yourself then you know what to do next.

Love Thyself First

There are two extremes of people. Some people are self-obsessed while some who play the victim card. Can you be in the zone which is neither self-obsessed and neither victim? Can you be in the zone where you offer self-love? Love yourself. We have had enough of pain, suffering, tears. Start loving yourself. If you want to have that hot chocolate, it costs Rs 500. Go down the road and have it. If it makes you happy then do it. Don’t wait for your birthday to do it. Do it today.

Horn Ok Please...!

It is not Ok. If something is not ok, then please call it out. There is no reason for you to bear something, that you are not ok with it. Because you don’t deserve it. There is a right way and right forum to call it out. There is right people to call it out with. So please exercise your judgement, your wisdom and your intelligence but please do call it out. Because just keeping it within you, you are adding to your baggage and nothing else.