Two’s Company, Two’s Companionship

The fifty-fifty principle of sharing responsibilities in each sphere of their lives is what this young corporate couple lives by. This way both have an equal opportunity to pursue their dreams and hobbies—and even parent their seven-month-old twin girls. Over to Aarti Nagpal Mehra and Sanjay Mehra, on what makes them tick

One rough and tough holiday; one vacation that is a retailer’s paradise. “We follow this rule like the Holy Grail,” says Aarti solemnly—before bursting into laughter. “So, if one time we do a biking trip to Spiti Valley with bare minimum luggage, the other holiday will be to Dubai with its luxurious entertainment and shopping options. We are both insatiable travel bugs— but with different tastes. So to be fair to the other, we take turns on choosing where to go on vacation,” she says.

Among other things, the holidays too come under the couple’s fifty-fifty partnership. “Whether it’s bills, parenting duties or household chores, both pitch in. This way responsibilities are shared and stress halved,” adds Sanjay.

Given that both are headstrong, driven personalities, it’s also a practical decision. “Both of us are like lions in a face-off,” smiles Aarti. “Neither of us backs down. So, the best thing is to strike a golden mean,” she adds.

After all, both are just as family-oriented as they are career conscious.

Back to the beginning

This love story was first scripted when Aarti’s friend suggested she meet her neighbour. “As it happened, I didn’t have a boyfriend. My parents and I were ready to go down the arranged marriage route—but nothing was working out. I couldn’t find anyone I could gel with. When my friend got to know this, she casually remarked that perhaps it might be a good idea to meet her neighbour—who she believed would have a few things in common with me,” shares Aarti

The neighbour was Sanjay, and it turns out the friend was bang on!

From the outset, the conversation flowed seamlessly as they had similar values and goals in life. “We are both serious people,” says Sanjay. “We are serious about working hard and playing hard. Professional goals are important, and yet we aren’t the ones who believe that neglecting family is the way to succeed. It was important to both of us to find a partner who respected relationships.”

The two of them dated for a year before letting their families know.

Given that he was a Punjabi, and she a Sindhi, the lifestyles of both communities are similar. “His family were absolutely cool with me. My family loved him at first sight too,” smiles Aarti. Things proceeded on an even keel, and the duo enjoyed a cheerful and colourful marriage ceremony with loved ones in attendance.

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Shared values and goals
• Prioritising family
• Shouldering burdens and responsibilities
• Travelling together
• Adjustment and acceptance

From strength to strength

Post-marriage, the duo has worked out a fine way to juggle home and work, with weekends reserved for family and friends. It helps that both have managed to befriend each other’s pals and make themselves a part of the other’s world. “My parents dote on her; similarly,my buddies are hers. We have a large circle of friends that means a lot to us. It is this simple integration that makes our world compact and manageable,” says Sanjay.

Just as well, given that both have demanding corporate jobs which they enjoy— while Aarti is vice-president at JPM Chase, Sanjay is employed as DVP Marine at Aon Insurance. Life is hectic and happy with their twin baby girls Aarohi and Arvi adding to the circle of love. “It’s not easy, but it is rewarding,” says Aarti. “It helps big-time that Sanjay has been such a hands-on dad from the time they were born. From changing diapers to playing with them and minding them as I catch up with work, he does it all. In fact, he’s naturally gifted with the kids,” she adds.

Given that they have been married seven years and dated before that, what as per them are the pillars of a marriage? “Sacrifice, tolerance and adjustment,” says Sanjay promptly.

“Stubbornness and harmony don’t go hand in hand. Winning every argument isn’t necessary,” he says. “Not when you love the other person and care for their happiness,” he adds.

Aarti cites the analogy of a Rubik Cube to support the point. “If I take a Rubik Cube with its multiple colour codes, I will see one particular colour from my angle—say red. But if Sanjay were to see it from his end, he might see green. Both are right. The trick is to try and see the other person’s viewpoint as well,” she says. “Realistically speaking, it is both natural and healthy to argue. I mean, your spouse isn’t your sibling. He/she comes from a different family—the upbringing is bound to be different,” she adds.

In other words, attraction may bring a couple together, but it is adjustment and acceptance that will continue to keep them together. “Marriage needs multiple rounds of adjustment and a large heart to accept your partner. That’s the only way you are going to be in sync with your spouse,” she adds.

Also, the golden rule is never to carry a fight over to the next day. “Both lose out in an extended clash. Communicate. Talk it out and don’t let things fester,” says Sanjay.

Bringing up the babies

It’s early days yet, but both Aarti and Sanjay are firm on the merits of gentle parenting. “Hitting a child is not something either of us believes in,” stresses Aarti. “There are more effective ways of disciplining them,” she adds.

While Sanjay chips in: “Studies are important, but they aren’t the be-all and end-all of life. There are so many toppers out there who aren’t successful in life, for want of vital life skills and coping mechanisms. To that end, extracurricular activities are important. As is knowing different Indian languages that will keep them rooted to their culture. I also want the girls to take up an art or a sport each. It will really enrich their personalities.”

At the end of the day, bringing up the kids as grounded individuals is what matters the most, rounds off Aarti.