Yin and Yang: THE BALANCING FACTOR

Mumbai-based entrepreneur cum designer Hazel and her significant half Hanish Choksi (also an entrepreneur) are opposite personalities that manage to complement each other perfectly. Married for twenty years, these college sweethearts go back even longer. The secret of their relationship? Striking the right balance between individuality and togetherness, work and family, chasing dreams and groundedness. A son and a daughter complete the picture.

He runs a diamond cutting and polishing firm; she a slow fashion brand, that celebrates natural textiles such as pure linen and vegan silk. Together, they build dreams and bring up two children—Suhani (18) and Kabir (11) whilst living in a bustling joint family. “You know, having grown up in a typical Gujarati family from South Mumbai— and having married into one—we didn’t realise until we started speaking to couples our age that living with the extended family is supposed to be a pressure point,” smiles Hazel. Having dated Hanish since college, it was pretty much a seamless transition from dating to marriage. “Living in a joint family is actually fun because you have so many family occasions to celebrate together,” adds Hanish. “And that’s such a good thing, because life, well-beyond your careers and work, is about celebrating family and relationships,” he says.

Back to the beginning

This love story was first scripted when 16-year-old Hazel met the 15-year-old Hanish at a friend’s party. “Coming from an all-girl’s school it was one of my first times going out with young boys,” she shares. That was when she met Hanish. “We ate, sang, laughed, and danced together. The conversation flowed easily. We were comfortable together. We were both so young and innocent, and it is a very sweet memory,” she says.

Hanish was to bump into her again— even as the duo stood in line to fill up their First Year Junior College forms. “Over the next few months, we became great friends, and then started dating,” adds Hanish.

Despite being poles apart, the personality differences only served to cement the bond. “I am easy-going and flexible and go with the flow. He, on the other hand, has a typical alpha personality. He is very firm on his goals, with strong convictions and ideas. This difference in our attitude and approach has brought us closer together and helped us succeed as a couple,” she says.

The moms got to know long before the fathers and didn’t have much to say. Truth be told, there wasn’t much to protest given their common backgrounds, the fact that both moms liked their child’s choice of partner. “There was no conversation as such, but we were both conscious that we were still very young,” says Hazel.

They took it nice and slow, choosing to develop in their individual trajectory whilst pursuing their B.Com degrees before considering marriage. Hazel was clear that she wanted to be an interior designer and took up a job to gain the pre-requisite experience. On his part, Hanish was already shouldering the family business by the time he was 19, due to his father’s delicate health post a heart attack. “We both knew that we would eventually start something of our own, considering that entrepreneurship is inherent to the Gujarati spirit. But before that, we needed the exposure that working for someone else would bring us,” she says.

Eventually though, they did tie the knot in 2003. “We were among the youngest in our friend circle to get married. But, we had the benefit of years of friendship to lay the foundation for us,” says Hazel.

From strength to strength

Two years into their marriage, they welcomed daughter Suhani and then Kabir. Life can be hectic with two growing kids and demanding work schedules, but the trick, says Hanish, is to balance things. “It is crucial that both partners understand their respective roles. By roles, I don’t mean gender stereotypes of what a man and a woman should confine themselves to. But it is necessary to understand each other’s strengths. If one partner is doing better financially, it is key for the other person to take up a more holistic responsibility,” says Hanish.

As of today, he runs his own diamond cutting and polishing firm, after stepping away from his family business. Meanwhile, Hazel is onto interesting turf with her latest clothing and fashion brand "ASHORE" that was born during Covid. “With travel as an inspiration and mindful consumption as our core philosophy, ASHORE creates a complete vacation wardrobe,” she explains.

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Communication
• Friendship
• Self-introspection and spirituality

“It has been hectic but loads of fun getting this brand off the ground,”she says.

So how the duo manages the all- important work-life balance? “I have always worked from home, so that is a big help in managing household responsibilities,” she says. “Luckily, we have enough space, so my fabrics lying around are not an issue. In fact, it’s a lovely environment to create all things beautiful,” she adds.

As for Hanish, it helps that he is organised, crisp and disciplined in his approach—which gives him time for family.

Speaking of which, quality time essentially consists of adventure trips, hikes, and vacations with the extended family. “Making these memories is what refreshes and rejuvenates us. Family is hugely important to both of us,” says Hanish.

Given that they recently celebrated their twentieth anniversary, what, as per both, are the pillars of a marriage? “Friendship and compatibility,” says Hanish. While Hazel adds that it is important to grow both individually and as a couple to stay in harmony with themselves and keep the family unit stable.

Like every couple, they have their share of fights. But the differences, however big, don’t get in the way, says Hanish. “We are both spiritually inclined. Meditation and self- introspection give you a better perspective of your shortcomings and the situation— this way you don’t end up hurting the other person,” he expresses.

Hazel adds that they are also open and communicative, so that is a big plus for their relationship. “It is important to tell the other person what is on your mind. In so many cases, one partner shares, while the other doesn’t. Luckily, that isn’t the case with us. We speak our minds to each other—however hard the situation is,” she says.

What advice would they give other entrepreneurs about dealing with uncertainty? “It is important to take calculated, informed risks. Gaining work experience before hand as well as a better holistic understanding of the sector one is entering is key to success,” says Hanish.

Bringing up the babies

Parenting two kids in a rapidly changing, chaotic world isn’t easy, but both Hanish and Hazel believe in a unified approach. “That said, we must appreciate what age and stage the child is at. For the moment, we are focused on making Suhani more independent as she is going to university soon and will live by herself,” says Hazel, even as Hanish adds that it is important to let the individuality and personality of each child lead the way. “Suhani is someone who needs to be convinced of whatever she is doing, while for Kabir, structure is important. We adjust our approach accordingly,” he says.

Life skills are as essential as academics, to strike the perfect balance, they say.

As the old and the wise say: life is about harmonising the yin with the yang.