Of Togetherness,Teamwork &Teamwork & TendernessTenderness

Traversing many a terrain, this couple has grown together from being classmates in school to young adulthood and parenthood. And to think, it’s not yet a decade. Even as journalist turned media entrepreneur Anjali Shetty and her significant half Sudhir Shirsath—a cyber- security specialist negotiate the move from Pune to Calgary, Canada, they do so, backed up by the strength of a long-standing partnership. Little Aranya, all of 2.5 years, completes the circle of love

A wise someone once said: “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” This thirty- something couple couldn’t agree more. For their journey together has spanned different phases of their young lives—from the early magic of young romance to the demands of parenthood. All this, and a move to another country for better prospects.

Sure enough, life is both hectic and demanding—what with adjustment and change all around, but the duo is more than up for it.

It's early days yet in a region known for long spells of extremely cold weather and wind chills— daunting for anyone that has grown up in a tropical country like India, but the warmth in their home, the glow of early parenthood and bright new dreams, gives them all the fuel they need.

Anjali has made the shift from print journalism in Pune to starting her very own website Culture Crossroads—all the better to give a platform to the diaspora in the country. While Sudhir helps with their toddler and even cooks up a storm, thanks to the flexibility of work from home. “It’s important for us to have this time together with the baby. From the outset, we knew we wanted to be the kind of parents that are hands- on and involved, so despite the extra work, we do without creches,” expresses Anjali.

Back to the beginning

This story dates back to 1994 when Sudhir and Anjali were classmates at the Mount Saint Ann School, in Talegaon Dabhade, Pune. Together for two years, until 1996, they would then part ways, only to meet after a decade, at the silver jubilee celebration of their school. “December 22, 2006, to be precise,” grins Anjali.

At that point in time, she was studying Journalism in Mumbai, while he was completing his engineering degree from MIT Pune. The interaction was brief but made a solid impression on each other. They exchanged numbers.

The conversation flowed seamlessly and easily; they reminisce. The courtship had all the excitement of a long-distance relationship, bunking classes and negotiating hostel curfews, all for the bliss of those few precious hours together.

“It was crazy,” laughs Anjali. “I lived in a hostel which had a curfew of 8.30pm. Time had to be carefully accounted for. To that end, I would take the 6.30am train to Pune, reaching at 10am. We would spend time together, and once again I would take the 3.30pm train back to Mumbai.”

It was well worth the effort though. “From the beginning, there was and still is this unexplainable comfort level between us. We have been able to literally discuss anything and everything under the Sun. Something I never experienced with even my best of friends.”

Affirms Sudhir, “On our first date itself, we had discussed marriage, kids, future goals etc. In fact, when I proposed to her, it was a direct question, ‘will you marry me?’ I was very sure that she is the one. It sounds cliched but it’s the fact.

She thinks I am fibbing but, I did have a crush on her when we were in school. I remember being so sad when she did not turn up in grade 4. I was heartbroken when I found out she had left town. So, when I met her again after 10 years, I knew I wasn’t letting her go this time.”

Clearly, there was little time to be lost.

Exactly four months hence, he proposed. “We dated for eight years and got married on March 18, 2015. Our little one was born in 2021,” he says.

She’s a South Indian, and he’s a Maharashtrian, but the fact that Anjali had grown up in Maharashtra, made adjustment that much easier. “The vibe of the Ganeshotsav, the taste of the food, the roll of the colloquialisms, everything came to me pretty easily,” she smiles.

As for Sudhir, he was pretty much the first person in his family to make an inter-cultural match, but with zero regrets.

There’s much to admire and cherish about each other. Says Sudhir, “I really admire how hardworking and consistent she is. I have known her for 17 years now and if she puts her mind to something she will achieve it. She is persistent.”

“And, there never goes a day when I am not surprised by her. She blows my mind by the way she remembers stuff, though it does get me in trouble most of the times. (laughs.) Also, I love her bond and equation with our daughter. She has been doing such a wonderful job in bringing her up. I know it has not been easy for her, but she’s been phenomenal,” he adds.

Anjali is equally effusive, most especially in her respect for his patience and calmness. As she puts it, “He’s always in this calm, enviable Zen mode and has zero ego. If I don’t fight or argue, then we can go by days, months and probably years without having an argument. Plus, he won’t ever remember a fight or argument. He has this rare ability to just let go. He doesn’t hold grudges. I may sound gushy, but he is extremely talented in just about anything. I don’t recall him saying no to anything. He will move mountains for at the slightest request of mine.”

"Love is important,but after marriage, it’s all about friendship and respect. You must be friends first. You must be comfortable with each other. It’s the friendship that will help you overcome the toughest situations"

-Anjali Shetty

From strength to strength

Considering they have been married for almost a decade and have dated even longer, what as per both Anjali and Sudhir are the cornerstones of a marriage? As Anjali says, “To begin with, remember you are two different people. Yes, together you can be more. But it’s extremely important to be yourself. You don’t need to change or adapt to anything for the sake of your partner or family.”

Adds Sudhir, “Love is important, but after marriage, it’s all about friendship and respect. You must be friends first. You must be comfortable with each other. It’s the friendship that will help you overcome the toughest situations.”

Parenthood has been demanding, especially with the lack of help in Canada, but as Anjali says, “We have realised that it is important to not be wholly consumed by parenting. You have to remember to be a couple too.”

Above all, they would urge couples to “always be transparent, no matter how much the situation or issue will hurt or upset the other one. Do not lie or tweak the truth to make your partner feel better.”

After their move to Canada, Anjali has had to reenter the world of media, in a manner that is resonant with local mores. “The print media is pretty much finished here. Everything has moved online,” she says.

Her own experiences of trying to find a foothold in an industry that typically works on contacts and prioritises familiarity with local culture and politics gave her a fresh new perspective, that of the outsider. And that’s how the website Culture Crosswords came about. “We are the voice of the diaspora that has left home and hearth behind to start afresh in a new world. Everyone has a story to tell, whether they are a student, a new mother like me trying to teach their child their language and culture in a foreign set-up, or an ambitious professional,” she shares. “It’s been just about seven months since we started, but the response has been great,” she adds.

So how do they manage the all-important work- life balance? No rocket science, they aver, just good old planning. “Divide your roles and responsibilities. Especially after you have a kid. You have to put it down on paper and stick to it,” says Anjali. “You must set aside days for leisure and family time. And whatever you do, do not bring work stress home. Leave it the moment you clock out,” she adds.

Sound advice, that from a young but wise couple.