When friends become family

It took three generations before the Agarwala and Shashidharan families’ long-standing friendship went a step ahead. Whilst Radhika Shashidharan and Satyajit Agarwala are all too aware of their responsibilities, they’re very much a young corporate couple who are a winning blend of old and new. Their love of music and dance keeps them good company—as does their pet dog Mayven

Asolo trip to Tezpur, Assam in 2017 would change Radhika Shashidharan’s destiny forever. As it happened—it also happened to be her mom’s hometown. “That’s how my Fauji dad happened to meet her. He’s a Malayalee, born and raised in Pune, she is an Assamese. But love blossomed and the rest is history,” she grins.

Err, talk about history repeating itself. “My aunt took me to a long-standing family friend’s home—the illustrious Agarwala family of Tezpur. They’re freedom fighters, musicians, and filmmakers,” she reminisces. That’s where she met Satyajit’s mom, who told her that he had gone to Radhika’s hometown Pune, to look for a job. She suggested I could meet him on my return. After all, both my mother and Satyajit’s father were old friends. In fact, both our families were buddies too. But this generation had never met—and she wanted us to remedy that.”

Love at first sight

And that was the start of a whole new innings. “I returned to Pune and invited him over for dinner. We got along really well, and he confessed that he would like to meet me again,” she shares.

Things moved at breakneck speed thereon. “On the second meeting itself, he told me that he had feelings for me. Our conversations flowed easily, there was a comfort level that we shared with each other. Within a month, we were dating. A year later we were engaged,” she smiles. They were 26 and 34 respectively. “Despite being such opposite personalities with an eight-year age gap, the differences only serve to hold us together. While it’s true that I am an extrovert with tons of friends and he largely keeps to himself, his kindness is so attractive. He reaches out to others, helps out when he can,” says Radhika. An animal lover through and through, his affection for stray animals is strong. The duo has also adopted a pup they found on the street. “Since we found him on May the 7th, his name is an amalgam of the name. We call him Mayven,” grins Satyajit. The pet is their baby as of now.

“He believes in rooting for the Indian breeds as they are largely overlooked and neglected,” says Radhika.

As for Satyajit, the first thing he noticed about Radhika was her abiding sense of family. “On our first meeting itself, I noticed how warm and informal she was with her family members— just as if they were friends. I thought that was very attractive because a strong and healthy family equation is one based on friendship rather than any sense of obligation,” he says. As he got to know her further, his first impressions were only confirmed.

Both families were thrilled that their long- standing friendship—over three generations no less—had culminated in wedlock for their offspring. “I’d like to add here that almost all my relatives—my aunts and uncles—know Satyajit well. Given his inclination for music (he’s the grandson of the iconic musician and song writer Jyoti Prasad Agarwala also considered the father of Assamese cinema—the maker of the movie Joymoti in 1935), they would take him for any bhajan event if there was one happening. My mother had also been close to his grandad— helping with all the musical arrangements and floral decorations. Besides this, my cousin had also gone to college with Satyajit,” she says. “But we were destined to meet only in 2017.”

"Honestly, neither the past nor the future are in your control. All you have is that moment. Seize it, make the most of it"

-Satyajit Agarwala

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Being friends first and foremost
• Respecting and celebrating differences
• Hearing each other out
• Giving each other space

From strength to strength

Post-marriage both are based in Pune engaged in demanding corporate careers. Radhika has done her BBA, while Satyajit is an MCA. Currently, he works with TIAA Global Business Services India as Senior Associate, while she is a senior HR operations specialist at DNV (Det Norske Veritas.)

Managing work-life balance is an ongoing challenge, as with every other couple, but with a little deft, time management helps. “I used to work in the EU/US shifts, so that kept me up late. But after marriage, Covid and lockdown happened and that’s how I changed my schedules to India timings. We got to know each other, spent time together and overcame that challenging time together,” she reminisces.

Unlike other couples their age, both Radhika and Satyajit are largely homebodies. “Our pet keeps us home, and we pick and choose the vacations and trips that we like to take,” says Satyajit.

The duo would rather cook together and watch good movies on the weekends—and play with Mayven, of course.

Given that they’ve been married for a couple of years, what are the most important things in a relationship as per them? Satyajit believes that the single most critical thing is to listen to one’s partner, hear them out patiently. “All you can do is be a sounding board. Don’t try to give a solution—just take it all in,” he says. “Your spouse can handle their issues on their own, just be kind and patient and encouraging,” he adds

Also, he is a firm believer in living in the moment. “Honestly, neither the past nor the future are in your control. All you have is that moment. Seize it, make the most of it,” he says.

Radhika, being an emotional person, believes, it is hugely important to have a partner who is emotionally available for them. “I am an individual who needs to be seen and heard, and I am grateful that Satyajit, despite not being a people’s person, is someone who takes care of me,” she says. “That said, space in any relationship is important. It makes the bond stronger,” she adds.

Conflict management becomes that much easier given their differing temperaments and Satyajit’s patience. “I am the more reactive person and on the occasions that we argue it really helps the situation when Satyajit keeps his patience,” says Radhika. “It’s a wonderful trait to have; I am learning to apply it to tricky situations at home and at work,” she adds.

Considering that it’s been an inter-cultural marriage how hard has adjustment been? “Like I said, my mother is Assamese, so the exposure to his culture and music has been immense. My dad is a South Indian, so we are a household that is cosmopolitan and accepting. We celebrate all festivals, be it Onam or Diwali or Bihu. As a nuclear family, we are lucky to keep our individuality whilst being always connected to the larger unit,” says Radhika.

Adds Satyajit, “Family is something that’s very important to us. I always tell Radhika that all our decisions at the end of the day, are to be taken keeping loved ones in mind.”

That said, both Radhika and Satyajit have other abiding loves in their life. He is a guitarist while she is a dedicated contemporary jazz and hip-hop dancer. “Both of us pursue our love for music and dance, on each chance we get. It’s a wonderful way to unwind and be refreshed,” says Satyajit.

Life is on an even keel—no plans of extending the family as of now—their pet Mayven is all the anchor they need.