Choosing each other in little and big moments
Corporate couple, Sumita Dasgupta and Anirrudh Nair, believe that romance and meaning can be found in the buzz of daily life; that it’s the little things that are actually the big things. That differences are meant to be celebrated and togetherness is to be savoured. Over to the 30-something couple for their take on communication, conversation and what truly counts at the end of the day
The Arya Samaj wedding enjoyed by this couple, five years ago, pretty much bears testimony to their shared value system. Celebrating differences, bringing loved ones together, and combining what’s important to both partners and units. “I am half Bengali and South Indian, while he’s a South Indian. So, we went in for the Arya Samaj way of wedding that combined the traditions cherished by both sides,” smiles Sumita. “It was a lovely experience. Everyone enjoyed it,” she adds.
Behind the scenes, too, everything was smooth and sorted. Neither family was upset that their child had chosen a life partner from “another” culture. Sumita shakes her head firmly. “We have been very lucky that way. Both sets of parents are loving, liberal and accepting—so no drama preceded our nuptials,” she said
Back to the beginning
As the old and the wise say, opposites attract, but it’s similar values and shared goals that keep you together. Anirrudh would agree. “Sure enough, we are both opposite personalities. I am an introvert; while she’s an extrovert, but we complement each other so well,” he says. “Our values and what we want from life are pretty similar. That’s precisely our connection has been so strong from the beginning,” he adds.
This love story was first scripted on the campus of Symbiosis, Bengaluru where both Sumita Dasgupta and Anirrudh Nair were pursuing their MBA in communication management. The conversation—and the love progressed steadily and gradually. “She is such a kind and honest soul. I find that so attractive about her,” says Anirrudh, while Sumita marvels at his humility and sense of gratitude. “He finds joy in such little things— and that’s a quality to learn from,” she says. “He’s also genuine and grounded. These are wonderful qualities in a partner,” she adds.
It’s accepted wisdom that adjustment in an inter-caste marriage is a big deal. How true has it been for the couple—especially Sumita, considering it’s the woman who moves to a new family?
“I consider myself very lucky to enter a home that is so accepting and equitable in its treatment of people irrespective of gender. Anirruddh’s younger sister, for example, has been raised just how he was, so that’s quite a statement about the family,” expresses Sumita. “I am not treated differently either—I have been showered with all the love and pampering from their end. In terms of adjusting to new things, it’s been a positive and welcoming change," she adds
The soul of a marriage
Like other corporate professionals, moving from city to city has been part and parcel of their story. While the duo shifted to Pune for a few years, they are back in Bengaluru for the moment.
You are two separate individuals, so it’s not possible to agree on each item in a list. Agree to disagree—it keeps un-necessary tension from building up
- Anirrudh Nair
THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE
- Celebrating differences
- Talking to each other
- Mutual respect
- Friendship
- Prioritising family
Sumita is currently employed as an HR consultant with a Spain-headquartered, talent acquisition executive search firm called Catenon while Anirrudh works for Swiggy as city supply head.
Work-life balance is an ongoing challenge but they’re taking it in their stride. “Well, it’s a bit crazy right now given Anirrudh’s recent promotion,” Sumita exhales with a grin. “Thankfully, we have the weekends to make the most of. Otherwise, weekdays can be a bit unpredictable. Still, we do prioritise tiny pockets of ‘us’ time, whether it’s a little chat or enjoying a meal together. That’s something that is hugely important to us— marriages these days tend to be fragile because couples let go of ‘us’ time in the rough and tumble of hectic schedules” she observes, “Let’s not make that mistake.”
Given that they’ve both been married for five years and dated for two years prior, what, as per both, are the cornerstones of a marriage?
“The thing to understand here is that life is long and that a marriage goes through many seasons. That initial spark—that first intensity of passion is bound to undergo a change. What is important is to have a long-lasting friendship because that’s pretty much what will see you through life’s ups and downs,” is Sumita’s mature take on an institution that she traverses a wider territory beyond excitement and passion.
“Friendship with open communication and conversation is what sustains and maintains a happy marriage,” she says.
Anirrudh is equally realistic. “You are two separate individuals, so it’s not possible to agree on each item in a list. Agree to disagree—it keeps unnecessary tension from building up,” he says. “Mutual respect is very important too. And that stands on a foundation of friendship as well,” he adds.
Both have similar notions of romance as well. It goes beyond candlelight dinners and roses. “Cooking pasta together on the weekend, cheering up your partner, giving each other even 10 meaningful minutes on a busy day is enough to keep us upbeat,” says Sumita.
The way a couple resolves conflict pretty much sets the pattern for the harmony they enjoy at home. So how do Anirrudh and Sumita manage to look at the bigger picture? “Like I mentioned, open communication is critical. Talking things over, in a respectful manner of course. That said, we all know that there are times when things go out of hand, and you end up saying things you may not necessarily mean, or raise your voice. But it helps that both of us believe in letting things go as soon as possible,” says Sumita. While Anirrudh would sum up their approach in a single sentence. “We have a simple rule. Never go to bed angry. Whatever it is, let the fight go, there and then,” he says.
Like other millennials, the most coveted quality time together is about making short outstation trips wherever possible. “We adore travelling and exploring new places,” says Anirrudh. “Since both of us are dedicated foodies as well, we love experimenting with different cuisines and restaurants too. Bengaluru is quite the food lover’s paradise, so that’s great,” he shares. “On a regular working day, though, something as simple as taking a walk together leaves you rejuvenated and refreshed to take on the challenges ahead,” he adds.
Besides, Sumita adds that both are family- oriented people who enjoy spending time with the extended unit. “All of us sitting together, laughing, talking and eating—is possibly the best spend of our time,” she says.
That said, neither is ready to jump onto the baby bandwagon quite yet. “Having a baby is a hugely important decision—and it’s not something you do simply because it’s expected or the done thing. As of now, we would like to spend more time together,” rounds off Sumita.