A trip for two—through thick and thin

This Pune-based couple chooses to look at marriage and their relationship as a trip with plenty of teachable moments—some happy, others introspective. Either way, the secret to a successful partnership is to always remember that you are on the same team— with scope for loving and understanding each other better. Over to Monika Motwani nee Khudabadi and Loveen Motwani for more

This couple’s honeymoon trip to Paris stands out—but not for the usual reasons. You see, they were mugged. On the very first day at that! But the Motwanis cite the memory with a smile—for it is not a sorry tale they are narrating. “It was an adventure,” shares Loveen. “While it was a shock, she helped me calm down—we lodged a complaint and took things from there. Bit by bit things fell in place. Being alone in a foreign country without money can be a nerve-wracking experience, but it helped set the note for us as team-mates for life,” he grins.

What’s more, they ended up enjoying the holiday—and never mind the tough start.

This vignette is one among many that the duo share on their journey together—symbolic and fitting—for both are travel buffs and adventure lovers. “We love to travel to different places. It teaches you so much. Similarly, each episode in a marriage is just like visiting a new place together. You experience things, you share, you grow—and you overcome,” says Monika.

So be it the challenges following the preterm birth of their son, Yotam (now 4) that had them doing the rounds of the neo-natal unit for a nerve wracking 45 days or returning from a trip to Hong-Kong with Monika’s leg in a cast (following an accident in a skating rink), the duo believe that the very point of a marital partnership is to have each other’s back. “Setbacks happen. But what is important is the lesson you take away from them,” she adds.

Back to the beginning

This love story was first scripted at a family function in March 2016 that both Monika and Loveen happened to be attending. From the outset, the conversation flowed smoothly and spontaneously. “Apart from a shared love of music and food, our personality differences were the kind that cemented the bond,” says Monika. “For instance, he’s super-organised and painstakingly plans every detail, whereas I am more spontaneous. That works well,” she says.

Similarly, Loveen is appreciative of Monika’s caring and selfless demeanour that puts her loved ones over herself. “Also, she is calm and patient, and that always helps me to cool down,” he says.

One thing led to another and after a trip to Mumbai to attend a music festival, they were officially seeing each other. This was soon followed by marriage in February 2017.

Currently, Loveen is a finance professional employed with JP Morgan and Chase as vice president, wealth and asset management, and Monika is a freelance HR professional juggling home and work with their four-year old son front and centre. Life is both, busy and rewarding.

The building blocks of a relationship

Given that they have been married for six years, what as per the duo, are the fundamentals of a marriage? “I would say that never let the element of surprise die down. Life throws individual challenges at both— the trick is to explore newer situations and experiences as a couple and be open to newer possibilities,” says Monika. “It’s ok to disagree but communication is very important. There will be moments when you won’t be on the same page—so let’s normalise that and accept it as well,” she adds.

On his part, Loveen says he never loses sight of the fact that in a marriage he is one half of a team. “Individuality is well and good. But a partnership is about adjustment and ensuring the other person’s well-being as well,” he says.

So how do the two of them resolve fights? “Well, I am the one who simply can’t let arguments fester, while he needs time,” says Monika. “But I prefer to solve the matter as soon as possible, for it affects other aspects of our life. I can’t sleep on a fight, that’s not my way. Peace with your partner is important to

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Shared passions and goals
• Clear communication
• Travel
• Accepting each other and learning from one’s partner.

your emotional well-being. Only when you have that can you give your all to work and chores and other stuff,” she adds.

Quality time together consists of holidays, both far and near. “I would advise every young couple to go on trips as often as they can, even if it’s only a day’s trip. Travel is beautiful, it teaches you and it brings you together. It is great for the relationship and great for your mind and body. Also, never underestimate the potential of good food and great conversation in helping you bond,” says Monika. “It’s relaxing, rejuvenating and healthy,” she adds.

Work-life balance is important for both. Currently, Loveen’s work requires him to be stationed in Mumbai, but he makes it a point to go that extra mile for his family on weekends and make the most of every moment together. “Loved ones shouldn’t be taken for granted, no matter what,” he says.

Bringing up baby

It’s early days as parents for Loveen and Monika, but they are enjoying every moment with their bundle of joy Yotam. “We are first time parents, so it’s a steep learning curve. But it’s so much fun,” says Monika.

He’s an observant child and very curious. We give him every opportunity to indulge that curiosity—not only through screen time—but also through age-appropriate games, maps and puzzles,” expresses Loveen.

“While academics are important, we prioritise a more holistic approach. Discipline is key; at the same time, he must enjoy a loving and accepting environment that allows him to express himself freely. At the end of the day, we want him to grow up into a respectful and kind person.

To that end, both believe that while their parenting techniques may be different, it is important to present a united front to the child. “We take turns playing good cop and bad cop, but the bottom-line is that both of us have the same goals for him,” says Monika