The Right Relationship

If you are in love with somebody, don’t think that it will be forever, unless and until there is knowledge or wisdom in it. If your love is there to help others, nobody can destroy it, but if your love is to get something from the other, sooner or later, it will be broken into pieces

There is confusion and chaos in the world in the name of love. Love with wisdom is eternal bliss. Love with selfishness or love for individual pleasure, sooner or later, will bring misery and heartbreak. Find out what you think love is.

Love with wisdom

Love with wisdom is what makes love eternal. Without wisdom, without an understanding of love, and without an understanding of who we are, love becomes a fleeting experience.

Here are pointers to develop a love soaked with wisdom, offering us a chance to build a perfect relationship with our loved ones:

1. Extend a helping hand

When there is great love, you take total responsibility for any misunderstanding. You may express dismay for a moment on the surface, but when you do not feel dismayed in your heart, you arrive at a perfect understanding. You are in a state where all problems and differences slide away, and only love shines through.

Usually, we get stuck in our differences because we have lost sight of ourselves. In the name of love, we try to manipulate and control the other person. This is natural because when we love somebody, we want them to be perfect.

You can never see the holes in the ground from the top of a hill. From a plane, the earth looks so smooth. So, also from a state of elevated consciousness, you do not see the pitfalls in others. But, if you come to the ground, you always see the holes. And, when you want to fill the holes, you have to see them. You cannot build a home being airborne. You cannot till the land without looking at the holes, filling them and removing the pebbles.

You can never see the holes in the ground from the top of a hill. From a plane, the earth looks so smooth. So, also from a state of elevated consciousness, you do not see the pitfalls in others. But, if you come to the ground, you always see the holes. And, when you want to fill the holes, you have to see them. You cannot build a home being airborne. You cannot till the land without looking at the holes, filling them and removing the pebbles.

That is why when you love somebody, you find all the faults in them. But finding faults destroys love. Instead of filling the holes, we run away from them. When you love somebody and see their faults, stay with them and help them fill the holes. This is wisdom.

2. Always maintain your lovingness

You feel a lot of love for someone, and they don’t receive it; what do you do?

• Get frustrated.
• Turn the love into hatred and wish for revenge.
• Again and again, remind them how much you love them and how little they love you.
• Become fussy and cranky or throw tantrums.
• Feel humiliated and try to protect your respect.
• Resolve never to love again.
• Feel hurt and mistreated.
• Try to be aloof and indifferent.

You have seen that none of these work. They only make the situation worse. What is the way out of this? How do you maintain your lovingness?

• Have patience and change your expression of love.
• Be centred and limit your expression of love. Sometimes, the over-expression of love puts people off.
• Take it for granted that they love you too and accept their style of expression. Like a mother’s love which is the same irrespective of the child’s behaviour.
• Turn your demand into gratefulness. The more you are grateful in life, the more love comes your way.
• Know that hurt is part of love and take responsibility for it. When you move away from your centre, you will definitely get hurt. The nature of worldliness is misery.

One must maintain a positive outlook towards the expression of love. It’s a delicate thing. You cannot force someone to love you. It’s impossible. It’s also impossible to force yourself to love somebody. It all has to dawn from within in a natural and delicate manner. This is where you need skill, and the skill comes to you from wisdom.

3. Express just enough love

When there is a lot of love, we should not express our love too much. Love and admiration can become a burden, and when this happens, people try to unburden themselves by running away from it. Many love relationships fall apart because of this—one partner expresses too much love towards the other, and the other is not able to handle it and runs away.

Love should be planted like a seed. If you sow the seed too deep into the earth, then it won’t sprout. And if you keep it on the surface of the mud, then it won’t sprout; it won’t take roots. We should take a middle path–express a little, but not too much. We shouldn’t talk too much about love because it is inexpressible, actually excessive expression diminishes our depth, lustre and serenity.

4. Be centred

Have you noticed what you do when you find something beautiful or when you love something? You want to hold on to it and possess it. Trying to possess love, robs the beauty of love and makes love ugly. Then that same love gives you pain.