Bitter or Better – the Choice is Yours

Once you free yourself from resentment and learn to forgive, you take control of your life and refuse to be controlled by the other person. Forgiveness is a change of heart. Forgiveness is a new lease of life. Forgiveness has the same effect on your tired mind and heart, as a week at a health spa has on your body

Betrayal, hurt, anger, disappointment – sometime or the other, we have to face these negative emotions in our life. When we dwell on other people’s rudeness and insensitivity, we walk into the trap of bitterness and negativism. You constantly think about your disappointment; and then you begin to talk about it and you are trapped in resentment.

How best can we face such disappointments and frustrations? You can choose to react differently, by taking responsibility for your own emotions and feelings. You do this in the full awareness that others do not ‘cause’ your feelings. You choose your own. It may be a cliché to say that it is useless to cry over spilt milk. But it’s only too true. We have to learn to let go of disappointments and get on with our life. We need to forgive.

This is especially difficult when other people don’t seek our forgiveness, or indeed when they are clearly in the wrong and don’t deserve to be forgiven. Never mind – let go!

In such situations, forgiveness allows you to let go of a no-win situation and walk out of it unhurt, unscarred by bitterness.

People alas, are not perfect. At home, at work, people are going to hurt you or let you down at one time or another. If we remained in charge of our feelings, if we are in control of ourselves, we can be two steps ahead of the situation. We will not be victims of circumstances.

Let me give you a small exercise. Think of two people who have hurt you, made you angry or let you down recently – two people about whom you still feel animosity.

Now ask yourself: what is my animosity doing to me? Do I feel happy holding on to it? Does it make me feel happier? Does it improve my sleep? Is my life better, richer, more meaningful because of my resentment?

If the answer to all the above questions is NO – then take a courageous decision.

Let go! Walk away from the disappointment and the bitterness!

If I hold resentment against someone, I may not harm that person but will surely harm myself. Many suffer from bodily disease because of the grudges they hold in their minds against people.

A woman suffered from severe rheumatic pains in the knee joint. No medicines were of any avail. The pain went on increasing, until a holy man asked her, “Do you hold a grudge against anyone?”

She hesitated, then answered, “my mind is seething with resentment against my own sister who did not behave properly towards me.”

The holy man said to her, “your pains will disappear only when you forgive her and make peace with her.”

At first, she found it difficult to do so. Later, she met her sister and gave her a hug and said to her, “Let bygones be bygones! Let us begin anew!” To her amazement, she found that soon thereafter the pains disappeared.

Emmet Fox observes:

When you hold resentment against anyone, you are bound to that person by a cosmic link, a real tough mental chain.

You are tied by a cosmic tie to the thing you hate.

The one person, perhaps in the whole world, whom you most dislike, is the very one to whom you are attaching yourself, by a hook that is stronger than steel.

Can you imagine what it is to be chained to another person by hate? The fetters of hatred bind both of you down. When you refuse to overcome your resentment and forgive the other person, you relinquish control over your life and emotions, connecting yourself to an explosive, negative, destructive power.

But once you free yourself from resentment and learn to forgive, you take control of your life and refuse to be controlled by the other person. Forgiveness is a change of heart. Forgiveness is a new lease of life. Forgiveness has the same effect on your tired mind and heart, as a week at a health spa has on your body.

Forgiveness brings profound peace into your life. It enhances the quality of your relationships, your career and your health. It restores the joy and harmony that was absent from your life while your resentment lasted. It is a great source of healing!