Love beyond the usual arrangement

Nirav is an entrepreneur cum tour operator and Yuti Rawal is a fashion designer-their decade old marriage reiterates the importance of prioritising the person over all other material and ‘practical’ considerations. Having recently shifted to Pune after spending the last few years in Chandrapur, they believe love has a way of smoothing out several questions

Winsome threesome: Nirav, Yuti and little Eha

This was the arranged marriage that wasn’t. Instead, it became the love marriage that was never intended to be. In case that’s confusing, here’s what actually happened.

Pune-based fashion designer cum entrepreneur Yuti Dave’s parents were looking for a nice Gujarati boy to marry her. One who would combine the traditions dear to a Gujju home along with due respect and space to their daughter’s flourishing career as a designer. “From ramp shows to designing outfits, I was doing pretty well,” she says. “And both my parents and I were keen that this should continue post-marriage as well. An alliance that came through was Nirav Rawal’s. And as a departure from norm, it was Yuti who went to “see” the boy with her parents.

While the meeting went off wonderfully, there was a hitch. “They worried as to what would become of my career in Chandrapur which is a remote town in the Vidarabha region of Maharashtra. And for that reason, mom and dad weren’t quite keen on taking things forward,” she reminisces.

But a voice inside her head told her that the decision wasn’t what it should be. “We had liked each other very much. Both of us had similar values and I could see myself getting along perfectly well with him and his family,” she says.

And therein comes the filmy twist: the duo started dating on the quiet. Yuti’s hunch was spot on. Nirav was pretty much her soul mate. The differences in their personalities only served to cement the relationship. “I am extroverted and love to talk. He’s quiet, patient and a man of few words,” she says. “While I enjoy partying, he likes to be with a few people only. But on the whole, we managed to ground each other.” She also used the time to understand the nitty gritties of his profession: As a tour operator, he organised trips both nationally and internationally. His work required him to travel-something she understood well as a successful designer.

On his part, Nirav enjoyed her company for her fun-loving and warm personality. “She is a very transparent and simple person and believes in telling like it is. There are no hidden agendas with her; what you see is what you get. Plus, she’s loving and caring,” he says.

"We believe in cherishing the little moments of joy and togetherness. We celebrate every occasion and every small win with an ice-cream, a meal and plenty of laughter"

-Yuti Dave

Cemented at will-the building blocks of tomorrow

Still, the families would not agree. “We decided it’s now or never,” says Yuti. “So, on July 13, 2010, we got married in a temple. However, I could not keep it silent on my conscience. I had to tell my parents.”

Initially upset and taken back, both sets of parents took the inevitability of the marriage in their stride and gave them their blessings."Believe it or faint, we actually married four times. Once at the mandir, once in court, not to forget the two ceremonies organised individually by two sets of parents,” laugh Nirav. “But the important thing is that we managed to win over both families’ eventually through patience, perseverance and positivity. As things stand, both sides are very close to each other.”

Post their nuptials, Yuti shifted to Chandrapur. And though her career did take a hit, as expected, she managed to get close to her inlaws and forge close bonds with them. Daughter Eeha followed in due course. “Despite the fact it was a small city we had a lovely, warm and close-knit social circle and we had some wonderful times,” says Yuti.

So, what according to both are the pillars of a marriage after so many years? “Love is the foundation of pretty much everything along with trust and respect for each other,” says Nirav. Meanwhile, Yuti would root for “communication and understanding. If I don’t like something, I tell him and sort it out there and then. It is better to be upfront and clear rather than fret quietly over things,” she says. “That apart, we believe in cherishing the little moments of joy and togetherness. We celebrate every occasion and every small win with an ice-cream, a meal and plenty of laughter. These actually are the big things in a marriage.”

Like every couple, they have their differences too. “The important thing, though, is for one person to keep their cool and try to understand why the partner is upset. Say sorry if you are wrong and move on,” is Nirav’s simple take. “What really works in our favour, though, is that temperamentally we are different. I am the hot-tempered one but he is mature and chilled out,” smiles Yuti.

Though Chandrapur was a lovely innings, the couple took a considered decision to shift back to Yuti’s hometown Pune in the interest of better career prospects and Eeha’s education.

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Loving and supporting each other through thick and thin
• Enjoying small moments together
• Trust, respect and communication

Bringing up baby

Life is hectic considering both their professions entail frequent travel, but it helps to have elderly grandparents lending a hand with nine-year-old Eeha. “She is quite a mature kid that way. Composed and considerate beyond her years, she does not give us a hard time,” says the proud mommy.

So, what is their take on parenting? “It is a blessing, a privilege and responsibility to be cherished,” says Nirav. “We are both hands-on and fairly involved parents.”

While both Nirav and Yuti want Eeha to do the best she can at school, they don’t believe in pressurising her. “The important thing is that the child enjoys what she is doing,” says Yuti. “Of course, our focus is overall development and above all, an abiding respect for elders, family and our cultural traditions,” she rounds off.