Two states, one beautiful journey

When Sunita Singh, CA turned fitness en-trepreneur and life coach met her significant half, Atul Kulkarni at Infosys, Bengaluru, they realised pretty early on that they were meant to have a lifetime together-de-spite the so-called differences in their cultural backgrounds

Life is a beach and a sea of possibilities

She’s a Bihari, he’s a Maharashtrian. And yes, the twain did meet because the couple concerned knew exactly who they were and what they wanted.

Talk about a heartwarming story and a valuable lesson on the strength of con-viction when it comes to making and sticking to life decisions.

13-year-old Arjun completes the circle of love.

Back to the beginning

This love story was first scripted on the campus of Infosys, Bengaluru in 2005. Both Sunita and Atul were part of the same project and training session. The chemistry was spontaneous and the conver-sation flowed smoothly for both the new joiners. Clearly, there was much to bind them despite both being different people on the service. “I was at-tracted to her warmth, positivity and fun-loving attitude,” says Atul, the quieter of the two. On her part, Sunita liked the fact that their values and likes matched. “We both are family-oriented people and prioritise quality time with loved ones. We also love movies and music,” she expresses.

And just like that, they were a couple, intending to take the relationship to the next level. The families, however, were none too pleased given the seemingly vast chasm in their cultural back-grounds. Despite their misgivings, though, Atul’s parents took the line that they trusted their son’s judgement. While Sunita’s father and other elders in the family were brought around by her brother. “He not only rooted for us as a couple but also stressed the fact that I had a right to choose my own life partner,” she says.

Once the families met, though, they were convinced that their children had chosen wisely. Thus, with both families’ blessings, the duo enjoyed a traditional North Indian wedding with all the trimmings in 2006.

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Celebrating differences
• Accepting each other’s families
• Respecting each other’s goals and aspirations

All for one, one for all: Mom, dad and Arjun

The Building Blocks of a Marriage

Post their nuptials, the couple moved in with Atul’s family in Kothrud, Pune. And yes, the cultural gap was quite something for Sunita-in the initial years, at least. “Everything was just so different-from the food on the table to the way festivals were celebrated. However, one of my core strengths in life has been the ability to look at the brighter side of things and accept situations and people,” says Sunita. “And today, our family is all the richer for the cultural exchange and acceptance. Not only is our son brought up in an accepting, tolerant and mature embrace, but also it is double the fun,” she says. “For example, when my parents came to Pune, they witnessed the Ganeshotsav with all its colour and noise for the first time. They enjoyed the experience so much that they decided to conduct the Ganesh pooja in our Ranchi home as well. I think this is a wonderful instance of cultural appreciation.”

So, what according to both, are the pillars of a marriage given their togetherness for the last 16 years? “Respecting each other’s dreams and ambitions for one. Love is important, yes, but understanding and the ability to see the other’s viewpoint is even more so,” says Sunita. While Atul would underline the sheer criticality of owning each other’s families as well. “The person you love comes from a certain set of people. When you love, accept and respect those people too, your bond becomes that much stronger and so does the overall family unit,” he says.

Life is hectic and happy, even as both manage their current roles. While he’s working as a senior consultant with an IT company, she’s metamorphosed into a fitness coach, model and pageant winner apart from running her own online business-N21 that focuses on fitness and associated products. All that, and she is also a member of a band and sings and performs regularly. Obviously, there’s much to be said for spousal support and backing each other’s dreams-with Atul appreciating all the energy and enthusiasm she packs her days with.

Like every couple, they have their share of fights too but quickly managed to overcome those. “What has especially helped us gain a deeper understanding of things is the counselling we have received and the books we have read-as part of our training in running the business. We would particularly recommend the works 'Personality Plus' and 'The Five Love Languages'that focus on the importance of understanding the other person’s personality and expressions,” he says. “When you understand why someone responds the way they do, it automatically moves the conversation to a higher level and conflict becomes an opportunity towards learning.”

Bringing up baby

Naturally, an important arena of teamwork would be parenting. Both Atul and Sunita are dedicated to 13-year-old Arjun and are keen on giving him as well-rounded an education and upbringing as possible. The one thing, they are not, though, is paranoid about the kid’s studies. “Honestly, I was the parent with the innate potential to have become a real nag about studies,” giggles Sunita. “After all, I was quite the studious kid myself, what with having secured a rank in the All India Exam for Chartered Accountancy. But then, I met Atul, who’s a CA too, and is yet extremely chilled out in life, and I realised how academic excellence may be achieved sans the stress,” she says. “So, what’s important to both of us as parents is not marks or performance at school, but his enjoyment of the little things.”

What is clearly non-negotiable, though, is that Arjun grows up to be a good person who keeps his word, respects elders and values the institution of the family. “Both of us are firm about him being honest and doing the right thing. At the end of the day, everyone becomes a professional. What is important is to raise a good human being,” they round off.