In support of thy soul

Married for almost a decade, and courted for longer, the recently crowned Mrs India Empress of the Nation 2021-Deepti Chacko Bangera and her significant half Lalit Bangera, corporate pro-fessionals both, give us the lowdown on overcom-cur-rently long distance marriage-to not just make it work, but also grow together and support each other’s dreams. Five-year-old Shaurya completes the happy picture

Love, say the old and the wise, is not so much about the trappings as it is about the feelings. Over and above trite expressions of romance, there’s much to be said about connecting mind and soul with your chosen partner. Deepti and Lalit would agree. For this is one partnership founded on friendship and motivated by a deep-seated understanding of each other at the most fundamental level.

So even as Deepti rakes in the accolades for her recent win at the Diva pageant, she is quietly supported in each of her endeavours by a proud Lalit-who absolutely admires the way she goes after her dreams with resolution and singular purpose.

In fact, he says, this is one of the reasons he fell in love with her.

Back to the beginning

This story was first scripted in 2006 when Nashik girl Deepti Chacko, an engineering graduate from Pune’s prestigious Government College of Engineering joined Emersons Process Management in Mumbai. As a Graduate Engineering Trainee she was to report to Lalit Bangera, the lead engineer for the project. From the outset, Lalit was only too happy to help the dynamic and focused Deepti optimize her potential. “Instrumental and Control-the subject I graduated in-has very few female engineers. But Lalit is the very opposite of a chauvinist;he is someone who absolutely wanted to help me prove that a professional can achieve whatever he/she wishes to provide they work hard enough,” she shares.

Though they made for great colleagues, it wasn’t only until Deepti left Emersons for another stint that the relationship actually moved to another level. “I realized how lucky I had been to have him as a boss and how different he was to people I had recently met,” she says.

They reconnected in due course. This time, their equation acquired another dimension. “So yes, we accepted we had feelings for each other,” says Lalit. “Truth be told I had fallen for her at first sight. Her courage, boldness, ability to express what’s on her mind and ambition to make something of her life were qualities I hugely admired.”

On her part, Deepti loved how supportive, non-judgmental, patient and composed Lalit is. Nevertheless, both decided to take things one day at a time-not in the least because their families needed to come around. “I am a Keralite Catholic while he is a Manglorean Hindu. The elders were none too pleased. On the one hand, there were my folks worried as to whether marriage into another community would take the shine off my persona, whilst his parents naturally wondered whether I would respect their way of life,” she says.

Instead of rebelling-or acquiescing-couple quietly but firmly stood their ground. Given their maturity, determination and unwavering patience in the face of resistance, both sets of parents realized that this wasn’t infatuation but the real thing. To make things easier, Deepti had the firm backing of her army officer sister-another strong and dynamic lady-while Lalit was backed by an elder in the family: his sister’s father-in-law who had no doubt in his mind that Lalit had chosen sensibly for himself.

Eventually, both sets of parents gave in and the duo was married amidst a happy and colourful celebration that brought both families together. While the engagement was conducted through Catholic rituals, the wedding ceremony was Hindu. “Most importantly, we had the love and blessings of both sets of elders. We were clear from the outset that this was a priority with both of us, and to that end, we would take no extreme step, but wait for them to come around,” says Lalit. “They did.”

On the day of their wedding, Deepti’s father assured the young couple of their support. “You have us to fall back on when you both need help and we will interfere where needed. Just enjoy the journey and take care of each other.”

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Love and acceptance
• Celebrating differences
• Sharing confidences
• Supporting each other’s dreams

SardesaiDeepti Chacko Bangera and Lalit Bangera

Building blocks of marriage

Given the misgivings of an inter-religious match how tough was it to finally live together as man and wife? “Well, we were clear that we would have our own space, whilst living close to his parents in Borivli, Mumbai. This naturally made the adjustments easier all around. At the same time, our common South Indian roots and the fact that we are both fish and rice eaters, made for a happy common factor. Who’s complaining when you love each other’s food with all your palate?” quips Deepti.

Despite the tough timings and hectic schedules given their demanding corporate careers, quality time consists of making the most of each moment. This is especially important given that Lalit is currently based in Singapore handling Digital Transformation for Manufacturing Process Industries for the ASEAN region for Siemens while Deepti is in Mumbai, heading business for South India and Sri Lanka for Aveva IT solutions. “The move to Singapore was initially ok because we could travel to and fro. Despite the separation, we were only a flight away. But then Covid struck and none of us could move from where we were. Thus, the last two years have been excruciating with important learnings in their wake,” says Deepti.

Considering that she had a 5-year-old son to bring up all by herself in Lalit’s absence, Deepti moved back to her parents in Nashik even as Lalit stayed put in Singapore. “Despite the tough time, we decided to give each endeavour our best shot. While I finished writing my debut novel Her Master’s Grief and made the most of my writing potential, he invested in a good sound system to be able to sing to us online. This helped us tide over the tough times” she says. “Luckily, things are far better now even though Covid isn’t quite over.”

So, what made her participate in a pageant? “To narrate a long story simply, entering the pageant was a journey of self-discovery and fitness,” she says. A sportswoman all through her academic career, a back injury, enforced rest and a stint with steroids led the kilos to pile on. “Believe it or not, I actually hit a whopping 147 kgs. Most people believed I was beyond redemption, at a point of no return so to speak. But I decided to take my life and health in hand-and with my fauji sister’s encouragement I started a fitness and wellness program. It took time and several years, but I lost the pounds,” she says. “Entering the pageant was not only a reaffirmation of my inner conviction to make a mark, but also to tell all the ladies out that fitness, good health and confidence can be regained even if one has lost them to time and circumstances.”

Whilst her first foray into pageantry hadn’t gone quite as expected in 2018 even as a long and rambling answer lost her precious points, the second time around, she was far better prepared. “As I answered the question posed to me, I went back to my place knowing that I had forgiven myself for my earlier gaffe,” she says. Luckily the judges adored her answer, and she won the coveted title.

A happy outcome in more ways than one. And one that couldn’t have been possible without Lalit cheering her on all through. So, what according to both are the pillars of a relationship? “The fact that I can bare my soul and be completely genuine with him,” says Deepti. Whilst Lalit would stress on the importance of communication and talking problems through.

As is the case with every couple, this duo has their setbacks and conflicts too. “As a rule, I am the one who apologizes after a fight,” he grins. “Both of us have a short fuse and the sparks tend to fly, but then we sit down and have a conversation. The reason why I get particularly angry is because I assess the big picture and the outcome of things. I see the situation in its entirety and for the risk it represents. When I explain where I am coming from, he sees my point,” explains Deepti.

Bringing up baby

Both Deepti and Lalit believe in bringing up Shaurya with time-honoured Indian values. These would include a respect for elders, family and relationships. “Luckily for me, I have the support of my mother in this regard-and as we all know, grandparents have a huge role to play in passing on values and culture to grandchildren,” says Deepti.

Also, while they want him to do well at school, they simply want him to better his own best and be happy with the effort he invested. “The outcome of an exam isn’t as important as his happiness, well-being and self-belief,” she rounds off.