Second chances & a fresh, new spring

UK-based couple Manjiri Gokhale Joshi and her significant half Abhay Joshi are charting diverse terrain with aplomb and dexterity, be it high profile and demanding careers, their own very educational and professional mentoring cum tutorial consultancy Elephant Connect or their 12-year old charitable foundation Maya CARE which serves the elderly across 29 Indian cities, 4 UK cities, while providing livelihood to 100 plus persons with disabilities (PWD). While both Manjiri and Abhay have enjoyed admirable career graphs as programme management, leadership training and IT professional respectively. So be it co-parenting their daughters Tanvi and Mahi to funding their own charitable foundations MayaCARE and Vi Foundation, they are living the life of their dreams, which is meaningful, simple, honest and utterly grounded. This is their story and this is how they tell it.

Abhay Joshi and Manjiri Gokhale Joshi

As the truism goes: find yourself first; love will follow.

That’s exactly how things happened in the case of Manjiri Gokhale Joshi and Abhay Joshi, 12 years ago.

Single parents both, they were nevertheless not averse to giving marriage and companionship a second chance. Their first attempt at family life hadn’t quite led to happiness-despite both giving their respective marriages their best shot. Still, like the proverbial silver lining along with the dark clouds, there was plenty on their plates to keep them gainfully absorbed: busy and rewarding career profiles and their respective children. So, marriage for the sake of it, was never on the cards. Both knew with the wisdom and clarity that life’s tough lessons invariably bring in their wake, that remarriage would entail someone very special.

Luckily, both had friends who were considerably more proactive towards their marital prospects and that’s how Manjiri Gokhale and Abhay Joshi found themselves connected on a matrimonial website. Similar cultural backgrounds and affinity towards education and development were binding factors. The conversation moved ahead seamlessly and soon they were chatting regularly despite Abhay leading software project delivery in the UK and Manjiri working as a national manager for one of India’s large insurance companies in Mumbai.

However, while they seemed to gel very well on the important life matters and core values, Manjiri was sceptical about being able to take the leap of faith-a second time around. “Both of us had given our best to our first marriages and yet, things hadn’t quite worked out. Naturally, we both had to be very sure about what we were doing; it wasn’t just our lives and careers, there were young children involved.” (Her daughter Mahi was nine at the time while his daughter Tanvi was 15.)

Even as the couple debated and discussed the matter fervently, it was a stalemate. But the turning point came spontaneously and unexpectedly. Abhay was visiting Manjiri in her hometown Pune and both were walking around the verdant public garden Sarasbaug. “While I kept repeating how unsure and undecided I was, he asked me to write down a list of 10 reasons as to why I felt things wouldn’t work out between us-and he would address each of them, one by one,” she reminisces. Touched by his positivity and determination, she knew that he was indeed The One.

Ever the realist, Abhay asked her to stay with him and his daughter in the UK along with a friend or family member of her choice to understand how life would be and the sacrifice it would take to leave behind a flourishing career in India and start afresh in the UK.

But Manjiri had spent three months in the UK on an executive scholarship earlier and knew what the shift would entail.

In 2009, both tied the knot with their families’ blessings.

"No cutting corners, patience, humour and compassion-his commitment to our daughters is complete. Above all, he is very easy to be around and live with"

- Manjiri

ADJUSTMENT, ACCEPTANCE AND THE WAY FORWARD

Post-marriage, Manjiri shifted to the UK and gradually worked her way up the corporate ladder again, whilst juggling home, work, Mahi and Tanvi, who were very much a part of their lives, despite living with her mother, Abhay’s ex-wife. An unusual arrangement, for sure, but both Abhay and Manjiri were sure that they would be a family in the true sense of the word. Nothing and nothing less would do.

As Manjiri continued to pursue her career as the Head of Project Management and Learning & Development specialist at a large, globally acknowledged publishing house in London, a job that involved a 90-minute (one way) train commute to London from Milton Keynes where they were based. However, Abhay was well settled in his role as the Head of Delivery at an Indian IT company based in Milton Keynes, so he was closer to home and able to provide the anchoring that was needed.

CAREER-WISE

Both Manjiri and Abhay have chartered assorted terrain professionally.

Manjiri is a successful programme management professional and has enjoyed a many-splendored career: As Head, HR, Zensar BPO and National Marketing Head, ICICI Lombard whilst in India. After shifting to the UK, she has worked for Informa PLC, GlobalLogic. Pre-Covid she was heading Global Talent Track (GTT), a skills development and training/HR solutions venture funded by Intel Capital, Helion Ventures and Cisco Systems and founded by Dr Uma Ganesh and Dr Ganesh Natarajan.

Despite being a successful IT professional, Abhay has always had a passion for teaching and mentoring young minds. That’s how Elephant Connect was born with two core purposes. On the one hand, Elephant Connect Professional offers training and mentoring in the areas of management, leadership, programme/project management and communication customised to address specific business and development needs of organisations and individuals.

On the other, he leads a team that tutors students in Maths, Science IT and Management. Currently operational in the United Kingdom, it has helped 100-plus students secure places in the Universities of their choice and 200-plus students achieve higher grades at GCSE and A-level board exams.

“Honestly, post-Covid, the geographical boundaries have blurred. The outreach and possibilities become that much more,” he says. Our subscription-based online revision aides including quizzes and flashcards are effective, interactive and fun tools for students to prepare for exams.” Apart from this, they offer holistic preparatory training courses in interview skills, writing applications, communication, and public speaking. They also offer a blend of practical and theoretical project-based training for students seeking work experience.

Undoubtedly what keeps both Manjiri and Abhay going is their sheer enjoyment in working with young people and channelising raw, youthful enthusiasm and curiosity into professional competition and knowledge.

A LIFE BEYOND SELF

One of the things that connected the couple was their need to give back to society. Considering the lack of a formal social security and care programme for the elderly in India, soon after they got married in 2009, they decided that their newborn NGO Maya CARE would focus on their needs. “People who are above 70 form the first generation of Indians who face the reality of living by themselves, while most of them gave their attention, care and love to their own parents and extended families. Besides, being a generation that revelled in adapting to change - from the radio to content on smartphones, their need for intellectual and emotional stimulation is high. We wanted to establish a service that helps them live active, independent lives as long as possible,” says Abhay.

Maya CARE’s goals are clear enough: First, a helpline in every spoken language of the world to be managed by a person with disabilities in each country. Second, a leadership team and 90% of paid work at Maya Care is managed by persons with disabilities. Third, putting together the financial resources to offer competitive salaries and career paths to this team. “Since 2009, Maya CARE has conducted 10,500 free visits offering intellectual, emotional, medical, and logistical assistance to the elderly. Services are available in 29 Indian and four UK cities with supporters’ groups across the world. Currently, over 100 persons have got a livelihood through Maya CARE”.

What’s particularly laudable is that the couple has ploughed most of their professional income into Maya CARE, thereby giving up on financial and lifestyle goals that most accomplished professionals could look forward to. “Neither Abhay nor I come from high-flying business homes; our upbringing has been middle-class in every way. However, our attempt is to build an organisation that continues to serve well beyond our work lives and this is very important to both of us. So, even if we have had to give up large and small materialistic personal expenses along the way, it’s a choice we are happy to make,” shrugs Manjiri.

That’s not all. The duo also runs the Vi Educational Foundation which aims to provide top-quality education for underprivileged background students with the aim of an above 90% grade in the Standard 10 board exams. To that end, they are mentoring students from five schools in Mumbai, Pune and Beed district through a strong network of paid and voluntary teachers who work closely with the students and schools to help them achieve higher grades in the board exams.

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Shared value system
• Looking at the bigger picture
• Celebrating differences
• Acceptance, patience and effort

"When Manjiri decides on doing something, she finds a way to get it done. Apart from being driven and focused, she has a way of taking people along with her"

- Abhay

THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF A MARRIAGE

The old and the wise say that the cementing factor in a relationship would be a shared value system-and the Joshis are no different. “We were both looking for simplicity, honesty, and someone to grow old with. We have found that,” she says. “Thus, when the big things go your way, it is up to you to adjust with the small things.”

The respect for each other is mutual and palpable. “When Manjiri decides on doing something, she finds a way to get it done. Apart from being driven and focused, she has a way of taking people along with her,” says Abhay. On her part, Manjiri would laud him for the brilliant father he is to their girls. “No cutting corners, patience, humour and compassion-his commitment to our daughters is complete,” she says. “Plus, he has a great sense of humour-and that has a way of diffusing any potential situation or issues that may crop up. Above all, he is very easy to be around and live with. He is not someone to make a big deal of things-and that is a critical quality for a relationship to survive difficult times,” says Manjiri.

Quality time would consist of enjoying Bollywood films together, not to mention long walks, theatre and music. “And of course, travel-when we can afford it. It’s amazing to discover new worlds together,” she says.

BRINGING UP THE BABIES

Ask the couple how challenging it has been to bring together two young girls-a teenager and pre-teen respectively-born of their previous marriages-plus have them bond together as part of a whole, new unit, and the answer is that everything works out-if you have the right intentions and put in the due diligence in getting to know young minds and treat them with courtesy, care, and respect. “Tanvi has always lived with her mother, though she visits us often,” says Abhay. Understandably confused and hesitant when she first met Manjiri, the acceptance from both sides has been gradual but complete over time, with numerous family meetings and festivals. Today, Manjiri is definitely a friendly and reassuring part of Tanvi’s world, and the comfort factor is palpable. “When I wrote my parenting book 'Crushes, Careers and Cellphones', both she and Mahi contributed to it. That felt great,” says Manjiri, who also happens to be a former journalist and prolific writer.

Abhay has a similarly heartening experience with parenthood. “What was truly admirable was the ease with which Mahi adjusted to a new country and new home. I really credit Manjiri for having raised her to be an independent and confident little girl,” shares Abhay. Manjiri adds that while she was a single parent for a long time, she had the help of her family in bringing up Mahi. “My mother, the late Dr Vidya Gokhale, would take up her studies, even as she developed an understanding of sports thanks to her proximity to my dad Dr Suresh Gokhale and brother Madan. That’s not all. My brother’s wife Gauri, too, has played an active part in her life, picking her up and dropping her to school and activities and more, while I had to be away in the UK,” says Manjiri. “Simply put, a child deserves to have diverse loving bonds with many people. Think of a tribe of elephants; many adults contribute time, effort and care into protecting and bringing up one single baby. This not only keeps the baby safe but also helps it develop assorted skills that will help it negotiate a life in the jungle,” she says. “The same goes for people.”

Despite being academic achievers themselves, neither Manjiri nor Abhay believed in pushing the girls towards academics or any specific professional ideal. “We only wanted them to grow up as independent, confident and sensitive individuals. For the rest, everything would fall in place; we were sure of that,” says Abhay.

As of today, Tanvi (28) is heading operations in a UK-based company that deals with allocation and management of council homes while Mahi (22) who just graduated from Oxford with a PPE (Politics, Philosophy and Economics) degree is working as a Prison Officer-as part of a program “Unlocked” to sensitise young people towards the complexities of life and the nexus between poverty and systemic instability that pushes people to crime. In the UK, unlike in India, prisoners’ welfare is not looked after by the police but by the prison officer. Say the proud parents. “It is not an easy role. Each day brings forth a new challenge. Undoubtedly, such a job can be unnerving and overwhelming to one so young but the learning opportunities it opens up are absolutely huge. She has just started and so far, she is doing fine,” says Manjiri.

As the couple goes from strength to strength with their lives and social work, they have sound advice to offer other couples. “Once you know someone well, it’s always a good idea to alter your expectations accordingly. Concentrate on the positives and let go of the minor irritants. This pretty much is the cornerstone of harmony and togetherness in any relationship,” they round off.