The Buddy Factor

It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage

Married for 17 years, IT professionals Deepa and Rakesh Ramchandani believe that the longevity of a relationship is rooted in something basic yet enduring: friendship. With camaraderie as the base, everything stands simplified: Marriage included

Not for this couple the standard endearments of “darling”, “sweetheart” or the like. Their special name for each other is far more prosaic and believable. “We call each other buddy. And why not? After all, friendship is the ultimate couple goal. Everything revolves around good old dosti. Conversation, communication and even conflict,” grins Deepa.

The down to earth take on matters of the heart and hearth is entirely in keeping with the couple’s personality: sensible, on point and yet warm and unassuming.

As things stand: Rakesh is Vice President Alliances and Digital at Pune’s leading IT firm Cybage. Deepa with her commerce background used to head the business development and marketing teams within the same organisation before her current sabbatical to be with their 13 year old boy, Aditya as he completes his final years of school.

Back to the beginning

This love story was first scripted when Rakesh moved to Pune from his home town, Gandhidham in Gujarat (close to the Kandla port) post his ICWA finals. “I wanted to study computers as they were emerging as the future in the year 1999-2000,” he reminisces. “While the intention was to chart a career course that would combine my core competency of finance with computers, things turned out differently. I completed my Masters and have pursued an IT career at Cybage ever since,” he says.

Here’s where he met Deepa. From the outset, he was impressed with her intelligence, dedication and dignified carriage. And so he chose to wish her differently on her birthday-with an emailed poem at midnight.

“I was taken aback but suitably intrigued. Composing a poem for someone on their special day is indeed a creative way of greeting them. The question was: Who was Rakesh?”

What followed was a year of courtship, coffee dates and long walks in the picturesque location in and around Cybage. “One thing in life never to be underestimated is the sheer joy of a meaningful conversation. He’s intelligent and mature and the chats were a tremendous value addition to our equation,” she says. “As they are, to this day.”

As the relationship progressed, Rakesh told her that he intended talking to her parents. “He assured me he would walk up to my dad and ask to come home. I didn't think he would actually do it without a formal introduction but he did,” she adds. “As it happened, dad had come to pick me up from work. Rakesh greeted him and asked for a meeting. Surprised though he was, dad agreed.”

Fortunately, both sets of parents were okay with the alliance owing to their common Sindhi roots and shared professional backgrounds but Deepa's father was a firm believer in matching horoscopes. Luckily, the stars did foretell a happy future and the duo married in 2003.

“What I would like to point out here in retrospect is that while it’s all very well to believe in astrology, it would be even better to check for potential medical conditions or at least have an honest chat about the same. The Punjabi-Sindhi community, for instance, does tend to have a strain of Thalassemia (a group of blood related diseases due to faulty hemoglobin synthesis) and it’s a good idea for prospective couples to discuss these things instead of getting rude surprises later on. Sure, medical advancements, gene therapy and counselling exist but these things need to happen before the couple thinks of conceiving,” she says. I am a Thalassemia minor and fortunately Rakesh does not have the trait. If he did, it would have been a problem for the kids,” she says. “With time, one must bring in this appreciation of medical facts as well to the marriage table. Nothing to mind or get offended about.”

“One thing in life never to be underestimated is the sheer joy of a meaningful conversation. He’s intelligent and mature and the chats were a tremendous value addition to our equation”

- Deepa

The Mantras Of Marriage

• Shared passions and common ground
• Open and heart to heart conversations
• Adjustment and compromise
• Not bringing work home

Moods, moments and memories: Deepa and Rakesh
Ramchandani with son Aditya

The building blocks of a marriage

While a career in IT is demanding, the duo is particular about maintaining a work-life balance. “We have an unwritten rule. Once home, no one talks shop or discusses work,” says Rakesh. “Weekends are for drives, eating out and relaxing with a good movie.”

Sure, they did work in the same organisation for many years but as he points out the departments were different and that helped keep a distance between work and home.

Experience has taught them a simple but effective way of dealing with conflict. “Sleep it over. Don’t try to sort things out in the heat of the moment. Talk things out only when both parties are calm. When you meet your partner half way, the situation becomes clearer,” they say.

Given that they’ve been married so long what is that their take on the institution?

“I would say that though it is absolutely okay to be two different individuals, it’s important to have some shared passions. It could be love for travel, food or music. It doesn’t matter what exactly it is but common ground is key,” says Rakesh. “That, and shared values.”

Deepa points out that her honesty and commitment are the foundation of a stable home. “Oh and it helps that we have similar taste in music,” she laughs.

Both admit that marriages in the world of IT are seen to be quite a war zone. “It depends on the couple and what they value. Looks, lifestyle or a far more deep rooted connection of the heart. Marriage can be seen either as a life long investment or a short term contract. I would say that the former is more rewarding,” says Rakesh.

Deepa and Rakesh Ramchandani

Bringing up baby

Parenting is another zone of team-work that both take seriously. “From the outset, we were clear that I would be the bad cop who takes care of day to day discipline, studies and nutrition. Dad would intervene only in difficult situations,” says Deepa. “The reason is basic. He gets less time with Aditya, and that time should not be touched by scolding or face-offs,” she says.

Due attention is paid to his all-round development, even parents help out with studies. This surely seems to have worked out given that Aditya is quite the child prodigy with an award winning mobile app to his name.

Mrush as the app is called, simplifies personal finance and combines Aditya’s interest in the subject with his love of numbers. In just over four months, the app has seen 1500 plus downloads and won the first prize at the Pune chapter of the Young Entrepeneurs Academy.

While Deepa and Rakesh are justifiably proud, they are particular about letting him be and developing at his own pace. And as he grows, both believe one parent should be home. “I remember that the high point of my day was to return home to mom and tell her all about the day’s events. I wanted Aditya to have that too,” says Deepa explaining why after years of both full-time and part time work, she decided on a complete sabbatical. “It has not been an easy decision since I absolutely love work. But for the moment, this is what is working well for us,” she rounds off. “Some moments are too precious to be missed out on.”