LOVED & MARRIED TOO

Karl and Anjana Mascarenhas, proprietors and owners of Diva Pageants, one of India’s largest platforms for married women, on what it takes to keep a marriage as well as a dream called “DIVA” thriving. As Karl says: “Growing older is mandatory; growing up is optional.” A point worth considering, especially, when it comes to negotiating the delicate threads of relationships. And a few dreams as well

Way back in the 90s when inter-cultural marriages were not quite the order of the day, Delhi girl Anjana’s uncle, glumly surveyed Karl, the prospective son-in-law of the family. With a sigh, he said: “You are a Catholic from Mumbai, we are Punjabis from Delhi. We only speak Hindi, you seem to only know English. In case of a dispute, how do we resolve it?”

Awesome twosome: Karl and Anjana

To which Karl retorted, “Isn’t that great? If we don’t speak, how on earth will a dispute arise ?”

If life were all about wit, panache and well-timed humour, Karl Mascarenhas certainly has the same in spades. A way of life that has been ably partnered by his better half the articulate and effervescent Anjana, and over time, found expression in the couple’s five-year-old venture DIVA pageants, which runs three major contests Mrs Maharashtra, Mrs West India and Mrs India, that have gone from strength to strength in popularity.

BACK TO THE BEGINNING

This love story dates back to the time when Karl, a corporate professional, was entrusted with the task of setting up a branch for Global Teleservices Limited (now rechristened GTL Lyd), the country’s leading fax machine dealers at that point in time. This required him to shift base from his hometown of Mumbai to Delhi, a prospect made interesting with the thought of interacting with the “cute and charming” Anjana, an employee of the organisation he had met on his recce visit.

Though the relationship was a formal one as he was her boss, the ice gradually broke over time. “I found her charming and positive, qualities that are hugely important to me. A person’s looks are a matter of nature and genes, but their innate charm tells you a whole new story,” he says.

On her part, she vastly admired him for his can-do-never-say-die-spirit, his relaxed approach towards problems and unfailing good humour.

The turning point came when she invited him home to experience a big fat Diwali celebration in her quintessentially Delhi-Punjabi home. “At the end of a lovely evening of pooja and mithai, I happened to mention to him that I didn’t know how long I would be able to continue working, given the fact that my parents were looking out for a suitable marital alliance for me,” reminisces Anjana. To which Karl posed a simple question. “In that case, why don’t you marry me?”

Taken aback, Anjana nevertheless gave the subject some thought. “I got along so well with him; so why was I hung up on a Hindu boy only?” I wondered. Luckily for them, both had progressive parents who thought the same way. “So we had a Hindu wedding and a church ceremony,” smiles Karl. “Talk about doing our bit for National Integration.”

THE PILLARS OF A RELATIONSHIP

Married for close to three decades, what according to them are the pillars of a marriage? “Commitment and love,” says Anjana, while Karl would place mutual respect at the numero uno spot. “When you respect each other, everything falls in place,” he says.

So whether it’s his assorted turns in the corporate world, handling senior levels in marketing, business development and public relations or her two-decade-old career as a fashion designer-entrepreneur and successful stint as the boutique owner of a women’s wear line called “DIVA,” both believe that a successful partnership is about giving each other the space and support to build on a dream.

"A pageant was a wonderful platform to help an individual become the best version of themselves"

- Anjana

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

Karl and Anjana with son, Kris

A DREAM CALLED DIVA

“As my boutique drew in more customers, I started having several conversations with married women across the board. They would come to me for tips on grooming and dressing well, and that’s when I realised that there was nary a platform for married women in India to express themselves,” she says. Interested as she was in the world of fashion and glamour, she wondered why it could not be used as a means of empowerment. That’s how and when she was studying the business as well as the notion of pageants, especially, those conducted in the US. “To my surprise, apart from Gladrags Mrs. India, there was little for married women in India. I thought it wasn’t fair that post shaadi and kids, women are not encouraged to do something for themselves; something that goes beyond career and family and money. A pageant was a wonderful platform to help an individual become the best version of themselves,” she says.

Arming herself with courses in pageantry, hair and makeup and nails, she asked Karl to lend a hand as well. “While I could bring in the participants, I needed help putting the partnerships and sponsorships together,” she says.

So the couple started off with Mrs. Pune which was a hit, and the rest is history. “The reason for the pageant to catch on in a big way is that we don’t have restrictions of age and weight. We have categories for women between 22 and 35 years and then 35 years upwards. Looks are not the be-all of everything; candidates are judged on their overall personality and that is why the experience is so empowering,” they say.

The icing on the cake is Karl’s book 'Beginning…is everything', which has emerged quite the best-seller, thanks to its exciting content. “As we took the contestants through the paces, I would tutor them on the importance of a catchy and exciting introduction on stage. After all, an exciting introduction does not just get you immediate attention, it also ensures you stand out. Simply put, well-begun is not just half done; well-begun means you have practically won,” he spells out.

Winner takes it all: Anjana poses with the crown that
has emerged as quite the coveted dream for married
women across the board

“In life and at work, on stage and off it, the way you project yourself makes all the difference between success and failure. This is what the book emphasises at the end of the day,” he says.

Given the high-pressure demands of organising as many as three pageants throughout the year, from auditions to grooming and training to the stage, how do the two of them manage to keep work and life separate? “It’s not really required,” smiles Karl. “DIVA, for us, was something that went beyond our professions. It was, in fact, a calling. So even when we do discuss the participants and the work, it is a fruitful and positive discussion. We manage to pool in our creative juices and it’s a hugely rewarding feeling,” he expresses. “Besides”, he adds mischievously, “ I have a simple mantra to offer. Before marriage, I was her boss. Today, she is mine. Inside, let the lady of the house rule. Outside, follow your own rules,” he laughs out aloud.

Jokes apart, some of his favourite words are ‘maturity’ and ‘self-realisation.’ In other words, he says, each step of life is about reinventing oneself. “Growing older is mandatory, however, growing up is optional. The latter will decide your progress in each aspect of your life, including marriage,” he says.

BRINGING UP BABY..IN RETROSPECT

Just the other day, the couple’s 26-year-old son Kris, a corporate professional working in Vancouver made an interesting observation about someone they all knew. “He said that his poor friend just didn’t have the Alpha factor in his life,” says Anjana. When she asked him what he meant, he elaborated that having parents like herself and Karl was a huge motivating factor in shaping his adult personality.

“In short,” says Karl, “we weren’t so much for old fashioned, dictatorial parenting as we were for being the role model he needed.” His advice for young parents is basic. “If you want your kid to value certain behaviour, your own conduct as parents is the finest example that he or she can possibly have. Just leave the lectures out; practice what you preach,” he rounds off.