A Venn diagram called love

Happily married for over 13 years, Pune-based corporate professionals Vibhuti and Amit Pandey believe marriage is about celebrating the commonalities and respecting differences. Eleven-year old Vedant completes the circle of love

Mathematically speaking, a Venn diagram is an illustration that uses circles to show the relationship between things. Circles that overlap have a commonality while those that don’t overlap do not share those traits.

An unusual way to view one’s marriage, but that’s exactly how Amit Pandey and his better half the effervescent Vibhuti would sum up their equation. “The commonalities are shared ground, so you build on those. The non-common traits, on the other hand, must be treated with patience, positivity and awareness,” expresses Amit.

Vibhuti couldn’t agree more because happily, both the intersecting and independent aspects of their personality have simply gone the distance in “enriching our relationship.”

Currently, employed with Deutsche Bank as Finance Manager, Vibhuti and Amit who works as Engineering Director with Cummins India, life is hectic but happy, with each day bringing new learnings.

BACK TO THE BEGINNING

Like several millennial love matches, this love story was first scripted via e-mail. At the time, Vibhuti was an undergraduate student pursuing her B.Com in Jabalpur. As she surfed the net in a cheerful little café (typical of the early 2000s), a screen pop up reminded her that she had an e-mail. “I have a cousin who goes by the name Amit Pandey. Naturally, I presumed that it was my bhaiya writing to me,” grins Vibhuti.

But she was quickly disabused of the notion even as Amit wrote back that he wasn’t her bhaiya by a long chalk. Still, the conversation flowed, easily and spontaneously. “The first time we spoke over the phone we chatted all night. Amit must have had to recharge his phone twice or thrice,” she smiles at the memory.

At the time, Amit had just completed his engineering from IIT and was employed with Ashok Leyland. “Though we met up soon after and got on famously, she was pretty young at the time,” he says.

Both decided it would be a good idea to wait till Vibhuti completed her MBA before informing his parents as the duration would not only give time to their relationship but also to Vibhuti to grow up a little more (she is six years younger to him). “Our patience paid off. When I finally introduced her to my parents, they were happy to have her as their daughter-in-law. They saw her from my lens and realised we were well-suited,” he shares. The duo wed in 2007.

"The three of us love travelling to Goa and we go there about twice a year to have a rocking time"

- Vibhuti

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Respect
• Trust
• Space
• Friendship
• Heart to heart conversation and communication

Winner takes all Vibhuti and Amit with their son
Vedant after winning the Diva pageant

FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH

In Pune since 2009, the couple is blessed with an eleven-year-old son called Vedant. And though both work tough hours, Vibhuti says she is able to manage the balance thanks to Amit’s relentless support and hands-on parenting. “He always wanted me to work towards achieving my career goals and has duly taken on the responsibilities at home,” she says.

An early loss, despite its poignancy, firmly cemented the marital bond. “I had a miscarriage. It was a very difficult time, and I was only 22 then. But though we lived in a nuclear set-up, Amit took good care of me in every way. That was the one episode that was the proverbial turning point towards adulthood in the true sense of the word,” she says.

So what according to them are the pillars of marriage. “Love is important, yes. It ought to be at the centre of everything. But over and above that, trust and respect for one’s partner are absolutely crucial,” says Amit. “When I use the term respect, I mean respecting each other’s decisions, judgements and families.”

On her part, Vibhuti roots for friendship and space. “For instance, I am a very independent person who loves adventure sports like biking and trekking. I also enjoy solo travel something married people are not encouraged to take up. However, I believe, we only live once. And there should be no room for regrets whether it is spending enough time with one’s family or pursuing one’s own interests.”

Speaking of which, Vibuti was recently crowned Mrs West India by Diva Pageants. “I thoroughly enjoyed the experience as it brought forth a completely different aspect of my personality, one that went beyond being a professional or a homemaker. Besides, it also motivated me to get into shape. Focus and discipline are very important to stay on track. Luckily, each participant had good mentorship as well. From grooming to speech, the organisers trained us thoroughly, right through lockdown, and I enjoyed each moment thoroughly.” And just before she left for the pageant, little Vedant had good advice for her. “Mom,” he said, “You are already my Queen. Now go get your crown.”

Words that proved prophetic even as Vibuti stood out at the pageant. “As in every other thing, family support is everything and both, Amit and Vedant firmly stood by me, cheering me on every step of the way.”

Quality time consists of watching movies and trying out different cuisines. As a couple, both love their shared gupshups over cups of tea something they wouldn’t trade for the world. “Besides this, the three of us love travelling to Goa and we go there about twice a year to have a rocking time,” she grins.

Like every couple, they do fight, but the trick is for one person to step back a little. “If both lose it simultaneously, tensions will escalate. So, it is critical for one partner to keep quiet at the time. When peace is restored, that’s the right time to talk things through,” says Amit.

BRINGING UP BABY

“Amit is very involved and a hands-on dad. In fact, he has been so from the very beginning, thereby, allowing me to rejoin work fairly soon. He’s the disciplinarian, while I am the parent who takes care of the fun quotient,” she smiles.

Given that Vedant is now a pre-teen, both are mindful about giving him room for expression. “He is gradually coming into his own. He has views and opinions and it’s important for us to keep an open mind. At the same time, some things are non-negotiable such as courtesy, politeness and respect,” rounds off Vibhuti.