Acceptance thy name is love

It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage

She’s a doctor, he’s an engineer and in this case, the twain has met. Married for eight years, Priti Lendghar and Pankaj Jadhav are proof positive of the fact that when patience and resilience lead the way, everything falls into place: be it family approval or compatibility. As things stand Priti is an assistant professor at Dr D Y Patil College of Physiotherapy, Pune, while Pankaj is software specialist at the IT firm SAS R&D. Two-and-a-half years ago they were joined by their twin bundles of joy: little Saesha and Saksham. Life is hectic but happy

When Pankaj Jadhav asked his good friend Dr. Priti Lendghar to marry him, her answer, despite the rock-solid ground of friendship was a clear-cut no. Too much, she said, was against them. “From the differences in lifestyles given that I was from Nashik and she a big city girl from Pune to the contrary viewpoints of both families, we seemed to be opposite poles,” reminisces Pankaj. “To top it, I am an E&TC Engineer while she’s a physiotherapist. While in theory, there may be nothing odd about the combination, the fact is, in practice, a doctor and engineer tend to think and act in different ways. You approach problems differently, you come up with different solutions...a potential recipe for conflict, to be sure,” he adds.

Clearly, though, they were meant to be together, which is precisely why when he proposed again a few months later she said yes. “It was his maturity and emotional investment in our relationship that won me over,” says Priti.

But that was only half the battle won. Pankaj’s family, a traditional and conservative one, was far from impressed with the idea of love marriage. “From where I come from, life partners are chosen by one’s parents, with the approval of the family. Doing one’s own thing in this regard is not the norm,” he narrates.

It took a lot of convincing on his behalf-as well as the support of a sympathetic uncle for the parents to even consider the prospect of love marriage for their son. “My uncle had a lot of faith in my judgment and asked my parents to do the same,” he says.

Nevertheless, there were obstacles with both families finding it hard to see eye to eye on certain subjects. “I almost threw in the towel,” confesses Priti, “for I did not want to get married by hurting either set of parents. But Pankaj was adamant that we would manage to work it out and eventually we did,” she adds.

They tied the knot eventually in May 2011 with the love and blessings of both families.

Back to the beginning

This love story was first scripted way back in college, with a slight twist though. It wasn’t so much a boy-meet-girl story as a boy meets- girl’s sister story.

“Her elder sister, Trupti was my very good friend at Pune’s Vishwakarma Institute of Technology. She was part of a common group that would study and hang out together. Visiting each other’s homes was common,” says Pankaj. That’s when he met Trupti’s kid sister Priti. “She was studying for her HSC exams then and seemed way junior. At that age, a gap of four years seems a lot,” he says.

In due course, he completed his engineering and got a job in Bengaluru. That was seemingly the end of their brief association.

A few months later though, Pankaj’s college friends decided to meet up for a reunion in Konkan. Naturally Trupti attended and happened to bring Priti along. “Here’s when I saw her in an all-new light. Despite having suffered a serious injury a few months ago, she was cheerful and focused on what she wanted to do with her life and career. I found that remarkable,” he says.

Phone numbers exchanged, the conversations continued. In due course, the relationship went from strength to strength. “We are completely different people but that seems to work for us,” says Priti. “He’s calm and composed and mature. I, on the other hand, am quick to react and also quite outgoing.”

The building blocks of a marriage

Even so, they did go through teething troubles in the initial phase of the marriage. “Our families are really quite different, and it is natural for both sets of parents to have expectations. The trick is to accept everyone for who they are and respect each other,” says Pankaj. “After all, a marriage is a coming together of two families and not just the husband and wife.”

In a departure from convention, Pankaj was quite insistent about Priti completing her masters at Pune’s Sancheti Hospital. “The families were none too pleased as this would entail separation- never a good thing for a young couple. But I told Priti: it was now or never. If she didn’t complete her higher education immediately, it would be difficult for her to catch up later on,” says Pankaj.

The next few years were tough although, with she in Pune and he in Bengaluru. “However, that was our first taste of taking a decision and facing the consequences of the same as a couple. We bonded over the shared responsibilities and challenges that came our way and that helped us grow,” she says.

THE MANTRAS OF MARRIAGE

• Keeping one’s patience when the spouse is upset.
• Bonding over responsibilities
• Respecting and caring for each other’s family
• Celebrating differences
• Respecting and supporting the partner’s dreams

"He’s calm and composed and mature. I,on the other hand, amquick to react and alsoquite outgoing"

- Priti

Commitment, conviction
and comptability:
Priti and Pankaj

Bringing up babies

The couple was blessed with a twin boy and girl in Dec 2016. While Priti had to give up her job with Inlaks & Budhrani Hospital, Pune in the course of her pregnancy given her delicate health, she was clear she wanted to get back to work as soon as possible. Pankaj’s parents moved in with them in the interim and that proved to be a huge support. “Sure, we have an all-day domestic help for the kids, but the very fact that the grandparents are around, have us reassured,” she says.

Work-life balance is important to them. “I go to work early and come back early and play with the kids for an hour or so. Priti joins us a little later and gives the children their meals,” he says.

Quality time includes late-night movies, a coffee and late-night chat on the terrace and an annual getaway-just the two of them together-be it Mahabaleshwar or Goa.

Bringing up a lively and rambunctious pair of toddlers is a challenge at the best of times but the duo is particular about sharing responsibilities. “Priti is the stricter parent; I am more relaxed. While I am all for letting them do as they please, Priti wants them to do excellent in their academics as well,” he says.

Both are keen that the kids learn to play an musical instrument. “At the end of the day, art and music are what sustain you even in the loneliest of times,” he says. “We would want them to have that vital life skill.”

Like every young couple, they have their share of fights. But the crux, they say, is for one to stay resolutely quiet when the other is in a bad mood. “If you let fights escalate, they most certainly will,” she expresses.

“The trick is to know when to stop arguing. Timing is crucial to resolving a problem and ensuring the conflict gives way to conversation. Everyone has their highs and lows. But at the heart of every enduring relationship is a complete and loving acceptance of one’s spouse-their strengths and shortcomings included,” she rounds off.