In sickness & in wellness

It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage

ICU specialist Dr Sujata Limkar Mehta and her significant half neurosurgeon Dr Nirav Mehta (both attached to Bombay Hospital) wax eloquent on how it helps have a marriage standing on the grounds of a long-standing friendship not to forget a sound understanding of the medical profession. Through ups and downs, highs and lows, sickness and health, the one thing that runs like a continuous thread is camaraderie and love

These days, Dr. Sujata Mehta’s work hours only seem to get longer. As a consultant at the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at Bombay Hospital, she not only supervised the recent inauguration of their new ICU facility for sufferers of the coronavirus but is also preoccupied with putting the finishing touches on the staff’s work strategy. “Everything must work like a well-oiled machine. Each one must do their part. A single lapse and numerous people stand to get infected,” she exhales.

Yes, as an ICU specialist, she’s no stranger to the relentless demands of a medical emergency, but COVID-19 is unchartered terrain. “Honestly, we haven’t seen anything like it but it has to be faced,” she says. Understandably, she admits to being “anxious”, particularly since her Wadala based family consists of her elderly parents, husband and nine year old daughter. “That is not a great combination in the circumstances,” she says wryly. But at the end of the day, she knows she will be able to rise to the occasion given the unflinching support of her spouse and fellow doctor Nirav. “Thank God he understands what the profession entails,” she says.

The mantras of marriage

• Respecting each other’s dreams
• Supporting each other
• Helping with household chores and familial responsibilities
• Celebrating differences.

Back to the beginning

This love story dates back to Pune’s BJ Medical College all the way to 1994 when both Sujata Limkar and Nirav Mehta were pursuing their MBBS. Long hours in class and the dissection table meant a growing friendship. From the outset, the conversation flowed seamlessly and easily. The difference in personalities only seemed to complement the relationship. “She was social, friendly and pretty much relaxed when it came to studies. She would read up last minute but somehow manage to do very well,” says Nirav. On her part, she admired him for his innate kindness and courtesy to others, his ability to put people at ease, his meticulousness and attention to detail.

Gradually, things went from strength to strength. “I guess I was the one who fell in love. It made sense to take the relationship forward. We were best friends, gelled very well and understood the vagaries of the profession, the never-ending years of study, the erratic hours and so on. No one else can understand a doctor as another doctor can,” he reminisces.

Except that it wasn’t so simple. He’s a Gujarati while she was Maharashtrian. “The reservations, truth be told, weren’t from my parents but hers. My side of the family was used to love marriages, but there was nevertheless, a corollary attached: You are free to make your choices but you’ve also got to live with the consequences of the choices. So make sure you choose wisely”, he says.

With considerable discretion, the young doctors had managed to keep their relationship under wraps for quite some time: starting from their MBBS years through their internship in Malavalee, Lonavla to their residency years at Sassoon Hospital. She had topped her MD in medicine and he had done equally well on his MS (surgery) exams. But now, the familial pressure on Sujata to get married was mounting. “One way or the other, she would manage to put off the prospective alliance. But each time it was a close call. I decided it was time I did something about it,” he shares.

Mustering up his courage he asked her parents for an appointment. “I was not a stranger to them. They had seen me coming and going during our years together in college,” he says. “So they guessed what the meeting was for.”

To his surprise, her father received the news positively but told the young couple in no uncertain terms that they would be entirely responsible for the outcome.

After a year’s engagement, the duo were finally wed in 2002.

Immersing themselves in adventure and the deep
blue sea: The Mehtas on holiday

The building blocks of a marriage

“It’s not like life changed post marriage. For a medico couple aspiring to be super specialists the years of studies continued unabated. I got a chance to pursue neurosurgery at Bombay Hospital while Sujata got a seat to pursue the much-coveted medical oncology course in Ahmedabad. But this would have meant at least threee years of separation,” says Nirav.

“We had been together since the first year of MBBS and suddenly being away from each other would be daunting,” says Sujata. Voluntarily, she gave up her seat and shifted to Mumbai where she too got a chance to pursue critical care at Bombay Hospital.

Life in Mumbai is hectic and fast-paced, due to the combined demands of the city and their professions but the couple has benefitted from the support of their families. “One of the other set of parents has always been with us, especially after our daughter Prisha (9) was born. This has given us considerable strength,” says Sujata.

Quality time consists of frequent family trips every quarter, a fun game of bracing badminton or picking up leaves in a fun nature trail and identifying the differences. “Nature and the outdoors figure in a big way in whatever we do,” says Nirav. “The fresh air helps us unwind after the pressures at work.”

Speaking of which, how hard is it to keep the tough moments and grim stories of a patient suffering away from home and hearth? “Not easily achieved but important,” he says. “We don’t claim complete success on that score but we do have years of practice.”

So how does each spouse help the other cope when they lose a patient? “That’s a tough one,” says Nirav. “A death does affect you on a deeper level. After all, each doctor’s raison d’etre is to uphold life at all costs. Each patient is precious, so when you lose them, it cuts close to the bone,” he shares. “In such moments, when one spouse has lost a patient, the best thing the other one can do is to be quietly supportive. Let your partner know that you would be there for them if they need to talk or communicate. But essentially, give them space and empathy and understanding.”

After 17 years of marriage, what according to the couple, are its pillars?

Sujata believes that a successful marriage is essentially about the right partner. “I am in the best phase of my life, both personally and professionally, because I know that he has my back. In a doctor’s life especially, cancelled plans and crazy hours are a regular story. At the end of the day, if there’s trust, faith, respect and empathy, everything falls into place.”

Even as Nirav believes that a meaningful partnership is one that allows both spouses to progress. “It is sadly far too common, even among doctor couples, for one person’s career to flourish at the cost of the other’s. I didn’t want that to be the case with us,” he says.

“We believe in the overall development of the child, and not just academics. It’s way too early to say whether she wants to be a doctor. If she does, she already knows what it entails: endless hard work and diligence and tons of passion”

- Sujata

Some smiles are forever

Bringing up baby

Despite the pressures of their schedules, one of them makes it a point to be home for their daughter. On weekends, Nirav likes to take up Prisha’s studies and keep his diary clear. While Sujata, who is a keen artist and sportsperson herself, insists on Prisha taking part in various extracurricular activities as well. “We believe in the overall development of the child, and not just academics,” she says.

So are the couple keen for her to become a doctor? “It’s way too early to say,” says Sujata. “If she does, she already knows what it entails: endless hard work and diligence and tons of passion.”

Either way, what is a fact that little Prisha does tend to overhear the conversation between parents. “While we try not to bring cases back, there’s no doing away with the fact that this is a doctor’s home. We do tend to discuss patients, often so, since her patients tend to be mine as well. When things go wrong, you do get upset. It’s all too human and natural,” says Nirav.

The recent talk about the coronavirus crisis does have Prisha worried about her mummy’s health, but then she decided to express her concerns in a practical and useful way. “She put up information and charts on the doors, even made masks using her art and craft kit,” smiles Sujata. “So I guess she is exposed to certain aspects of life that regular kids aren’t. I just hope it makes her stronger.”

And so, even as Sujata gears up for what is undoubtedly the medical war of our times, she is assured that the learnings will be many. Amidst all this, she knows her family stands beside her.