Of separate tastes, shared interests

It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage

Married for 10 years, and courted for around two years, media professional Ajit Menon and his significant half, journalist turned PR entrepreneur, Heena Grover Menon say that at the end of the day, a marriage is about understanding. What matters, therefore, is not the immediate fulfilment of goals but a mutual appreciation of the bigger picture. This is their story and this is how they tell it

He strums the guitar, she sings. She tries her hand at yummy fare in the kitchen, he gives his expert opinion on the same. His choices tend towards the time-tested, she loves walking the off-beaten path. Either makes a plan for a trip, the other falls in line happily.

Walk some of the ways, let the other partner do the same. In short, a partnership that sustains and nurtures both. As a wise man said: a successful marriage is not the coming together of two perfect people but two imperfect ones who have created several perfect moments between themselves.

“You don’t have to like or want the same things, necessarily, as long as you understand why something is important to the other,” expresses Heena. In fact, the word understanding comes up several times in the course of the conversation, not in a manner that suggests compromise or reluctant tolerance, but in a way, that hints at a bond rooted in long years of friendship.

Sure enough, from being casual batch mates in the BA (Hons) Journalism Degree programme at East Delhi’s Maharaja Agrasen College to dating other people to gradually developing a close enough bond that would eventually culminate in marriage, this relationship has traversed several miles. The shift from their hometown Delhi to Pune is, once again, part of a larger, many splendored journeys.

While Ajit is currently the Managing Editor for the online portal Cardekho.com, Heena, along with a partner has set up her own PR cum content firm Karma PR & Content. It is a hectic but happy time even as the couple come into their own not just professionally but also as an ‘old, married couple’ to name an oft-cited goal.

“We were meeting after quite a long time, and man, had she changed. She was poised, confident and vibrant. The casual date was a hit”

- Ajit

Back to the beginning

He was dating her best friend way back in the early 2000s. Observing from a distance, Heena would wonder how on earth they would get on in the long run considering how different both Ajit and her BFF were.

Not that there was anything deeper on the mind. They were both part of a friend circle and spoke casually off and on.

It was only after a year into her first job with the Times of India, Delhi that they started hanging out seriously.

“It so happened that I was going through my contacts diary, calling up buddies that I lost touch with. Heena’s number popped up so I gave her a buzz. She was game for meeting up at a nightclub. Given her profile as a media woman, she mentioned that she could get us both passes to a nice place. I agreed. And that was the turning point,” reminisces Ajit.

While he expected a fun evening ahead, what he didn’t anticipate was that “A-ha” moment when one begins to see an old friend in a new light. “We were meeting after quite a long time, and man, had she changed. She was poised, confident and vibrant. The casual date was a hit,” he shares.

It made sense to meet up more often, especially since neither was seeing anyone else at the point. Neither did it take much prodding for either to realise that a greater commitment was in the offing.

However, the parents were none too pleased given the difference in their cultural backgrounds. (He’s a Malayali while she has a Bengali mother and Punjabi dad.) Both families wondered (not unreasonably) how life together would pan out. “It took a few months of long discussions but we did manage to convince them. Eventually, they both gave us their blessings,” says Ajit.

What followed was an elaborate wedding in 2009 that incorporated the assorted cultural influences of their childhood. “We had a traditional Malayali wedding in a temple, followed by a typical Punjabi choora ceremony, DJ and dancing, even as both Ajit and I wore Bengali garb for the ceremony that was a tribute to my mother’s roots,” says Heena.

“Though I enjoyed my work, I felt I wanted to explore something elsethough what exactly, I wasn’t sure. I was feeling restless and believed that I should be doing something of my own”

- Heena

The mantras of marriage

• Respect
• Understanding each other’s personalities, dreams, hopes, fears and aspirations
• Celebrating cultural differences
• Not letting fights fester
• Appreciating your spouse for the individual that he/she happens to be

The building blocks of a marriage

Around two years post their nuptials, the couple underwent a short phase of long-distance living due to their work, but typically, the separation taught them the importance of valuing time together. In 2012, the duo shifted to Pune for career purposes. Both pursued work as journalists, but slowly, Heena began to crave a change. “Though I enjoyed my work, I felt I wanted to explore something else-though what exactly, I wasn’t sure. I was feeling restless and believed that I ought to be doing something of my own,” she says. As luck would have it, soon after she put in her papers, her friend, Suraj Singh Jhala, who was a well-known PR professional, asked her to start their own company as a partner. Thus was born an entrepreneur. “I gave it a serious thought, and with Ajit’s support, decided to take up the opportunity. It was a sea change from what I had done, but I learnt on the job, absorbed various experiences and grew,” she says. “Through all the ups and downs, Ajit was a rock. Supportive, encouraging and totally co-operative. The early days were tough, but the contacts I had made during my journalistic phase stood me in good stead and saw me through.”

What separates Karma from the others is their approach to content and ability to look at Public Relations from a new-age contemporary perspective, she says, even as she hopes to expand operations soon.

Given that the duo come from separate cultural backgrounds, would they say their parents’ fears about adjustment were true? “Yes and no,” says Ajit. “There are differences in every marriage. It’s up to you to overcome. Whatever you do, you must go all out to accommodate your spouse’s parents. Don’t ever let them feel that they aren’t important. Pay attention to the details and observe certain rituals the way they do. It will go a long way in forging close bonds,” he says

On her part, Heena believes that a balance between relationships is key. “To that end, Ajit has never taken sides when little differences arise in the family. Instead, he steps back and allows the parties concerned to talk things out and iron out the creases. I appreciate his maturity,” she says.

Amidst all this, she says, marriage and adulting are about recognising and respecting the changes brought in by each phase of life. “I was an only child. Life was different when I was living with my parents. But when one is married, one has certain duties to fulfill. It takes time, but you learn and accept,” she says.

As in the case of every relationship, conflicts happen, but the trick, they say is not to let things fester. “Don’t carry fights to the next day. It ruins precious moments that both lose out on,” says Ajit. Heena adds that she has learnt from his approach and become more patient over time. “Though saying sorry isn’t quite my way, I make up by cracking a joke, playing a romantic song, or cooking him something special. That’s it. Peace is restored and we can move on,” she grins.

Quality time consists of taking trips together, having impromptu jamming sessions, cooking up a storm every now and then and long conversations.

Bringing up baby (not quite yet)

Though the couple loves kids, they are as yet undecided as to whether or not they want their own. “It’s a completely nebulous question for the moment,” says Ajit. “We are both enjoying our work thoroughly. So, if and when we do decide a family is for us, we will do so only when we are ready for it,” he rounds off.