"Just as with dogs, children follow the pack leader. If the pack leader is doing things right, the child will follow. If I want my son, Vir, to do something, I can’t order him around; I have to do it myself. Whatever I read, I try to impart it to him. I feel the only way to bring up your child is to be the pack leader"
Senior Indian Airlines Pilot, Manjeet Hirani, one of the pioneering commercial pilots to have steered into this field in the 1980s, is also the spouse of clelebrated film producer and director, Rajkumar Hirani of Munna Bhai and 3 Idiots fame. In a candid interview with Corporate Citizen, she talks about her career, her marriage andher recently-released book, 'How to be Human: Life's lessons from Buddy Hirani' dedicated to her pet dog, Buddy Hirani
I joined Indian Airlines in 1986 as an air hostess, but within six months, I realised that it wasn’t my cup of tea. I wanted a change but I couldn’t figure out what. I loved the aviation world and wanted to pursue something in it. I used to watch the then popular television serial, Udaan. It showed how a lady IPS officer struggled in a man’s world. I felt that there should be a challenge in life. Life should not be too simple. I wanted to face struggle. Believe me, it was an overnight decision that I wanted to be a pilot. I took a sabbatical from my job and went to USA and did a six months’ flying course.
Being a pilot was not my childhood passion, I didn’t know then that girls could fly. My childhood passion was to marry a pilot. My father was in the Army so I used to see Air Force guys around. Instead of getting married to a pilot, I myself became one. After coming back from the USA, I was fortunate that I saw an advertisement of Indian Airlines for pilots. I got selected.
I was single.
24 years, since I began flying.
In 1993, when I was the First Officer at Indian Airlines, my brother asked me whether I had a boyfriend. I said, I didn’t… Then he asked me whether we should start looking for guys? I said okay. That’s how Rajkumar’s proposal came. At that point of time he was an editor and had just started direction in advertising. We met at his house in a proper arranged marriage format.
I had a few concerns about the kind of guy that I wanted to marry. I wanted someone who would understand my profession which has erratic hours. Most importantly, I wanted to marry a guy who would allow me to work. At that time there were very few lady pilots, so a woman taking up a career in it would not have gone down favourably with most families, I guessed. When I met Raju, he asked me a question—“Do you want to ask me something?” I said, “no, I want to tell you something”. I candidly told him about my job profile, of the many late nights and sometimes overnight. In fact, even before he had asked me this question, I had point blank told his father that I would leave his son but not my job. I asked Raju, is this okay? He promptly said, okay; like it was not a big deal. Then I too promptly replied, “I will marry you.’’ It took me just five minutes to make that decision.
As, I said, when I got married in 1994, he was into advertising. He did tell me that it was his dream to make a film. I thought he was not serious. But he had narrated the script of Munna Bhai M.B.B.S. to me. He had conceived that idea since his Film Institute days but he never got time to pursue it. So we mutually decided that he would take a break from his work and I would take care of the house. He took a break and he wrote the script of Munna Bhai M.B.B.S. At that time, my son, Vir, was just born. So after he went to sleep, we used to sit in the balcony and he used to narrate me the script. So, I played my small part in the creation of the script, that is, listening to it. He is so passionate about his work that he will write and rewrite until he gets it right. His work is his magnificent obsession and that’s what I admire about him.
"I candidly told him about my job profile, of the many late nights and stay out of home, sometimes overnight. I asked Raju, is this okay? He promptly said, okay; like it was not a big deal. Then I promptly replied, “I will marry you”. It took me just five minutes to make that decision"
A marriage works if there is good intention. Intention does not mean that we don’t have problems or we don’t get annoyed with each other. He is a good guy but hardly has time for us. But I know that if I need him or I am in trouble or sick, he will come to me, leaving his work, so that faith is there. People make mistakes in a relationship, whether the couple belongs to the older or younger generation. They tend to revolve their entire life around their spouse. This gives them enough reason to sulk if they are not given attention, as we tend to completely depend on the spouse. Instead, the sooner we understand that we have a life of our own, the better. If he is there, good for you, if he is not there, you still have to be happy. And you have to make your own life by standing on your own two feet. Being possessive can irritate the person and create stress in a relationship, which I see is very common.
I would say, it’s all thanks to Indian Airlines, because I fly the domestic routes. I used to do small flights and was back home within three to four hours. Indian Airlines also does cooperate a lot, particularly when it comes to lady pilots. I would say that I have more time on hand, compared to a lady working in a multinational company or a bank. Of course, odd timings do take a toll on you. And I also understood as a parent that, just as with dogs, children follow the pack leader. If the pack leader is doing things right, the child will follow. If I want my son, Vir, to do something, I can’t order him around; I have to do it myself. Whatever I read, I try to impart it to him. I feel the only way to bring up your child is to be the pack leader.
Happy Threesome! Manjeet, Vir and Rajkumar HiraniHe is more sensitive and more emotional than me, that is the difference. I am more bindaas. I give full credit to Raju for having cooperated and supported me a lot. When Vir was small, I used to have night stops too, so Raju used to work from home at that time. Once, I was out somewhere on a flight and Vir had Mathematics examination and Raju was very busy, shooting for 3 Idiots. Vir called him in the middle of the shoot. Yet Raju explained the problem to him with great patience, over the phone. So, with Raju, he is busy, but his presence is always there for us.
One thing I know, Vir doesn’t want to fly. Even when he was a baby, I took him on flights, showed him the cockpit, but he was never fascinated. He is now doing a course in Whistling Woods; he has made short films too.
I always tell myself to be a constant seeker. My ambition of becoming an air hostess got realised. Then I wanted to be a pilot. After that, I raised my son. I have carried out my responsibilities and now he is on his own. I have started reading and writing. It is an ongoing process. Besides the blog, now I have written this book. I also explore life through travelling, for life is beautiful and has so much to offer. I travel with my group of girlfriends as Raju is too busy and I have stopped depending on him.
The story began with the movie PK where he was shown as a puppy. I was petrified of dogs and I never wanted one in my house. Vir was small and he always wanted a dog, but at that time we were living in a flat which was small. We shifted to this new house, but still I did not fancy having a dog as a pet. At the end of the film shoot, the dog was to be returned to the original owner, but Raju put him in a small tokri, decorated it with small cushions and gave it to Vir as a gift. A note by Raju to Vir read: ‘A dog is a man’s best friend. Have fun with him. He is yours.’ I suddenly lost fear and it was a euphoric moment for me.
I started blogging about Buddy as I was fascinated by his way of life. I then realised that we, human beings, don’t live natural lives. God has created us, but the rules are man-made, so we live by social conditioning. Hence, I have compared a dog’s life to human life, making the book philosophical and thought-provoking.
As I have stated in the book, ‘I want to thank Buddy, who made me a writer and philosopher and taught me love and tolerance towards other creatures on this planet. Human beings are very complicated and complex creatures. We are overpowered by societal dogmas, religion, rituals, our parents and peers. We don’t live life the way it is meant to be. There are too many dos and don’ts that bog us down. Most of the time we are pretentious and trying to please others. We show ourselves to be what we are not. Every chapter in this book is based on Buddy’s life and the inspiration we can draw from it. He is a living master in the house.’
I finished it in about two months. After my contract with Penguin Random House, the entire process took 18 months.
Yes, one major change. There’s one quality of Buddy that I enjoy, and I want to imbibe that quality. I think I have come close to it. At times when people come home, they are scared of Buddy so we have to send him to another room. He resists being taken out of the room so we tempt him with food and force him to go. He sulks. When the guests leave, we call back Buddy and he comes with the same positive energy as if nothing happened that had made him sad. In contrast, with us, human beings, if someone snaps at somebody, the next time they meet, they will show attitude. You should forget any sour feelings you may have had, when you meet that person the next time, like Buddy. Become egoless. I always remember this quality of Buddy and have succeeded in following it to a large extent.
Excerpts from Manjeet Hirani’s book ‘How To Be Human: Life’s Lessons by Buddy Hirani’
One of Buddy’s greatest qualities is the ability to love unconditionally. He has so much boundless affection to offer that I feel ashamed at times about not being able to return enough love. Irrespective of how we treat him—nothing more than mock anger— Buddy only knows the language of love. The best thing about him is the way he greets us, with full gusto and excitement. Sometimes, I wish my son would take lessons from him.
Humans are happiest when things go their way. When they do not, we get upset and behave as if it is the end of the world. This is when we need to be sensible and understand that things do not work according to us. In fact, they almost never will. Things either happen or don’t happen for a reason. There is a higher purpose behind everything. We must give it our 100 per cent, put in all efforts and then leave it to God. Whatever the result may be, we should learn to accept it.
I have also observed that if he has overeaten or his stomach doesn’t feel right, he eats some grass from the garden and vomits after a while. This way, he cleanses his system and detoxifies it. He is also very health conscious. It may seem amusing but yoga comes naturally to him. For instance, when he gets up after sitting for a long time, he first stretches, lengthens his haunches and then slowly gets up in a perfect yoga pose. I am surprised that Patanjali isn’t knocking at our doors to sign him as a brand ambassador!
Takings tips from Buddy, we must live intelligently. We must eat when hungry and avoid food when not hungry. Detoxify yourself when your system is not all right: that’s intelligence. We need to assess the situation before jumping into it. We need to be careful. Most importantly, we must be able to control our emotions. We must try and be joyous, enthusiastic and live in the moment like Buddy.
I have never seen Buddy worry about the future or show any concern for the position of the stars. He obviously doesn’t wear any rings for protection against the ill effects of the alignment of planets. He doesn’t even have a horoscope. I, on the other hand, have gone through this rigmarole of astrology and seen others too who are deeply involved. Some people are so obsessed that they don’t even wear perfume, fearing the scent would adversely influence planetary positions. We see celebrities around us changing their names and spellings, yet their luck does not seem to change. Some people are obsessed with the letter ‘K’. Thank God, Buddy doesn’t insist on it. I can’t imagine calling him Kuddy.
In 2014, when PK was released, we were all preoccupied with the promotions and other activities. In the meantime, Buddy was completely ignored. There was no time to sit and play with him. After a few days, we noticed that he had become very quiet and seemed to have no energy. We thought he wasn’t well and called up his vet. But then we realized that perhaps he was depressed. He was lonely and needed attention. He had been overlooked and was very unhappy about it. It is ironic how the reel influenced the real in this case.
It was then that we decided to shower him with attention and time and were constantly around him. Three to four days later, he was back to normal. It was such a relief to see him jump around once again with the same energy.
Just like Buddy, humans too don’t like being ignored. We sulk, get angry, feel isolated and become depressed. Prolonged isolation can lead to clinical problems. Depression is a disease that must be taken seriously. With nuclear families becoming the norm, there is no time to socialize as people are busy with work and their lives. As parents grow older, they are left alone once their children move abroad. Most often, there is no one to look after them. This is increasingly becoming a serious problem.
"Takings tips from Buddy, we must live intelligently. We must eat when hungry and avoid food when not hungry. Detoxify yourself when your system is not all right: that’s intelligence
— Manjeet Hirani"
We blame everything on karma. Commuting to work and back, I had to encounter bad roads and one day, I almost fell into a pothole and suffered severe back pain. I was in such severe pain that I could not fly for sometime. I still remember that on my wedding day, I was in pain throughout. Now, if someone falls into a pothole and dies, you will blame it on his/ her karma. What about the fact that the authorities concerned have not repaired the pothole? My karma may be bad, but what about you not having done your job which is your dharma? We just pass it on as destiny. Poor people are unable to defend themselves against poor governance, so we who are educated should stretch our hands for them.
When i got married, I was a pilot, when Raju became Raju, the well-known filmmaker, I was a pilot and till date, I am a pilot. My world is my world. Whenever I go to a Bollywood party, I sometimes feel out of the place, as I don’t have many friends there. However, there is a feel-good factor too. Since I am a working woman, I spend as per what I earn, and not because I an Raju's wife.
"One of Buddy’s greatest qualities is the ability to love unconditionally. He has so much boundless affection to offer that I feel ashamed at times about not being able to return enough love"
An article in www.bridalbox.com states that, “Rajkumar Hirani is often considered as that one exception from the show business, who has compartmentalised his professional and personal life quite well. He and Manjeet have always stood by each other’s side through the ups and downs, keeping their professional careers intact. Manjeet Hirani continues to work as an Air India pilot till date, and is often seen accompanying Rajkumar Hirani at the premières and screenings of his film. Their son Vir is also taking the same path as his father took and has already made two short films. In an interview, Manjeet Hirani joked that she is the odd one out in the family since she is a pilot. She also joked that she can never get into a gown like other popular wives of the filmland.’’
In an interview in Moneylife, with Sucheta Dalal and Debashis Basu, Rajkumar Hirani, states what inspired him further to write the ‘Munnabhai M.B.B.S’ script. States Hirani, “...my reasons for writing that script were different during the two periods I worked on it. The first time, it was because I had seen that life and had a lot of funny incidents about three boys and a medical college. ...But, by the time I began to write the script a second time, I had a lot of experiences with doctors and I was very angry with them. For instance, my wife was unwell once—she used to hear sounds and they couldn’t figure out what the problem was. They sent her to an ENT specialist, then a neurologist and then someone else; I was battling big time with it.
“I remember meeting a neurologist at Hinduja Hospital. We go to meet him and I offer to explain her problem because she can’t talk. But he insists that she should explain it herself. Then his phone rings and, for the next 15 minutes, he is chatting with a film producer about attending a premier. When he puts the phone down he has forgotten the conversation and says there is nothing wrong with her and she should see an ENT doctor. I tell him that she has already seen two ENTs who said there is nothing wrong… the reports were in front of him and I requested him to look at them. So he simply asks us to do an MRI. I now know this whole game; but we still did it and went back to him.
“Once again, his phone rings while he is talking to us and he is once again talking to someone in the film industry. This time I lost it. I am not an aggressive guy, but I picked his phone and banged it down on the table and said: “Can you please look at her and talk later”? He then finally examined her and said that there is nothing wrong with her. So I said, “Can you then help me please find a solution?” He was then very calm with me but had no solution. I used the guy’s name in 3 Idiots. There was this ragging scene where all these guys in their briefs walk up and introduce themselves—I used the names of all the guys I hate in that scene.’’ (It turned out to be a thyroid problem.) In Munna Bhai M.B.B.S, Hirani wanted to make the point that “the doctors should be more compassionate. There was also anger that they were running a business of asking for repeated tests, referrals and commissions from pharma companies. So my first scene in the draft was about this underworld don who gets a headache and is asked to do some tests. When the results come, he is asked to go to a neurologist, then to an ophthalmologist and there are more tests. He, finally, gets cured by a simple home remedy and realises that this is a great profession to be in... So he decides to join a medical college. That was my original draft, but it changed after I bounced it off a lot of my friends and some of them felt it was too off-beat, and needed a heroine, etc.’’
by vinita deshmukh
