It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into a wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage
They cut short their stay in Silicon Valley, USA, the ultimate techie dream, for the warmth of home, family and togetherness—which happened to be Pune. Several years hence, neither Nilambari Shirodkar (senior engineering manager, system verification, IBM) nor her significant half Amit Shirodkar (senior principal engineer, Western Digital), have any regrets. That, they say, is the legacy and beauty of clear-cut priorities. Eight-year-old Ananya completes their circle of joy
This love story wasn’t scripted in college but on the competitive yet friendly campus of Frontier Computers Pvt. Ltd. It was the year 2000—an exciting and promising turn-of-the-century moment with great tidings for careers in software, computers and technology.
Freshers both, Nilambari Masurkar and Amit Shirodkar shared not just the initial days of adjustment, but also hung out together. Little by little, they got to know each other. He loved her honesty, her utter lack of pretence. As for her, she was intrigued by the fact that despite being this gold medallist from MIT college, Pune, he wore his scholarship lightly. “There were no airs about him; he was easy to talk to, did not show off at all,” reminisces Nilambari. “Sure, we are different personalities altogether, but there is a core area that is common. Honesty, integrity, transparency and family are important to us,” shares Amit.
The differences were likeable too. He is a man of few words, reserved and analytical. She is fun-loving, social, the life of the party.
His family wasn’t too pleased, despite the common Marathi roots. She was from Baroda, they from Pune. The families didn’t know each other; besides they felt, they were just too young to take such a big step. “However, he was very positive and very sure about our relationship and pushed for it,” she says. Nevertheless, both were young, studious and ambitious. “There was a lot to be done; GRE, TOEFL, the works. So we gave those exams together.”
They both found jobs in the Bay Area of California, Silicon valley, to be precise.
At 24, when most people still have to figure out what they’d like to do, the Shirodkars were married and settled in Silicon Valley with all the highs that their new life had to offer—and just each other to share the lows. “Those early days of marriage were a godsend, because there we were, only the two of us, in a foreign country, doing the best we could, with each other’s help,” says Nilambari. Both discovered not just their inner reservoirs of strength, but also each other in the process.
The commuting time was immense, the rents were high and so were the pressures at work. Besides, in the US, you’ve got to do the housework yourself.
“There were no maids or protective elders telling us what to do. This was especially difficult when most of our peers were enjoying the carefree single life,” she says.
Growing up was hard to do—but it sure brought them closer.
“I would cook. He would help with the laundry, dishes and grocery shopping. It was a hectic life, but it taught us a lot,” they say.
Around this time, 9/11 happened and several techies, including Amit, lost their jobs in the aftermath of the horror. “I worked long hours, while he was home. But he was hugely positive and broad-minded about it, and did not complain much,” says Nilambari. He did find a new job in a couple of months though. But like every low, this too, brought important learnings in its wake.
Three and a half years later, in spite of all the glamour and colour of a life in the US, including their favorite part, travelling long distances by car exploring the country—the couple decided that it was India calling for them.
“His parents were ageing, similarly my brother was shifting abroad. We carefully weighed the pros and cons and decided we would rather be home, close to friends and family. It was not a tough call to make, because we were both clear as to what was important to both of us,” they say.
Sure, corporate careers are demanding and stressful, but if you know what your end goal is, decision making is easy. “For us, family bonds matter over all else,” says Nilambari.
There were no maids or protective elders telling us what to do. This was especially difficult when most of our peers were enjoying the carefree single life
— Nilambari Shirodkar
As of today, the couple (now 42) lives in Baner, Pune with their eight-year-old daughter Ananya. Life is busy with both of them working nevertheless, they are firm about balancing work and family. Quality time consists of watching movies together, outings with the extended family that gives Ananya the chance to meet her cousins and travelling to different, exotic places, during vacations.
Both agree that it’s the little things in life that are actually matter. “Anything that you do together with complete dedication, being sure to be present in the moment, qualifies as quality time,” says Amit. “It could be something as small as frying fish together, with Ananya and me helping out,” he says.
Conflict management is an important zone in any relationship, smiles Nilambari, “We conflict over managing conflict. I like to talk things out there and then, but he avoids confrontation of any kind,” she says.
On a serious note, Amit says the trick of ensuring fights don’t get out of hand is for one person to step back at just the right time. “Whatever you do, don’t go to bed angry or carry fights forward to the next day,” he say.
Having Ananya definitely changed the tempo of their lives and ensured they worked things around her.
“Our day begins with us sitting at the breakfast table with Ananya. We are able to talk to her; it’s important to know all that is happening in her little world, be it at school or with her friends. By the time she is home from school, I am back too, and am able to give her the time she needs,” says Nilambari.
Both parents bring different things to the table; she is firm about her nutrition, while he wants her to take her hobbies more seriously. “Nowadays he is the more worrying parent, whereas I am the calmer one,” she says.
At the end of the day, both simply want her to do her best, and grow into a respectful, well-balanced person who is able to gellwell with others around her.
Both have simple advice to offer young corporate couples. “Giving each other the space to grow, and being broad-minded enough to accept the other person’s ambitions and dreams definitely helps,” says Nilambari. “Talk to each other, communicate. Most problems have a solution.”
Amit believes that a marriage, like any other successful relationship, is all about one another’s strengths. “For example, Nilambari is a multi-tasker and very organised. This works very well for us an unit. Similarly, if your spouse is good at one area of your lives, by all means, don’t begrudge them that. Look beyond stereotypical gender roles to see what works for you. If she is great at investments, by all means, let her look after the finances. Besides, there is no rule that says that men can’t help out at home,” smiles Amit. “At the end of the day, teamwork rules.”
By Kalyani Sardesai
