They were first just friends, then boyfriend-girlfriend, then husband-wife. Each stage, they say, has been vital to understanding each other better. Here’s talking to the effervescent Manjari Rai (a former travel executive) and her soft-spoken spouse Anand Rai on the various milestones in their journey, and how being able to talk to each other, is the finest gift any human being can receive from their partner. Based in Kolkata, the couple’s happy circuit is completed by their 13-year-old son Aniruddh
It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into a wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage
At the end of a long and tiring day, when things have not quite gone your way (or even if they have, and you are dying to share the details!), perhaps the nicest and most reassuring thing in the world is to be able to turn to your life partner and tell them all about it.
Normal? Yes.
Mundane? Perhaps!
Desirable? Most definitely!
Easy to attain? Ah, therein lies both the twist and the oxymoron. An effortless relationship takes time and effort and consistency. After all, comfort zones are not created overnight. And this is just where the Rais have an interesting tale to tell.
This story was first scripted on the grounds of Kolkata’s famous St. Xavier’s College. Manjari was a student of political science, and Anand, a year older, was pursuing economics.
It was far from love at first sight. Instead, they got thrown together quite a bit for the various socially relevant camps they organised for the student outfit NSS, of which they were both a part. Between blood donation camps and assorted drives, the duo slowly got to discover each other. “He’s a Gurkha from Darjeeling, but with a Bengali mom. As a Bengali myself, it was nice to find that we had some roots in common,” reminisces Manjari. As people, they couldn’t have been more different: he’s a man with lots of patience and very few words; she, on the other hand, is spontaneous, fun-loving, extrovert and social. Yet, the conversation between the two of them flowed easily and well. “We found that we quite liked each other. Nevertheless, we were just pals,” she says. While she liked his patience and sincerity, Anand says it was her openness that he loved. “She speaks her mind very clearly, sans pretence of any kind. I really liked that about her,” he says.
Anand and Manjari Rai are great believers in the power of friendship and communicationAs it panned out, it was a tragedy that brought them closer when 19-year-old Manjari lost her mother, most unexpectedly, to a stroke. “It was an incident that changed my life forever— as well as that of my family. As the elder daughter of the family, the organising and upkeep of the family fell upon my shoulders. Our father was shattered—and looked to me to help out. At this very difficult moment, it was Anand who stood beside me like a rock, and that’s when I knew we were meant to be together,” she says.
It wasn’t difficult for Anand to find acceptance from her family either. “He’s well-spoken, respectful and very courteous to elders; naturally my father took to him,” she says.
As for Anand, his Darjeeling- based professor parents, had no objection to the match either. “They are educated and broad-minded and accepting of people and choices. They simply wanted us to be happy,” he says.
Still, the couple had to endure a period of separation when Anand went to Hyderabad to pursue his MBA finance. “I must say that was the hardest time of all, trying to work things out, long distance. However, that was only a phase and as soon as he found a job, we were married.”
The simple ceremony took place in 2001 after which the couple moved to Mumbai.
Anand and Manjari with their son AniruddhUnlike couples who start off with practically everything these days, the Rais had to start from scratch. “We had moved into a semi-furnished, rented home and had to literally purchase everything from scratch,” narrates Manjari. What’s more, they were a nuclear family who had to manage everything— from their time and resources by themselves as Anand’s parents were busy with their lives and careers in Darjeeling. Those early days taught them a lot, particularly about respect, communication and compromise. “When you have that, everything falls into place,” says Anand. “When you communicate openly and frankly with each other, the friendship and understanding grows. Most problems can easily be talked out and a compromise can be worked out. Also, being patient and giving the other person’s issues an ear will go a long way in cementing your friendship.”
When the couple’s little boy Aniruddh was born in 2004, it pretty much doubled their happiness—and their responsibility. A former travel executive, Manjari was, nevertheless, happy to take a back seat for their boy. “We were by ourselves and I wanted to be there for him. A husband and wife are both a team, and both need to put the family unit, ahead of themselves, then things work out well,” she smiles. “Compromise is a good thing.”
Conflict management is something that can either make or break a relationship. Like every couple, the Rais have their own little ways too. “As I said before, we have been together for quite long, and endured several ups and downs together. I would say our worst fights happened in our college days, but even so, we have our little differences. I am the more short-tempered one, but I calm down easily. On the other hand, though he takes pretty long to get angry, when he does get upset, it’s quite a storm...” expresses Manjari.
“Reacting spontaneously during an argument is rarely a good thing,” points out Anand.
“Walk away from the fight, let things slide for the moment, and only when you both are calmer, should you broach the subject again.”
Anand is also a huge advocate of giving each other the space and wherewithal to grow. Currently designated as Director, (International Corporate), Standard Chartered, he is only too aware of the rigors faced by young corporate couples today.
“We were by ourselves and I wanted to be there for him. A husband and wife are both a team, and both need to put the family unit, ahead of themselves, then things work out well”
—Manjari Rai
All smiles on their wedding dayAs is the case with every couple, parenting is a big arena of teamwork. Fortunately, both Manjari and Anand have a balanced approach to it. “We are more focused on his overall development rather than simply academics. Grades are important yes, but so is participation in sports and extracurricular activities,” says Manjari. “At 13, our son is both active and naughty, so we both talk to him quite a bit. Though I scold him more often, it is his dad he is worried about upsetting too much,” she laughs. “ We are both careful not to push him in an area simply because we used to be great at it in school. It is important that he enjoys what he is doing.”
Though life is pretty hectic and demanding these days, quality time for the young family means exploring different places together. “We are ardent travellers, and every once in a way, we zero in on a different country to visit. The journey of planning and chalking out the details is as much fun as the trip itself,” they say. Not the luxury hotels kind, the Rais love backpacking and trekking as much as they possibly can.
By Kalyani Sardesai
