It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage
Corporate professional Devashish Bhatt (36) and his better half Navjyoti Dalal (31), freelance media and corporate writer, are a testimony to the power of acceptance, and dollops of honesty in taking a relationship forward. Married for over eight years, they are completed by their four-yearold son Samarveer, and soon-to-be -born second child. This is their journey, and this is how they tell it
Sometime in 2004, as a college student Navjyoti Dalal was scrolling through her MSN Buddyzone, a predecessor of what we recognise as social media platforms today, she was struck by a most unusual profile picture. "There was this 20-something guy with big Afro hair. For a Jat girl living in a suburb of New Delhi, someone with this look was unforeseen. Intrigued, I messaged him."
He was Devashish Bhatt, a post-graduate in Computer Science and young corporate professional. "He wrote back, and I was both impressed and surprised at the sheer polish of his replies. For someone with Haryanvi roots fluent English is a very aspirational thing, and someone who spoke well was a rare find," she recounts. A complete departure from Delhi's rough talk and in-your-face attitude, Dev (as she calls him) was gentle, non-judgemental, accepting. "Here was someone not only very intelligent but also shared my love for poetry," she says.
Over time, they became good friends and also enjoyed a wonderful give and take of writings. "She was this perfect dreamer with a lot of poetry in her. Plus, she was brutally, refreshingly honest—to a fault, and very pretty to boot. It was unreal as far as I was concerned," narrates Dev.
Still, it was a no-go as far as romance was concerned because Navjyoti was already seeing someone. Besides, they lived in two different cities: Mumbai and Delhi. "When we finally met, he told me straight up that he liked me," she says. For her part, although she told him that they could only be friends; two events would pan out simultaneously. "I was getting increasingly unhappy with the relationship I was in. It never made me feel adequate or good about myself. Most of my memories of that time are of me crying, or trying to please him on various fronts— he liked straight hair, so most of my dates with him were preceded by a blow-dry session at the hairstylist's; or dressing up in labels like Nike, Puma or Adidas when I was a handloom girl to the core; or trying to make sense of the lyrics of his favourite rap songs, I, on the other hand, am a Gulzar devout. What suffered wasn't just my emotional well-being, but also my individuality and self-esteem". Dev, on the contrary, kept her spirits afloat, "He loved everything about me —from my love for Bagh and Dabu prints, or Maheshwari and Ikat weaves to theatre, and kolhapuris. A lover of rock and metal, he even took to reading Gulzar, and fell in love with the poet. Everything he did made me feel special".
As the stress of an unyielding relationship grew, Dev suggested Navjyoti take a break and clear her mind in a different city. "Come to Mumbai for just two days, he persisted. I accepted, did a little falsifying of information to my parents and told them I needed to be in Mumbai for work. He put me up with his sister and brotherin- law. Together, we would explore the city," says Navjyoti who had a revelation of sorts on the trip.
For a girl brought up in a traditional North Indian family, these new people in new surroundings was a new experience. "His sister and brother- in-law shared a very equal and comfortable relationship. For his part, Dev was the perfect gentleman, courteous, non-demanding and very considerate. It was not just the sea that I saw for the very first time, but also a whole new perspective on how relationships could be," shares Navjyoti.
She broke up with her former boyfriend and gradually became closer to Dev. "Another milestone was when I flew to Mumbai once again, to see him off to the Netherlands where he was taking up a new job," she says. "This was when I met his mom. We hit it off instantly, thanks to a shared love for gardening. I felt I would be safe and comfortable with his family."
One thing led to another. He would fly down on vacation to spend all his free time with her, and her mother got to know. "When she told my lawyer father, I was worried about his reaction, especially since Dev is half-Bihari and half Maharashtrian. To my surprise, the meeting went off very well, and dad gave us his blessings. I suspect that's because he was well-spoken and qualified, while most men from my community are barely graduate," she jokes.
The duo was wed in April 2009. Today, they live in Pune, where Dev is an Information Architect with SAP, and Navjyoti, a freelance media -cum-corporate writer, and are parents to fouryear- old Samarveer.
One would have expected a lot of adjustments, given the difference in cultural backgrounds, but that has not really been the case. "For starters, I am from a civil services background, and intercultural marriages have been common in our family since my grandfathers' (maternal and paternal) generation," says Dev. "It is a wonderful thing. So much so, that I wonder why anyone would marry someone from the same caste," he laughs.
On her part, Navjyoti got on very well with his family, even though their structured, disciplined lifestyle was a bit of a shock. It isn't always a smooth sailing but an accepting and open attitude can make all the difference. "Accepting your partner for what they are, makes things far simpler. There's another key to a healthy relationship— trust. And by that I don't mean trusting a person's fidelity, but their judgment on little things, like how to pack for a trip, how many litres of milk would be enough per day, or even the fan speed. People are more open to suggestions from friends or family, but tend to mistrust their spouse when they do the same," she shares.
As far as Dev is concerned, he appreciates her honesty and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. "Honesty not only defines a person, but also the relationships and people they attract. Navjyoti's upfront nature and loving ways have brought in a lot of positivity into our lives."
"There’s another key to a healthy relationship—trust. And by that I don’t mean trusting a person’s fidelity, but their judgment on little things"
—Navjyoti Dalal
Parenting is an important arena of teamwork for a young couple, especially one with a fouryear- old son, and another baby on the way. "We are on the same page on parenting philosophy, but we alternate between playing good cop and bad cop," smiles Dev. "A few things we are very particular on: respect and consideration for everyone around, especially elders, and compassion for the planet. There's no compromising on that."
Both agree that conflict management is key to keeping the conversation going when disagreements come up. "Over time, you tend to evolve a mechanism-cum-middle ground that works. It's important to recognise that each one deals with the aftermath of a fight differently. While Navjyoti likes to talk things out immediately, I need to be alone for some time. Initially, she found this difficult to accept, but has gradually come to understand it."
At the end of the day, though, "Space, in a relationship, is extremely important. By space I mean the bandwidth to be able to grow and develop as an individual and within the relationship," rounds off Dev.
By Kalyani Sardesai
