It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into a wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage
Married for nearly 25 years, Dinesh K Pillai, CEO, Mahindra Special Services Group, Mumbai and his better half Rupal represent the time-honoured values of commitment and faith in the institution of marriage despite the challenges of a corporate career. Two sons, Vikram (22) and Rahul (19), complete the picture
This love story is interesting and unusual for several reasons: the ease with which it worked through cultural differences (he's a Nair from Kerala, and she, a Jain) and parental apprehensions about how would they ever adjust and they staying firm on their decision to marry. What made their case even more solid, despite their lack of years, was the unusually wise decision to sort out their finances and first invest in a house, before saying 'I do'.
"Our parents saw how sincere and committed we were and eventually gave us their blessings," says Rupal.
Both Dinesh Pillai and Rupal Dhruv met in the first years of their respective degrees at Mumbai's KC College. He was working towards a BSC in Physics and she, in Microbiology. She was the studious type, while he was a happy go lucky sort of a person, equally interested in life outside the classroom and all the fun and excitement that college years bring in their wake. "We would meet in the library and generally chat about this, that or the other," he reminisces. Gradually, the friendship intensified, and he asked her to marry him. Considering this proposal was made at the 'ripe old age' of 19-not to forget his popularity with girls, it did not take the practical Rupal long to turn him down.
But he was perseverant, and the duo stayed in touch even as he went to study engineering and she took up a part time job giving tuitions. Amidst all this, he did tell his parents, but they thought it was not a well-thought out decision considering how young they both were. Besides he was a non-veg and she a veg; this would cause considerable practical problems, they argued.
Soon, after completion of his engineering course, Dinesh got a job in Nelco in the Electrical and Automation Department, which was designing and implementing process automation solutions for steel mills.
While he was posted in Jamshedpur for the first assignment, the relationship continued. So, one day, in the midst of a conversation, his parents asked him if he really was completely firm, and he said, “Yes.” Though his parents agreed for the marriage, the untimely demise of Dinesh's grandfather again put the date of the marriage in question. However, by this time, Dinesh had given his word to Rupal's parents and there was no looking back. So, in May 1993, they were finally wed in a court ceremony.
“I think knowing each other well is very important before marriage. The expectations tend to be less grandiose and more realistic”
− Dinesh
Both Dinesh and Rupal are a study in contrast, yet both complement each other well. “She's practical with a lot of financial acumen and I am grateful for that aspect of her personality. What's more is that she is a courageous woman-much more so than me. She's also social and talkative, and has a quick temper. On the other hand, I am a man of few words. Also I like to keep the peace by generally backing off from arguments,” he smiles.
So were these the qualities that first attracted her to him? “No,” he laughs. “She is beautiful and at the age we met, it matters.”
“He is honest and speaks his mind clearly,” says Rupal. “Most importantly, he is committed and keeps his word. That is his finest quality.” Besides, considering that they knew each other for several years before marriage, it gave her enough time to analyse his personality. “I think knowing each other well is very important before marriage. The expectations tend to be less grandiose and more realistic,” adds Dinesh.
Post-marriage, both moved into their little flat in Borivali in Mumbai-the one they had booked well before their nuptials. As things panned out, the adjustment issues predicted by the elders never really came to be.
“To begin with, we were living by ourselves. Besides, it was an independent decision in every way. At the same time, given the pressures of living in Mumbai and managing by ourselves, we had to work as a team,” she says.
To balance work and family, she took up a job as a computer programmer in a stock broking firm, eventually giving it up when family became more demanding.
“What I appreciate enormously about her, apart from her intelligence, is her ability to multi-task, plan and manage everything so meticulously,” he says. “I am a workaholic; always have been, but she manages to keep our lives and home running on well-oiled wheels.”
Parenting is an important arena of team work for any couple, and despite the fact that Rupal is the hands-on parent given Dinesh's constant work and travel pressures, both are firm about certain values.
“Honestly, movies and dining out are peripheral things. The important thing is to just have each other’s company”
− Rupal
“We are not the sort of parents who will push the children for studies or achievement. We want them to do their bestthat's all. It's more important, we feel, for them to be well-balanced, normal people who are kind and respectful,” says Rupal. “Besides, we want them to be people who don't need material things or lots of money to be comfortable.”
Dinesh is the stricter of the two, but is glad that both the boys confide all in their mother. “It is very important to have an open channel of communication with the children,” he expresses.
Quality time for the two of them consists of simply being together. “Honestly, movies and dining out are peripheral things. The important thing is to just have each other's company,” says Rupal.
What advice would they have for younger couples these days, especially considering the rough and tumble of fast paced careers and lifestyles?
“It's a different world,” says Dinesh, carefully. “Paradigms and aspirations have both changed today and everyone is opinionated and unwilling to compromise. Also, considering how tough and demanding things are, young people tend to burnout. However, everyone has to decide for themselves what's important to them.”
“The tolerance and patience that are required to keep relationships alive and this cannot be built overnight; parents have a duty to inculcate them early on in their growing children. Also, it would be a good idea for younger people to sit back and ask themselves what exactly are their priorities and why? They want the best of everything- in a jiffy-and that's not possible,” shares Rupal. “Respect and understanding take time and patience.”
At the end of the day, both Rupal and Dinesh stress on trust and affection as the foundation of a marriage. “When you have these, everything falls into place. Over time, you will find the communication becomes easier and free flowing. There comes a time, when neither of you need words to understand what the other is saying,” rounds off Dinesh.
By Kalyani Sardesai
