It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into a wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage
Homeopath and health coach Dr Mitali Upadhye and her tax consultant husband Deepak Upadhye are bound together by a common love of mountaineering, trekking, yoga and sports like running, cycling and swimming-apart from a resilience that comes of years spent in negotiating tricky terrain, both outdoors as well as day to day challenges. This is their story and this is how they tell it
This is one narrative that starts climax first-the couple in question were on a joint trek to the Himalayas. The year was 1994 and both Mitali and Deepak were part of the Pune-based trekkers’ group Himali Trek. The destination was pretty impressive too: the Pindari and Kafni glaciers in Uttarakhand, some 14,000 sq. feet above sea level. What wasn’t all that cool though, was their meeting. “He was the team leader and pretty strict and unrelenting,” smiles Mitali.
First conversation? “He curtly told me not to sit on the rock I was sitting on. I thought to myself: How rude! Here I am trying to get a bit of rest after a hard day’s climb and he does not even have the courtesy to let me be.”
Then came the explanation: the place where she was sitting on was prone to landslides; she could be no more for a moment’s carelessness. She thanked him for his pains and that was that. “Little did I imagine we would be sharing a lifetime of a journey together,” she grins.
A few days later, they met again to exchange photos of the trek-but this time, managed to hit it off. Not only did the conversation flow easily, they had a lot in common: a love of music, poetry, trekking travelling and sports.
So despite the cultural differences: (she’s a CKP from Mumbai, who was studying in Pune, whereas he’s a Jain from Belgaum)-they knew they were onto a good thing.
Still, the differences were stark. “I came from a family that did not eat a single meal without some form of non-veg; whereas it is sacrilege to do so in their family,” says Mitali.
But the spark they shared was strong enough for the couple to consider marriage in sometime. And thereby hangs a tale.
“We knew that we would open a Pandora’s box of doubts and questions from our families once we told them about the presence of a special someone. So we decided to put off the question until I had finished my final year medical exams. But then, along came my mother with the picture and profile of an alliance she had shortlisted for me. It was a typically coveted alliance with a US based professional. I had no choice, but to spill the beans,” says Mitali.
Deepak was away on a trek-so she asked for an urgent meeting on the University of Pune grounds-where she told him about how she had told her mom about him.
His response? Silence. “He said literally nothing for 2 or 3 minutes. Those were the longest 3 minutes of my life. I thought I had blown it.”
But then, he spoke. “Did you actually speak marriage? I mean, that’s great!” (He had never thought they would make it thus far, given the difference in backgrounds.”
However, Mitali wasn’t about to let him off that easily. A formal proposal on the backdrop of the Sinhagadh fort followed. “There was fresh air, laughter, a beautifully composed poetry and roses as he proposed her on Wind Point their favourite spot. It was perfect.”
In spite of the differences in upbringing and circumstances, adjustment wasn’t an issue at all for Mitali. “He has a large and wonderful family that extended a warm and heart-felt welcome to me. Besides, he had been mature enough to book a flat for the two of us, from the very outset. This gave us both the security of a big family as well as the necessary space,” she expresses.
For his part, Deepak says he does not much care for the word ‘adjustment.’
“I would say the word is wrong. Choose instead, to understand your partner and all that he or she stands for; everything else falls into place. The journey becomes smoother and the differences seem to dissolve.”
Mitali has been a working lady from the beginning of her married life-something that did not change even with the birth of their son, Harsh (now 20). “He has always been very supportive of my career and aspirations,” she says.
Perhaps the above is best illustrated by the early challenge of handling little Harsh. “He was a colic baby and suffered from the most awful tummy aches. What’s more, this continued for quite some time. I had just set up my clinic and it was a critical time for me. Had I shut shop then, I would never have had the guts to start again. Had it not been for Deepak, I would not have been able to manage. My clinic would start by 6 pm. Deepak would be home by then to take over. He would literally push me to the door and ask me not to worry about home,” she expresses.
Similarly, when it came to household dinners that saw massive guest lists-he would help her make the chappatis. “I would roll them out and he would roast them to perfection,” she smiles.
“I firmly believe that respect for a lady should be the credo of every man. A woman is more than a person- she is a distinct shakti, a veritable force of nature, so to speak. I would advise every young man to love, respect and cherish the ladies in their life,” says Deepak.
Married for over 21 years, the duo has undoubtedly balanced home and work with considerably dexterity. No easy task this, given that both run their own set-ups. While she has her own clinic and is a certified Homoeopath Healing Therapist and Health Coach, Deepak is a tax consultant with his own office. “When you are self-employed, both the pros and cons are many. There are no fixed working hours, On the plus side, you can go grocery shopping anytime you like. On the other hand, though, even festive days and weekends may entail work and one has to accept that,” he says.
As a woman, Mitali says, “Striking work-family balance and prioritising things helps, at the same time one has seek to out some ‘ME TIME’ and nurture self-growth and development.”
Nevertheless, quality time includes going on treks, running, cycling, swimming and yoga. “I would definitely claim credit in this area of our life,” he says. “Both my wife and son love exercise and are particular about their diets. I am happy that I have been able to instil importance about that.”
Speaking of their son, parenting is a significant arena of team work for any couple. So how do they divide the duties? “I am the lenient one, whereas Deepak is strict. However, we both are particular about certain things: such as respect, commitment, being independent and doing reasonably well on both in academics, sports and extra-curricular activities for a well-rounded personality,” says Mitali.
Appreciating each other’s good points is an important aspect of any partnership and both have much to share about the other. “He is loving, caring, disciplined and very committed to the task on hand, apart from being straightforward.”
Even as Deepak values her for her “clarity of thought, boldness and depth of character. “
Both Mitali and Deepak point to trust, shared responsibility, love and respect as foundations for a relationship. “Focus on what’s important; all rest is mere detail,” stresses Mitali.
Both would credit a simple mantra for their smooth sailing. “We are similarly hot-headed. So, a couple of years ago, we decided to live by the 24-hour deadline for responding to delicate and controversial issues,” shares Deepak. This means, whenever a partner takes up a not-so-pleasant subject, the other does not react or respond immediately, but simply listens-choosing to say his two bit a day later. “This way, you concentrate on conflict management and leave out the negativity and temper out of it. It has taken time, effort, practice and patience, but this works beautifully for us.”
Mitali shares, “We have code words for managing volatile situations. The moment anyone of us is behaving out of league, we remind each other by saying INNER PEACE. Simple ways and methods incorporated in the family fabric help smoothen out the journey of life , and makes it enjoyable and worthwhile.
By Kalyani Sardesai
