It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into a wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances got sealed in marriage
"Marriage works if you want it to," thus begins the opening line of a best-selling guidebook on marriage. And for some, it is actually that simple. So much for the sage advice on marrying 'one of your own kind' or to 'avoid adjustment issues.' He's a multimedia journalist and copy editor in Brussels, Belgium, while she (with her knowledge of Mandarin) works as a translator. He's Indian, she's French and they've been married since June 2011. This is Rahul Venkit and Severine Peronnet's story and this is how they tell it
When she cooks, he wants to know "Where's masala?" And when he does,her query is just as basic: "Where's the meat?"
But it's precisely these little nuances that add to the flavor and fun of their married life. Five years on, this is one couple that knows only too well that differences can be celebrated, engaged with and even nurtured. And despite the challenges, Rahul Venkit and Severine Peronnet aka 'Sev' (both 33) wouldn't have it any other way. Whether it is a difference of nationality (he's Indian; she's French) or of personality (she's quiet, he rocks the party), all of this is mere detail, provided you keep your eyes on the bigger picture: namely building a secure relationship that allows both partners room for expression.
The fact of the matter? Yes, international marriages have their issues, and then again, maybe they don't.
Their journey together starts in Beijing in 2008 at the time China was hosting the Olympics. While Rahul, an upcoming journalist from Pune, the first Indian to be recruited by China Radio International’s English service, was in Beijing to cover the games. Severine was studying Mandarin, apart from being a volunteer with the French Olympic team.
The mood was buoyant, upbeat, lots of parties happening in the evenings--so it was a given that the duo with their set of common friends would hang out together at some point. And continue to do so over the next few months. "We met on a particularly memorable day," grins Rahul. "The day Barack Obama won the US elections to be precise."
Dramatic as it may sound, perhaps it indeed was a day for boundaries to recede.
Assignment over, Rahul had to leave for Brussels, Belgium, where a new job awaited him. "I joined the International Diabetes Federation as their new multimedia manager, whereas she stayed on in Beijing, having just started a job with a designer. But we found that we missed each other a lot. "
So that first year was dedicated to testing the waters and the strength of their long distance relationship. A tough call if ever there was one.
A few months later she found work in Brussels. But they still took their time getting to know each other. And discovered in the process that they were indeed quite good together. "She's a quiet person, sincere and grounded. I would be running around, keeping crazy hours; it was she who would bring me back to basics, and get me to smell the flowers, so to speak," says Rahul. "What I admire most about her is her simplicity."
As for Sev, she enjoys his enthusiasm for life. "He's this happy, friendly guy, always open to exploring different things," she says
Gradually, they were both ready for the next big step. But Rahul, ever the perfectionist, wanted to do things the proper way and formally ask her dad for her hand in marriage. "I hardly spoke any French back then. Still, I went all out to prepare a little speech for her dad," he shares. But no sooner had he started with his spiel-than when her dad broke in with a casual, "Sure, sure. It's her life. Just ask her."
"What an anti-climax," grins Rahul in retrospect. "But I also got an idea of how very different the French culture is from our own. It's a non-interfering, hands-off approach that they have."
"Ours is a society where you can be committed without marriage; there is no stigma to it. However, marriage was important to Rahul, and I was happy to say 'yes'," says Sev.
For their part, Rahul's family accepted Sev just as easily. "They were thrilled that I had found a nice person with whom I could spend my life, and that was that," he says. And so they were duly wed in 2011, in both, a civil ceremony followed by a traditional Indian shaadi, a few months later.
What touched hearts, though, was the sincere interest that Sev showed in Indian culture. "Through dance, I got to know all about the basics of Hinduism, the Gods and Goddesses, and so on," she says. At their wedding sangeet, she won hearts by performing a Bharatnatyam piece, instead of paying the ubiquitous homage to a Bollywood number.
So did she find Indian culture overwhelming, given that this is a country that does not set much store by the concept of uh, personal space? "No, not at all," she smiles. "I found the people friendly, sweet and welcoming. I guess the years I spent in noisy, bustling China-another country that is crowded with people, had sort of, prepared me."
The most unforgettable memory ? "That moment I met his folks and his grand moms...they were so kind and welcoming...I had no words or gestures to convey to them how happy I was to meet them, so I just hugged them instead," she says.
What touched hearts, though, was the sincere interest that Sev showed in Indian culture. At their wedding sangeet, she won hearts by performing a Bharatnatyam piece, instead of paying the ubiquitous homage to a Bollywood number
"Frankly, yes, the way we were brought up was different. But if you let little things go and work at the bigger things instead, such as companionship, sharing things, spending quality time and so on—a so-called inter- racial marriage is no different from a set-up where both partners share the same roots," says Rahul. "Besides, we are a nuclear family living by ourselves in Brussels and we have to be a tight unit, in the absence of an extended family."
Even as Sev points out, "We both have different visions of life and ambitions. I come from a country where the concept of social security is a given, and so I guess, I am more relaxed than he is."
Food is another arena where they are poles apart. "Her notion of cooking is rather basic. She's like: here are the veggies, they are boiled, perhaps you could add the salt. Whereas, I like dishes to be more elaborate. So when I put on my apron and make pav bhaji instead, she wants to know how come there's no meat in it," he laughs.
"But on the whole, what worked in our favour, was that I knew literally nothing about India," says Sev.
"Even so, she is so Indian in certain ways. What is particularly striking is she never takes off her mangalsutra," says Rahul.
Giving sufficient space to both partners is key, especially with their three-year-old daughter Aria in the picture. "So when I take care of the baby, she goes to dance and yoga classes, while she does the same when I work on my side projects or music," says Rahul. "Our aim now is to plan a date night once in a way after having organised a suitable baby sitter for Aria."
While Aria is too young right now for either parent to play 'good cop' or 'bad cop', each day is a learning experience. "The way we bring up kids in India is different. Here, it's not the done thing to shout at your kids or give them a smack, even if you think that would be the most effective way to resolve contentious issues such as bathing time and fussing over meals,"says Rahul. "Sev believes in leading by example, keeping her voice low and reasoning it out with Aria. If she's been naughty or impolite in any way, she has to be explained logically why it's not acceptable."
What is especially important to him is that Aria gets to know India, and her roots. "We make it a point to come to Pune every year. She shares a great bond with her grandparents and misses them terribly. It's also encouraging that she enjoys the sights and smells of the city, the idlis at Hotel Vaishali and so on," he says.
by Kalyani Sardesai
