It is not often these days that a college romance fructifies into a wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real-life romances that got sealed in marriage
Eleven, it’s said, is a nice number in a marriage. Wise enough to know a whole lot better, and yet young enough to enjoy each little surprise life brings to the table.
Now based in Gurgaon, the husband and wife pair (both 37) smile at how long they’ve come. While he’s Regional Marketing Manager (North & North-east) with Dell, she’s Talent Acquisiton Head for Cloud Computing Technologies. The couple is blessed with a daughter, Anwita (7) and son, Darsh (4.5) years.
And to think, it all started with a table—a desk actually. “We just happened to be seated together in those hectic first few days since we started college,” says Harsh. A crazy time of the year—all those presentations and meetings and introductions happening. But his neighbour and batchmate from a leading MBA institute, 2001- 03 batch, was very pretty indeed. “Of course, I noticed,” he grins.
Unfortunately—she did not return the compliment. “I was just a friend to her,” he says. “Most of my friends knew I really admired her, but she had no clue. Or if she did, she did not let on,” he says.
Yes, he did try to tell her how he felt—several times. “But somehow, I just couldn’t. Each time I told myself I would speak to her something or the other would come up,” he shares. “Like the time we were both selected to make a presentation to a company. I thought to myself: now I will tell her!”
Corporate couple Harsh Kumar and Disha Kamthan on the joys and challenges of juggling work, marriage and two lovely kids simultaneously
Alas! That was never to be—at the last minute Disha fell sick—and another classmate stepped in.
Two years sped by—and both were placed in separate cities. “I was placed with Maruti Udyog at Gurgaon, while she went to Mumbai,” he says. But he never could forget Disha. “We had lost touch, but I managed to procure her number through a common friend,” he relates.
Six months later—when he was offered a choice of transfer between Bengaluru or Mumbai—there was no doubt in my mind, it was Mumbai for him. The move seemed to pay off. “We began to meet—sporadically, regularly and then daily,” recounts Harsh. But then, he asked her to marry him and she turned him down. “She said she was happy just being good friends.” But as Harsh began to move away and have his parents look for another alliance for him, Disha began to have second thoughts. “She realised she missed me,” he laughs. “And she changed her mind.” Still, it took some convincing his parents as she hails from UP, and he from Bihar. “Dad asked me to think over my decision very carefully. If my wife did not adjust to the family, he warned, I would be the one caught in a no-win situation,” says Harsh. “But knowing Disha, I knew that would not be the case.” Finally, the elders gave them their blessings and the duo were married in November 2005.
“There was a cultural gap for sure, initially. But then, both my in laws and Harsh were supportive,” recounts Disha. It helped that both came from professionally accomplished and academically sound backgrounds, so a career woman was not an issue. “His father was a government officer, and mother a professor. Both my parents are doctors. So a working woman was not something new for anyone,” she says.
What was a challenge indeed, was the task of shifting cities and looking after kids all by herself as they were a nuclear set-up. “Corporate routines these days are rough. I did take a break after both my children were born, as I wanted to spend quality time with them. It was a considered decision, and though my career did take a back seat for a few years, we have two lovely kids, “ she smiles.
“While dating, both boy-girl tend to put their best foot forward. It’s only when they start living together as a couple that the real nature surfaces” — Harsh Kumar
“ We were clear from the outset that whoever was doing better at that point of time in their career would take the lead, while the other would take a break,” says Harsh. “Besides, mothers have a natural advantage over the fathers in terms of their ability to respond to the needs of very young children, so it wasn’t an issue. However, she’s resumed her work and is enjoying it thoroughly.”
Life is hectic, but the duo manage well with reliable help—and a firm policy of keeping work pressures away from home. “We don’t believe in discussing work-related issues once we walk in from work. At the same time, a five-day week is a boon as we get to spend time as a family,” they say. A schedule for the children comes in handy too. “We are united about the fact that the kids should not spend time in front of the idiot box, but instead, learn as many creative and diverse things as possible,” says Disha. “So from dance and art class to sports, they are gainfully occupied throughout the day. Sure, I am more involved with their routines, but he definitely takes over when required,” she says.
Marriage, like every other relationship of value, is about give and take; holding on and letting go when required. “If one of you is losing your cool, it’s a good idea for the other to be quiet. Also, when you show the other person that their needs and preferences are important to you, the response is also forthcoming,” says Disha.
While he’s the outgoing, talkative one, she is more silent and observant. “I admire him for his punctuality and straightforwardness,” says Disha. “He speaks what’s on his mind, and that’s boon.” For his part, he admires her involvement with the kids and ability to multi-task. “At the end of the day, adjustment, compromise and personal space are key to domestic harmony,” says Harsh. “It’s not as if we haven’t had our fights or tough moments, but we don’t let the negativity take over.” Over and above everything, marriage is a continuous process of discovery. “When you are dating, both the boy and girl tend to put their best foot forward. It’s only when they start living together as a couple that the real nature surfaces,” he says. “It is here where maturity plays a huge role. Both of you have come from different backgrounds; respect and accept the differences. For instance, I come from a very physically demonstrative and expressive family. In their family, however, they are not so forthcoming. But beneath the surface, her parental home is more democratic, and mine, more traditional. It’s nuances like these that have to be understood and absorbed for a couple to understand what they are all about,” muses Harsh. Quality time includes going out for two holidays every year: the first, a vacation to a new destination; the second, a trip to the parents. “We are both keen for the kids to spend that much time with their grandparents and know their traditions,” says Disha.
There is a perception that corporate relationships don’t tend to last; that it’s all about living in—as per convenience. What is the couple’s take on the prevalent atmosphere ? “Honestly, we are quite neutral about this zone. Each to their own,” says Disha.
While Harsh adds, “Ultimately, it’s all about commitment. Unless you know the person very well and are very sure about them, it’s not a great idea to live in, especially for the girls. All said and done, this is still a patriarchal society. On the other hand, if you care for each other—things should work.”
By Kalyani Sardesai
