Never Mind — Let Go!

At home, at work, people are going to hurt you or let you down at one time or another. If we remain in charge of our feelings, if we are in control of ourselves, we can be two steps ahead of the situation. We will not be victims of circumstances

Betrayal, hurt, anger, disappointment — sometime or the other, we have to face these negative emotions in our life. When we dwell on other people’s rudeness and insensitivity, we walk into the trap of bitterness and negativism. You constantly think about your disappointment, and then you begin to talk about it and you are trapped in resentment.

How best can we face such disappointments and frustrations? You can choose to react differently, by taking responsibility for your own emotions and feelings. You do this in the full awareness that others do not cause your feelings. You choose your own.

It may be a cliché to say that it is useless to cry over spilt milk, but it’s only too true. We have to learn to let go of disappointments and get on with our life. We need to forgive.

This is especially difficult when other people don’t seek our forgiveness, or indeed when they are clearly in the wrong and don’t deserve to be forgiven. Never mind — let go!

In such situations, forgiveness allows you to let go of a no-win situation and walk out of it unhurt, unscarred by bitterness.

People alas, are not perfect. At home, at work, people are going to hurt you or let you down at one time or another. If we remain in charge of our feelings, if we are in control of ourselves, we can be two steps ahead of the situation. We will not be victims of circumstances.

Let me give you a small exercise. Think of two people who have hurt you, made you angry or let you down recently—two people about whom you still feel animosity

Now ask yourself: What is my animosity doing to me? Do I feel happy holding on to it? Does it make me feel happier? Does it improve my sleep? Is my life better, richer, more meaningful because of my resentment?

If the answer to all the above questions is NO, a courageous decision. Let go! Walk away from the disappointment and the bitterness!

A girl came to a holy man and said, “I know not why, but I am unable to sit in silence and pray or meditate. I feel restless. I used to be so happy.”

The holy man asked, “How is it?” The girl answered, “I think it has something to do with one whom, at one time, I regarded as a friend, was very cruel to me, and I said that I would never forgive her, never talk to her. I am sorry, I said it, but since then there has been no peace in my heart. What shall I do?”

The holy man said, “It is better to break a bad vow than to keep it. Go to her and seek her forgiveness.” The next morning, she went to her friend and confessed her uncharitable attitude and asked her forgiveness. The one whose forgiveness was sought burst into tears.

She said, “You have come to ask for forgiveness. It is I who should be asking for forgiveness, for I am ashamed of my wrong attitude.” The two friends were reconciled. To arrive at forgiveness, one has to pass through four stages.

The first is the stage of hurt. Someone has wronged me, done something mean to me. Someone has been unfair to me and I cannot forget it. I feel hurt. The hurt keeps on throbbing within me. It is here that we must remember that it is not I who feels hurt, but the ego.

It may be a cliché to say that it is useless to cry over spilt milk, but it’s only too true. We have to learn to let go of disappointments and get on with our life. We need to forgive

Hurt leads to hate, which is the second stage. I cannot forget how much I have been hurt and I cannot send out thoughts of goodwill to my enemy. In some cases, I hate the person so much that I want him or her to suffer, as much as I am suffering.

Then comes the third stage of healing. God’s grace descends on me and I begin to see the person who has hurt me in a new light. I begin to understand his or her difficulty. My memory is healed and I am free again.

Then comes the fourth stage of coming together. I am anxious to make friends with the person who hurt me; I invite him into my life. I share my love with him and we both move to a new and healed relationship.

To choose to let go of resentments is to walk the way that leads to a life of freedom and fulfillment.