Wheels of Togetherness

Married for close to two decades, Varsha and R Balamurugan are proof positive not just of the enduring power of love, but also the part played by respect and mutual admiration. Supporting each other’s dreams, whether big or small, is what they do. This is their story, and this is how they tell it

Whenever Varsha Balamurgan gives her beloved Royal Enfield-Thunder Bird, a final check before undertaking yet another bike rides to a far-off destination along with her group of lady bikers, she knows both husband Bala and son Ishaan, are rooting for her.

Unlike most menfolk in Indian households, Bala has full faith in his wife’s ability and skill to undertake the rough and tumble of an arduous bike ride whether it is from her home in Pune to Leh-Ladakh trip or to Dhanushkodi (in the vicinity of the famous Ram Setu) in Tamil Nadu. “He is as enthusiastic as I am about my travels,” smiles Varsha. “Biking is exhilarating, fun and totally amazing.”

So how did this love of biking come to be? Was it something she always wanted to do?

“Actually, owning a Royal Enfield was my childhood dream,” grins Bala. “It’s something I put off for quite sometime, but finally got around to doing.”

But even as the bike came home, his busy schedule hardly afforded him time to ride on it. Varsha’s natural affinity towards biking encouraged him to teach her—and she picked it up in a jiffy. Starting off with doing her chores and taking the bike for a small spin to visit friends and relatives, Varsha’s love for the bike grew by the day. And, that’s how she started biking in all seriousness. In time, she even joined a like-minded group of women bikers who undertake long journeys by road to remote corners of India. “Even though the trips entail me to be out of the house for days on end, Bala and Ishaan do not complain. In fact, both are quite the enthusiastic cheerleaders,” shares Varsha.

But, as the old and the wise say, marriage is about encouraging and supporting your spouse’s dreams—no matter how big or small.

Back to the beginning

This love story was first scripted in 2003-2004 when Balamurugan, a native of Coimbatore first moved to Pune for work. After completion of his education in engineering and working in a renowned Indian manufacturing organisation in Coimbatore, he moved to Pune for better work prospects. And, that’s how he met first Marathi mulgi Varsha Shirke, an economics graduate then working in an electronics company. They were introduced through a group of common friends. “It was love at first sight for me,” says Bala. “She’s a fun-loving tomboy on the surface. But, she is actually a very family-oriented person with a serious and spiritual side. I admire all these aspects of her personality.”

But for Varsha, it would take more than a year and plenty of convincing from Bala before she would even agree to think of marriage. Hailing from a conservative Maharashtrian home, she did not think it was a great idea to go ahead with Bala—much as she liked him. “Only when I was assured his seriousness and commitment to see the struggle all the way through did I agree,” she says.

Meanwhile, Bala’s family had their doubts as well. But the duo stuck to their guns. Gradually, Bala’s parents came around and Varsha, after informing her family members, travelled to Coimbatore with him, where the duo was duly wed in a simple but traditional ceremony in a temple and a grand reception.

"Uphold your spouse’s respect at all times. Don’t complain about your spouse to either parents or your family, or vice versa. This is key to keeping everything in a fine balance"

-R Balamurugan

From strength to strength

It’s been 19 years since, and it’s easy enough to see that love has prevailed. “She is my strength and mainstay,” says Bala, who is currently employed as Project Manager-India, with a French MNC Vivirad SA, an Electron beam manufacturing organisation. “In the early years of our marriage I kept crazy hours at work. But Varsha made everything so easy, looking after everyone and everything, from our growing son to my parents and hers. What’s more, she kept a warm and welcoming home that all my friends enjoy visiting.”

Given that they have weathered so many storms together, what as per both, are the pillars of marriage? “Upholding your spouse’s respect at all times,” says Bala promptly. “Don’t complain about your spouse to either parents or your family, or vice versa. This is key to keeping everything in a fine balance.”

Varsha agrees, but also underlines the importance of understanding the rituals, foods and customs in both families. “This was all the more important considering ours was an inter-cultural, inter-state marriage. Initially, it was a challenge, but with my mother-in-law’s help, I managed to pick up everything,” she says.

In addition to all this, both would aver that it is critical to trust each other’s judgement and have confidence in one’s life partner.

The mutual admiration between the couple is palpable. While Varsha credits him with being steady and supportive, he lauds her financial management and efficiency in managing both time and resources. “She is not the one to waste money and is very judicious even when it comes to making small purchases. But, it has helped us a lot as a unit,” he says.

Conflict between the two of them is rare, especially now that Bala has been working from home for some time now. “It’s a funny thing to say but we rarely ever fought. Plus, it’s almost two decades to marriage now, so we understand each other well. She always keeps the home happy and stress-free,” smiles Bala.

Even as their son Ishaan turns 18, how would they sum up their mantras of parenting? “He is the strict one who emphasises the importance of studies, time management, whereas I want him to be a good human being above all else,” says Varsha.

“To that end, she is the one who really chats to him,” adds Bala. “It’s a ritual she established from the time he was in school, both mother and son would really talk their hearts out and share the happenings of the day with each other. This has really yielded rich dividends, because that way, we understand what’s up with him.”

In short, would he say he’s lucky to have her? “Blessed, not just lucky,” he rounds off.

MANTRAS OF A MARRIAGE

• Respect and commitment
• Trust and Loyalty
• Supporting each other’s dreams
• Sharing responsibilities
• Standing by each other through thick and thin