In Harmonious Balance
Life should be a fine blend of the old and new, the traditional and the modern, believe corporate couple Bhuvaneshwary and Shankar Iyer. Married for 13 years, they believe that while culture and rootedness are fine things, there should always be room for a fresh take on life. Two kids, Sara (12) and Ishaan (7) complete the circle
The Iyer home in Pune is a bustling and energetic household, what with both sets of parents living with Shankar and Bhuvaneshwary Iyer. But no one’s complaining. “We get to take care of our parents as they age, while our children get the security and care that only grandparents can give them,” expresses Shankar Iyer. As of now, they are both working with Marsh McLennan, in different departments. So, if a hectic day at work requires them to stay late, neither is worried about the home front.
This is not to say that joint families are not without challenges or tough moments; just that, it is entirely possible to maximise the pros and minimise the cons with a little consideration, care and communication. “I must give it to him. He is an excellent communicator who ensures everyone is on the same page and that there is no room for confusion,” says Bhuvaneshwary. And this, in a nutshell, is how three generations of a lively family live together—in harmony.
Back to the beginning
This love story was first scripted in 2010 when Bhuvaneshwary came to Pune for a wedding, from her home-town Chennai. Since it happened to be Shankar’s cousin’s wedding, she stayed at Shankar’s home and that’s how the two got talking. “I loved her simplicity from the outset. She’s humble, caring, and easy to talk to,” reminisces Shankar. “Oh, and she has a lovely, singing voice. It’s a treat to listen to her singing Tamilian songs. The cherry on the icing is that she is an excellent cook,” he says.
In a sentence: meeting Bhuvaneshwary felt like a home-coming, and a deeper commitment was given.
Seven years younger to him, Bhuvaneshwary liked him for his maturity and consideration towards others. “He is very mature and can look at the issue from all angles,” she adds.
The conversation flowed easily, and within a year, the duo was married with their family’s blessings. “Moving to Pune from Chennai was a challenge,” says Bhuvaneshwary. “The culture and mood of both cities is so different. But Shankar has been my support all through,” she says.
From strength to strength
Both Shankar and Bhuvaneshwary believe that opting out of careers is not the done thing for either one. “When both work, it helps the family,” says Shankar. “Eventually, your children will thank you for it.” But, for that the husband must be compassionate to the wife’s needs as well.
“There are days when the work never seems to end. It is here where your partner comes in. Whether it’s telling me to relax and order takeaway after a hard day’s work, or supporting my work, Shankar is always there for me,” says Bhuvaneshwary.
“My motto is more understanding and less ego please. This is something all husbands would do well to emulate,” smiles Shankar.
While Shankar is director of operations with the invoicing section, Bhuvaneshwary works as a deputy manager in the claims section. Life is busy but rewarding what with two sprightly children in the fray. Work-life balance is important to both but is fortunately easy for two reasons. “One, we have regular hours. Secondly, while taking up studies and paying attention to the kids is an ongoing task, the elders are on hand to help,” says Bhuvaneshwary.
"It is essential to prioritise your partner at regular and continuous intervals. To that end, both Bhuvaneshwary and I went to Goa recently, just the two of us. It was wonderful, relaxing, and rejuvenating"
-Shankar Iyer
Quality time with the family consists of cooking up a storm. “Me, I like the regular “Tambrahm fare” starting with the authentic Sambar. On the other hand, the kids love pasta. Bhuvaneshwary, being an excellent cook, leads the way, and we have a wonderful spread on the table on holidays,” smiles Shankar.
That said, both believe firmly in spending quality time as a couple—just the two of them. “I think it is essential to prioritise your partner at regular and continuous intervals. To that end, both Bhuvaneshwary and I went to Goa recently, just the two of us. It was wonderful, relaxing, and rejuvenating. We plan to repeat the experience soon—the next time we will probably visit Bali,” Shankar shares.
Unusually so, the husband-wife duo thoroughly enjoys a game of cricket together. “We are both fans of MS Dhoni and the Chennai Super Kings team” laughs Bhuvaneshwary.
“Frankly, when I first discovered her love of the game, I was taken aback—but pleasantly so,” says Shankar. “This gives us both something to bond over, especially since I play cricket too,” he adds.
Given that they have been happily married for over a decade, what, according to both, are the pillars of marriage? “Respect and trust,” says Shankar promptly, while Bhuvaneshwary can only agree. “From respect and trust, everything else follows,” she says.
Like every couple, this one has their share of fights and conflicts too. “I am the more short-tempered one. But both of us apologise when we are wrong and that’s how the difficulties tide over,” says Shankar. Both are radically different personalities—he is more quiet, while she is talkative. She is emotional, while he is practical. “However, the point of marriage is to appreciate and celebrate differences,” he adds.
Bringing up babies
The popular image of Tamilians has them pegged as serious folks, who insist on their children doing well academically as well as diligently pursuing an art form as a hobby. “Honestly, though, we are not like that,” avers Shankar. “We believe in letting our children be. Life is a balance of a lot of learnings, not just the academic.”
To that end, the couple would prioritise honesty and candidness over other things. “In an increasingly complicated world, I do believe honesty and straightforwardness make a positive difference,” he says. “Whether it’s owning a mistake, or undertaking a responsibility, honesty is a very important quality,” says Bhuvaneshwary
Other than that, they want Sara and Ishaan to grow up into humble, respectful, and compassionate human beings, who are both resilient and flexible. A balance worth aspiring to.
MANTRAS OF A MARRIAGE
- Respect and trust
- Appreciating your partner and supporting them
- Spending quality time together
- Celebrating differences