Love Ke Baad Shaadi Bhi-1 : Marriage is... a lifetime of sharing

In love, will commit—how’s that for the mantra of a lifetime? For IT professionals, Sweta and Gaurav Machalla, marriage was a logical progression of the relationship that started in college, and has become a journey of understanding, mutual respect, and giving in when needed – their recipe for a happy marriage

It is not often these days that college romance fructifies into a wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. Starting from this issue, we bring to you real life romances that got sealed in marriage. Read on...

Contrary to what Bollywood would have you believe, a love that endures is not about grand gestures and dramatic moments. It is instead, simply a feeling of comfort. Ask Gaurav and Sweta Machalla—both former passouts from the same MBA College. “The moment when you realise that what the two of you share is rare and precious, that’s the moment that remains in your memory all your life,” says Gaurav.

Married for over five years, and a three-anda-half-year old son, Karthikeya, to complete the circle of happiness, this is one couple unfazed by stories of divorce, chaos and live-in relationships that seem to be the case with ambitious professionals in major metros these days. “If you understand each other, respect each other’s dreams, give in every now and then—and laugh together, you should be okay,” shares Gaurav.

“It’s as simple as you keep it—and just as sweet.” In case you’re hoping for weepy proposals and gushing poetry—forget it. Gaurav and Sweta didn’t need any of that. They used to hang out together in college. Similar academ ic backgrounds—electronic engineers both pursuing an MBA (systems); both Punjabis (he, from Gurgaon, she from Bilaspur); and a simple ability to talk to each other -- got them off to a good start. “Our comfort level with each other was just great. We were the best of friends, being a natural foil to each other. He is outgoing and friendly, I am reserved and quiet. We studied together, got things done. And then, one day Balaji Institute decided to give weekly offs instead of having all seven days working. That one holiday without each other made us realise that we were more than friends,” recollects Sweta.

This was followed by a college trip to Shirdi—which just confirmed what they had been suspecting all along—that they were meant to share their lives together. “But we were both firm on the count that both families need to approve. Marriages are for a lifetime. We need everyone’s blessings to make things work,” says Sweta. Luckily, there was no opposition— not even a whiff of it. The parents approved. Gaurav’s parents met Sweta at his sister’s wedding in Mumbai—and liked her on the spot. “I did not even have to introduce her. All my near and dear ones—they just knew that she was meant for our family. My mom immediately whipped off her gold chain and put it around Sweta’s neck as shagun,” smiles Gaurav.

But he would agree that just about 30 per cent of college romances end up in marriage. “The reasons for you coming together during professional courses are usually quite obvious —company, support, friendship and sometimes just someone to study with!! Making each other your family is a different story—and depends on where life is going to take you in the days to come. However, most people who come together during a professional course, are quite mature and realise where they are headed at the outset!” he expresses.

The Machallas: seven secrets of a successful marriage

• Shared values with regard to the institution of family. A rock solid edifice of friendship and time spent together in college. An understanding of each other’s professions.
• A willingness on Gaurav’s behalf to give his chosen life partner the support she required: be it taking time off from work or moving to another city to take up a good job offer.
• Listening to each other, and respecting differences.
• Similar socio-cultural backgrounds. They complement each other’s personalities. While she is quiet, he is the outgoing one.

That said, a few confusing moments are nevertheless the lot of even the most straightforward situations. “My father wanted to keep things simple. Instead of an elaborate engagement in August 2009, followed by a big fat wedding In December, he wanted to do it all in one swoop. However, we had to consider that Sweta’s family were rather traditional and wanted all the pre-wedding rituals in logical succession,” says Gaurav. “So dad told her father that we would be in Bilaspur for three days in August. They were welcome to do things just as they pleased—but within that time frame,” he smiles. “It was hectic, but fun. A traditional wedding, but as unfussy as possible.”

While Gaurav is currently working as IT project manager with Sunlight Associates Gurgaon—a company that comes under the aegis of Sunlight Insurance Canada, Sweta is taking a break from work to look after Karthikeya. “Whether I choose to work or not—he’s always hugely supportive,” she says. “For instance, after we graduated he was immediately picked up by a company, while I chose not to say yes to offers as we were both newly married. After six to seven months, however, I had an offer to work in Noida with Corbus—which would mean that we would be separated for some time. But he did not stop me—he knew it was important for me to have the ‘fresher’ tag off my back,” she says. At the moment though, the Machallas are based in Gurgaon with Gaurav’s parents.

A strong work ethic combined with an equal commitment to family unites the Machallas. “My days are hectic—like most IT professionals. But my weekends are for family alone. It’s an unwritten rule that I never switch on my laptop at home,” says Gaurav. “Keeping that work-life balance is crucial.”

What do they think about the debris of broken marriages that seem to be a sore point in the IT/corporate world today? And is having a partner from the very same world a good thing?


“Most problems can be worked out—if you keep up a conversation with each other,” says Sweta. “Being from similar backgrounds you are in a better position to understand the ups and downs of your professional lives... provided you choose to do so. It is entirely possible that one of you may be doing well, even as the other is going through a lean phase. Support your partner—listen to them— and work through problems.” Gaurav adds, “The male ego that insists you should be doing better than your wife is a great dampener! I personally feel that it is absolute rubbish… there were these two months when I was between jobs and she was at work. I looked after our baby—even took him along with me wherever I went—what’s the big deal? Family is a responsibility that both must share.”

Despite the domestic bliss, the Machallas have a bone to pick with the so-called ‘stigma’ of divorce. “It’s like the person has been branded for life, which is not correct!! There could be any number of reasons why a person has chosen to end things with her/his spouse, and it’s never a good idea to be judgmental.” Besides, he says, divorce is not inherently a negative thing. “It is an important set of checks and balances to keep the institution of marriage going. However, before you opt for divorce, you must first give your hundred per cent commitment to your partner.” Another advantage that most corporate professionals do not enjoy in the course of job hopping between major metro cities both in India and abroad is the grace of having elders at home. “In most cases, at least, having older people to guide you is a blessing,” he says. “They have seen life, and they can help keep tempers down, and smoothen the equation between husband and wife.”

In college, our comfort level with each other was just great. We were the best of friends; we studied together, got things done. On one weekly off, we stayed without each other, which made us realise that we were more than friends - Sweta

That works, alright, coupled with dollops of humour. “He is the talker, while I am the listener,” smiles Sweta. “But we both love pulling each other’s leg. Parenthood has not changed that part of our bonhomie. He loves ribbing me as I do tend to have a bit of a temper.” Gaurav couldn’t agree more. “It’s fun to fight-actually,” he says gleefully.

So who apologises and makes up after a fight? “No one,” retorts Sweta. “We simply start talking to each other again—or rather he will take up some non-controversial subject and attempt a conversation. And all is well again.”

But the one principle from management college that applies to married life as well is being honest at all times. “By honesty, I don’t just mean speaking the truth. It means having the dignity and integrity to deal with the consequences of one’s actions. If you show that decency to your partner—just as you would to your colleagues---most things would fall in place,” rounds off Gaurav

By Kalyani Sardesai