I was traveling for twenty years in this country. I was staying in thousands of homes, and I saw it continuously: when the husband is not in the house, the wife seems to be very cheerful, very happy. The moment the husband enters the house she has a headache, and she lies down on the bed. And I was watching, because I was just staying in the house. Just a moment before, everything was okay—as if the husband has not entered but a headache has entered.
Slowly slowly, I understood the logic. There is a great investment in it. And remember, I am not saying that she is simply pretending. If you pretend too long it can become a reality, it can become an autohypnosis. I’m not saying that she is not suffering from a headache, remember. She may be suffering: just the face of the husband is enough to trigger the process! It has happened so many times that now it has become an automatic process. So I am not saying that she is deceiving the husband; she is deceived by her own investments.
You have a certain image and you don’t want it to be changed, and criticism means again a disturbance.
One of my friends was continually complaining to me about his wife; “She is always sad, long faced and I am so worried to enter the house…I try to waste my time in this club and that club but finally I have to go back home and there she is.” I said to him, “Do one thing just as an experiment. Because she has been serious and she has been nagging, I cannot imagine that you enter the house smiling.”
He said, “Do you think I can manage that? The moment I see her something freezes inside me—smile?”
I said, “Just as an experiment. Today you do one thing: take beautiful roses—it is the season; and the best ice-cream available in the city—tutti frutti; and go smiling, singing a song!” He said, “If you say so I will do it, but I don’t think it is going to make any difference.” I said, “I will come behind you, and see whether there is any difference or not.”
The poor fellow tried hard. Many times on the way he laughed. I said, “Why are you laughing?” He said, “I am laughing at what I am doing! I wanted you to tell me to divorce her and you have suggested I act as if I am going on a honeymoon!” I said, “Just imagine it is a honeymoon…but try your best.”
He opened the door and his wife was standing there. He smiled and then he laughed at himself because to smile…And that woman was standing almost like a stone. He presented the flowers and the ice-cream, and then I entered.
The woman could not believe what was happening. When the man had gone to the bathroom she asked me, “What is the matter? He has never brought anything, he has never smiled, he has never taken me out, he has never made me feel that I am loved, that I am respected. What magic has happened?”
I said, “Nothing; both of you have just been doing wrong. Now when he comes out of the bathroom you give him a good hug.” She said, “A hug?”
I said, “Give him one! You have given him so many things, now give him a good hug, kiss him….”
She said, “My God....” I said, “He is your husband, you have decided to live together. Either live joyously or say goodbye joyously. There is no reason…it is such a small life. Why waste two person’s lives unnecessarily?” At that very moment the man came from the bathroom. The woman hesitated a little but I pushed her, so she hugged the man and the man became so afraid he fell on the floor! He had never imagined that she was going to hug him.
I had to help him up. I said, “What happened?” He said, “It’s just that I have never imagined that this woman can hug and kiss—but she can! And when she smiled she looked so beautiful.” Two persons living together in love should make it a point that their relationship is continuously growing, bringing more flowers every season, creating more joys. Just sitting together silently is enough….
By Osho
