Loved & Married too : Supporting each other’s dreams

It is not often these days that college romance fructifies into a wedlock. Corporate Citizen unlocks the story of love that has culminated into marriage, for we believe in the stability of a relationship and family unit. We bring to you real life romances that got sealed in marriage

Even as Sidharth Mukherjee carries out the responsibilities demanded of him in his latest work profile as group manager, product management group with HCL Technologies, he gives full credit to his better half, the supportive and understanding Kanchi for taking care of everything on the home front, including their two year old, Allia. For this, she has taken a sabbatical from work, a fact he is most appreciative of. “I realise this has cost her professionally, and I really respect her grace and generosity,” he says.

It is precisely this quiet understanding that runs like a continuous thread in their 8-year-old married life. In other words, romance and relationships for the Mukherjees are about mutual give and take.

For her part, Kanchi says there is very little sense of sacrifice. “I am happy to do this. Corporate jobs are demanding. If both husband and wife reach high at the same time, it won’t work,” she says. “My home is hugely important to me and that is how it is.” The Mukherjees met ten years ago at the Ballarpur Industry Limited or BILT management trainee program in Gurgaon. An alumni of BIMM, Sidharth was placed as a management trainee with BILT. In a little while, Kanchi joined up as a summer intern, and he was placed as her mentor.

“Naturally, we spent a lot of time together, going out on field visits together. I was guiding her on her assignment on product research and we got to know each other well,” reminisces Sidharth. She was intelligent, charming, energetic and communicative, apart from being great company.

Both discovered they got on rather well, but knowing him to be ever the shy and reticent guy, Kanchi popped the question!! “Had I left him to it, he would never have asked,” she laughs. “He was surprised as could be, but agreed. I instinctively knew he had deeper feelings for me, and I was right. He may not be flamboyant and talkative, but he is committed, steadfast and rock solid. In short, all the qualities that really count.”

Naturally, we spent a lot of time together, going out on field visits together. I was guiding her on her assignment on product research and we got to know each other well

Both Bengalis, there were nevertheless a few differences in upbringing. He, a fauji kid, she a product of civvie land. “He is a stickler for doing things the correct way, very formal and propah in his approach,” she says of him. “It takes some time to understand that lifestyle,but that’s the fun of marriage--- learning the other’s way of life.”

“But I really admire how Kanchi learnt the nitty gritties of our way of life from my mom, including her style of cooking,” smiles Sidharth.

Like every successful marriage, the couple is a happy blend of similarities and differences. “We are workaholics with a strong work ethic; both being dedicated and focused on whatever we undertake. Our sense of family is very strong as well, and we are both quite homely,” says Sidharth.

For all outward appearances, they are a study in contrast. He is reserved and bookish, she is friendly and outgoing. “I love people, whereas he has a very select and small set of friends. I love socializing. He, on the other hand, would rather be with his books and laptop,” shares Kanchi. “Similarly, while I think from the heart, he is analytical and practical. But it works for us.”

“She is the one who takes the trouble of keeping in touch with friends and relatives, going all out to wish them and gift them on birthdays and anniversaries, and thank god for that,” grins Sidharth. “I must confess I have outsourced home and social obligations to her.”

While both have an MBA in IT and Marketing, Kanchi’s career has been marked by sabbaticals. “For instance, a little before my wedding I took a break from my job at Metlife as it was important for me to have the time and space to understand my fiancé and prepare myself for marriage. Similarly, when Allia was born I left my job at Jones Lang Lassale. Yes, it was a break with continuity that is so important in a career. However, I truly believe life is about balance, and I have no regrets,” she says. “And no matter what decision I may have taken, he has backed me completely. I can quit or rejoin work whenever I want—he will support me. He understands how demanding the baby is at this stage and really goes all out to be a friend. I tend to have these little mood swings, given the highs and lows of looking after her, but he lets things go. He understands how important adult company and conversation are for me at this stage, especially since a baby tends to temporarily distance you from friends. ” Another aspect that both are united on is bringing up their little girl. “We believe every kid needs the mother’s maximum time and attention till age 3,” says Kanchi. “The baby’s brain is developing almost at the speed of light, and it is important to be a hands on parent. While I am the strict parent, Sidharth is the lenient one. Despite his busy schedule, it’s touching to see how closely bonded father and daughter are. He’s physically demonstrative and affectionate, and both of them play together. Allia looks forward to having breakfast with him; she eagerly waits for him to return from work—and even if he quietly returns late at night—as if by miracle—she just knows it’s him,”she smiles.

Both believe it’s never too early to learn social etiquette and discipline. “Allia must say ‘please, thank you and generally be respectful,” says Sidharth. “Kids love to play with crockery and random expensive objects in the house, but they must know early on what’s off limits,” he says.

So, while it’s a great feeling for Kanchi that Allia already knows the alphabet and can rattle off popular nursery rhymes just like that, it’s even better to know she’s a well-mannered child.

A man of few words, he believes in letting his actions speak for him. For instance, he goes all out to make family vacations memorable. “Be it the Himalayas or Rajasthan, I try and make each vacation very unique. Allia’s age is no barrier—we prepare for her according to the weather—and take her with us everywhere,” he smiles. “ In fact, we have been travelling with her since she was was as young as 6 months. I feel it’s important to get out of the metro set up every now and then, and reconnect as a family.” Apart from this, he takes a lot of trouble with making each birthday and anniversary special and different. “This is my way of telling both my wife and kid how much they mean to me,”he says

While Kanchi does have plans to get back to work when Allia is a little older, Sidharth says he will support her whatever she decides. “Marriage is about give and take. You can’t both have it all—and that’s a fact. That a look at any of the top notch CEOs and captains of industry..their spouse has done their bit,” he shares.

“If both partners pull in opposite directions, how will any relationship blossom? Marriages can only sustain so much pressure and tension. If one partner is flying high, the other needs to be grounded. This is true in every situation. When you understand thid, any marriage, why just a corporate one, will be a fruitful partnership. Kanchi gives me my space, and is very accommodating of the fact that my work entails long hours and travel. At the same time, I never take her for granted.”

Given the short life span of relationships in the corporate world, what do the Mukherjees think of live in arrangements? “We cannot talk for others, but our priorities are different,” says Kanchi. “We would never be comfortable in a live-in; our values and upbringing don’t permit it. I would any day root for marriage. There’s more security and love, and two people promise to take care of each other through their lives.”

The Mukherjee mantra for a happy married life
  • Husband and wife are meant to complement each other, not compete for one-up manship. Believe in the other person’s dreams and make them your own
  • Fill in for the other person’s shortcomings; you aren’t perfect yourself
  • Spend quality time together
  • Take care of each other

By Kalyani Sardesai